Regina
by Shinichi's Lover
Summary: King Kaneki, also known as the One-eyed-King, is dying soon. He needs to find a Queen in order to leave an heir - to save his kingdom. Fulfilling an old request, will he experience happiness before tragedy befalls him? Or will there be a cure for his disease? Arranged marriage Touken medieval AU
1. Decision

Disclaimer: The BEAUTIFUL cover art is made by kingkishou (tumblr). THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Notes: In several languages, Regina means Queen.

* * *

Silence accompanied the 24-year-old one-eyed-King in his study chamber as he read the draft constitution carefully, adjusting them where necessary. The study chamber was huge but there were bookshelves everywhere, making it look less bigger than it originally was. He yawned occasionally, tired from the meeting with King Tsuneyoshi from Washuu Kingdom earlier that evening. That man was being ridiculous, wanting to overthrow other kingdoms and sought Re Kingdom's help for that purpose.

The one-eyed-King, or his real name Kaneki Ken, was known as a very strong but kind-hearted king, he conquered a lot of territories but offered shelters to them under his protection. He did not snatch other kingdom's territories and provided help whenever necessary. Thus, as usual, he declined King Tsuneyoshi's request.

The reason why Re Kingdom still maintained a good relationship with Washuu Kingdom was because they have Dr. Kanou, a genius doctor whom may have a chance of curing Kaneki. But it won't be free. To ask for the doctor's assistance, he needed to assist King Tsuneyoshi, which he had been declining numerous times due to his kind nature.

Despite 'Ken' being his given name, he insisted everyone address him as King 'Kaneki'. Since his mother, the previous Queen died he did not want to get extremely close to anyone, including his best friend. By insisting everyone call him by the surname he was hoping to form some gaps between them. Little did he know it made him feel lonelier, as he did not experience any sense of closeness with anyone.

He was making an adjustment to draft constitution #2172 when suddenly the thick white paper that contains the constitution content has tiny black splotch on it. He let out a heavy sigh before wiping them using his new handkerchief.

Black tears have been dripping from his eye more frequently now. Tsukiyama, the High Chancellor had begged him for so many times to get married soon and leave an heir so that the Kingdom won't be left heirless after he died. But Kaneki was not interested in that part of his life just yet.

Also, what was the point of getting married, leave an heir, if you were going to die after that? The Queen would be sad, well, if the Queen loved him of course. But he felt very bad if he accepted Tsukiyama's request. Deep down he was a romantic person, he would like to fall in love and has a family of his own. But with death seems to be knocking on his door oldest by the age of 30 as stated by Dr. Kanou, he felt like it would be impossible. It would be better if he just died without hurting anyone's heart.

' _It's because you haven't found the right girl. Once you have found her you will be head over heels for her, trust me. Then you will have your reason to live. Your reason to seek help from Dr. Kanou._ '

He chuckled at Hide's reply. Hide's death was almost a year ago, he died protecting _him_. Kaneki was left devastated, he didn't have a proper meal for two months. Hide was his best friend. The only friend that treated him like a normal human instead of a King. Kaneki couldn't stand to see people died saving his life. Yes, he is the King, and the King needs to be protected, but at the same time, the King also needs to protect his people. Die for his people. One man should be sacrificed for the lives of many, not the other way around.

Kaneki took a deep breath before staring at the desk's drawer. ' _Okay Hide, I will try to find the right girl. Then let's see if I found my reason to live._ ' Inside the desk drawer was the list of queen candidates, he left it there ever since he received it from Hinami and had never bothered to check. Seeing his condition had gotten worsened and wanting to prove Hide's theory, he pulled open the drawer and placed the list on his table. His eyes began to scan each page.

Princess Rize from Washuu. ' _Ahh, I missed her.'_ They always had discussion about books whenever King Tsuneyoshi visited Re. But she hadn't joined her father's visit for six months now. While she was definitely his type, he viewed her as a friend as Rize had straight-forward told him she was in love with someone else when Kaneki confessed his love for her three years ago.

Princess Hairu from Sunlit Garden. ' _She has this graceful look in front of everyone but in front of me she looks like she wants to pick a fight.'_ Kaneki shivered remembering her stares and smirks.

Princess Eto from Aogiri. ' _Wait isn't she engaged to Prince Kishou already?'_

Princess Itori from Pierrot. ' _A big NO._ _She parties all night, definitely not a good candidate.'_

Princess Roma from Pierrot. ' _Not interested._ '

Princess Touka from Anteiku. '…' His heart sank, and skipped a beat.

He stared at the drawing of her for a long moment. Princess Touka has grown into a beautiful young woman in six years. She dyed her hair to light blue, her right eye was still covered, revealing only her left eye instead. That stunning indigo-colored eye, however, still looked sad despite the mesmerizing smile she gave on her lips.

Kaneki hadn't met her since King Ayato's coronation day. In Anteiku Kingdom, the first son will rule the kingdom despite Touka being the first child. He felt sympathetic at Ayato, having to shoulder the weight of ruling the kingdom at the age of 15, it must have been hard. He understood the hardship, as he became a King at a much younger age than him.

He remembered Ayato's coronation day very clearly. It was a coronation day but the atmosphere was gloomy. The people were crying. There was no joy as the previous King Arata had died tragically. _Kaneki couldn't save him_.

" _Take care of my daughter…_ "

Guilt began to form into his heart as he remembered the painful conversation with Princess Touka at the ceremony.

 _"He could've saved himself… But he chose to save_ you _instead! He left us, because of you!" The tears fell uncontrollably from her eyes. "You cause his death! You killed him! Killer! Coward!" Kaneki stepped forward to calm her down._

 _"Touka-chan-" She stepped back._

 _"Don't come near me. Cowards like you should stay out of Anteiku!" and she ran. Away from him. Away from the ceremony._

That was the last time he saw her. In a way, he was also running. Running from guilt. Running from fulfilling King Arata's final request. The late King was very fond of Kaneki. He could see the resemblance between the one-eyed-King and himself when he was young. He could also see the sparks in his daughter's eyes whenever Kaneki visited the Anteiku Kingdom.

 _"When Touka has grown up, I wish to see her marrying a good king like you. What do you think?"_

 _That question made Kaneki widened his eyes, then gave a polite smile to the elder King. That was sort of a marriage proposal. He didn't know what to say. He didn't feel that way towards Princess Touka. He treated her like a friend, a precious friend, because deep in his heart, he liked Rize._

But Rize had rejected his feelings. And Touka had become a very beautiful young woman now. He had to admit, just by looking at the drawing, he couldn't believe such a beautiful person could ever exist in this world. She was cute back then, but now, she's breathtakingly beautiful.

He kept on staring at the drawing that he didn't realize Banjou's knock on the door. The older guy came into the chamber bringing in more constitution drafts for his king.

"Ah, so you're finally looking at those lists. Any princess caught your attention?" Banjou had known Kaneki ever since he was born. He was basically his father figure as the previous king died a few months after that. He cares for the one-eyed-King so much as if he was his own son and seeing that he's dying soon formed a painful ache in his heart.

"I choose this princess. Send out Naki's team for the proposal. Tell Tsukiyama that if she accepts, I'm counting on him for the wedding preparation."

"Yes, my king."

"Good." Said Kaneki as he left the study chamber to call off the night. He had enough of running. He was going to fulfill the late King Arata's request. He didn't love her, but he chose duty over love. He chose Re Kingdom's future over his and his candidate's heart.

Banjou walked to the desk to see which princess his King has chosen. He smiled softly reading the name on the paper.

Princess Touka from Anteiku.


	2. Proposal

Note: 'Aneki' means sister

* * *

"You have the options to either accept or decline His Majesty's proposal, hence it is really up to you, Princess Touka. As someone who has been given education by His Majesty himself, I have seen his kind nature and I believe he is a good choice for you. Thus choose your love, then love your choice. As people said, 'a man has a choice to begin love, but not to end it.' I can see that he will cherish you for the rest of his life." Naki ended the proposal speech, head held high with a proud expression on his face.

His education had improved a lot compared to five years ago when he couldn't even spell 'Kaneki' correctly. For that, he was eternally grateful to Kaneki, as the King himself gave him an education, and now, he became the Head of Public Relations due to his skills in communication. It was an honour, really.

Princess Touka, however, was left speechless. First of all, she did not expect the Re Kingdom's Head of Public Relations and Head of Spy, Naki, and Hinami to visit Anteiku. Second of all, she did not expect the purpose of the visit would be a marriage proposal. Third of all, she did not expect Kaneki would even propose to her. After the bad parting they had six years ago, this was the last thing she could even imagine.

"What do you think, aneki? Will you decline?" King Ayato enquired while staring at her as if waiting for her response immediately.

"I- Give me some time. Three days, will that be enough?"

"Of course. Take your time as much as you want to, Princess Touka."

"Kindly stay here in our castle for the time being. The journey from Re Kingdom must be tiring."

"Your kind hospitality is highly appreciated, King Ayato." Both Naki and Hinami, along with the guards from Re Kingdom bowed before following Koma, the butler from Anteiku to their respective chambers.

If Re castle was full of dark tiles, Anteiku castle was a contrast. Almost everything was bright-coloured. The hallways were spacious, and there were candlesticks near each pillar but it seemed they weren't used as the windows were large enough that sunlight was illuminating each area of the castle. The guest chambers were huge as well and on the desk of each chamber, there was a cup filled with coffee, hot and ready to be served to each guest.

"Ah, Anteiku's coffee is the best! Thank you so much for this." Naki seemed joyful looking at the coffee on his desk.

"It's our pleasure to provide the best service to our guests. Please enjoy your stay in Anteiku."

"We will. Thank you so much, Koma."

Koma bowed and left Naki alone to enjoy his coffee. He took a slurp and the taste brought him to heaven. Figuratively of course.

' _Ahh, it's so delicious! If only you were here Miza. I wonder if I can bring some coffee beans back to Re…_ '

* * *

"Aneki." Ayato greeted after stepping into his sister's chamber. Touka was lying on her bed, hands on her forehead, she was definitely thinking about the unexpected proposal.

"I don't understand him. Why me?" She sat up, staring at her lap.

"I don't understand too. Maybe Rize rejected him or something. I swear I thought he would have married Rize."

"Me too…"

Ayato went to sit beside her on the bed.

"Hey, at least you have more options now. Just choose whoever that you think will make you happy. And, don't accept just because you feel obligated to. Review everything thoroughly. If you accept Kaneki, you'll become the Queen of Re Kingdom. If you accept Rio, you are still a Princess as he is not the first child."

Touka still looked as troubled as she was this afternoon.

"Also, follow your heart."

Still, silence accompanied them. She didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. Who to choose. Ayato sighed heavily before speaking up.

"Okay let me guide you. When Rio proposed, you asked him to give you a month to think about it. A month has passed, and you asked for another month. But when that half-assed bastard Kaneki proposed, you asked for three days. Do the math and I can definitely know who you are choosing." Touka's face flushed at this statement. She lightly punched her brother's chest.

"Stupid Ayato."

"I'm a genius and you know that." He smirked. "Should I update Naki about this?"

"Yeah, do whatever you want. I trust you. It's just that, I know he is not interested in me. So that makes me feel uneasy. Why would he propose when he doesn't have any feelings towards me? And he hasn't visited for so long. Out of nowhere, he's asking my hand for marriage? Don't you think it's weird, Ayato?"

"Hmm… I think father asked him to marry you or something before he died…" Touka's eyes widened at Ayato's response. She definitely was not expecting that answer. But it could be a possibility. And everything would make so much sense. She felt bad for Kaneki though. It must be hard for him to ask someone that he doesn't love to be his wife.

She sighed heavily before laying her head on his shoulder, cherishing each moment with her brother as much as she could as she will move out of Anteiku very soon.

"Don't you feel bad for Prince Rio?"

"Well, I don't love him anyway."

"Heh~ so you _do_ love that half-assed Kaneki. I see."

"Wha- I didn't say that!"

"Come on aneki, I can read you like a book. You still can't forgive him, I know, but it doesn't mean you don't like him. You use the rabbit hair stick he gave for your birthday present on your hair every single day. Even now you are wearing it." Unconsciously Touka's hand reached up to feel the hair stick on her hair.

"Just because I wear it every day doesn't mean it holds a special place in my heart. Besides, it's been too long. I have moved on years ago. I don't love him anymore." Her facial expression was indifferent. Ayato had a hard time reading her expression.

"Well, but Kaneki's a good guy. He reminds me of our father a lot though. Like, a lot. Look at how he managed his kingdom, not a single rebel, everyone loves him, everyone adores him. He's doing a great job. Unlike me…"

"Hey, you're doing great Ayato. Don't try so hard to be like father, just be who you are. I know our people love you. Yes, some of them keep on comparing you with father but it will pass eventually. Anyways, I won't be here anymore to rule Anteiku with you, are you sure you're gonna be fine?"

"I'm fine. I have Uncle Renji, and Yoshimura is still here. I'll be fine, really. Just… don't forget to visit us."

"I will. And I'll bring Hinami along." She winked.

He coughed but didn't retort to her words anyway.

"You miss her, don't you? Go talk to her before she went back to Re."

"Wha- I-"

"Just go!" She pushed him away. Ayato's face was red and Touka laughed, she had so much fun seeing the blushes on his face.

"Stupid aneki! You still love Kaneki and I know that!" He shouted before leaving the chamber. Touka still couldn't stop laughing but slowly after he left, her laughter stopped, and she buried her face in her hands.

' _Stupid father. Stupid Kaneki._ '

* * *

On the way back to his chamber, Ayato passed by the castle's garden to cool himself off. Also, the garden was the place where he and Hinami spent their childhood days when they were young. When Dr. Fueguchi Asaki, Anteiku castle's private doctor, was still alive.

Anteiku castle was raided eight years ago, assassins from Pierrot Kingdom snuck into the castle but surprisingly their target was not King Arata, but Dr. Fueguchi instead. The assassins killed both Dr. Fueguchi and his wife. Duke Renji and Knight Yoshimura encountered them when they were trying to escape, the assassins lost the fight but both Yoshimura and Renji were badly injured as well. The assassins proceeded to kill themselves before Anteiku even had the chance to interrogate them.

After King Donato, the King of Pierrot Kingdom thought his people had been killed by Anteiku people, he declared war on them. Anteiku, unable to defend against the full army led by Knight Uta after the injury of Duke Renji and Knight Yoshimura, sought for help from Re Kingdom.

King Kaneki, during that time was only 16 years old. But his army, led by himself and Knight Nishiki was strong enough that it made any other kingdom afraid to mess with their kingdom. In the end, Anteiku Kingdom won, but they had a bad relationship with Pierrot Kingdom ever since.

It was during the days Kaneki spent in Anteiku that he became closer with King Arata, Princess Touka and Hinami. Ayato disliked him as he thought it was very shameful of Anteiku to seek help from another kingdom. But his father seemed to have taken a liking to the young king ever since. What worse was not only his father had become closer with Kaneki, but his sister _and_ his crush too.

Kaneki didn't stay long each time he visited the kingdom, but he always visited them about once per three months. Because of that, Ayato called him half-assed. He was definitely jealous of the king, every time they greeted each other the atmosphere was always intense from Ayato's side.

Sometimes during Kaneki's visits he would have sparring sessions with Touka and Hinami, and during that time he discovered Hinami's potential and requested her to move in to Re with him, as Re was lack of a powerful spy. To his surprise, Hinami accepted. But _someone_ wasn't happy.

As if luck was on Ayato's side, Hinami was also in the garden, reminiscing about her childhood days in Anteiku. She was on her way back to her chamber when she saw King Ayato sat on one of the benches at the garden's entrance. She bowed towards him.

"Your Majesty." Ayato snorted.

I don't remember asking you to call me that.

"But-"

"Just call me Ayato-kun like you usually did."

"But you're a King now, and-"

"Hinami." His said sternly, and Hinami shivered.

"At least, when in private, call me Ayato-kun. You can call Touka 'onee-chan' like you usually did, I know she won't mind either. She has always wanted a younger sister." For some reasons, Ayato blushed at his own statement.

"A-anyways, have a seat." He patted the space beside him, Hinami hesitated a bit but she sat beside him eventually.

"How's life in Re?"

"It's… okay, I guess. His Majesty has been very nice to me."

"Did you… miss us?"

"Well, sometimes. But every time I did, Tsukiyama-san and Banjou-san would cheer me up and I would feel better." She smiled, remembering how those two did their best to make her feel comfortable.

"I see. Don't you… ever want to return?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, well, after your whatever business with that half-assed King is finished, you are welcome to return anytime. We will accept you with open arms. Damn, your home is here. With us. I mean, in Anteiku."

Hinami giggled.

"I like King Kaneki."

"HAH?!"

"I didn't mean that way. I like him, as a king. He's a good king. He cares for his people a lot. Sometimes I feel like he's too overworked. I'm worried. I really hope onee-chan's presence will light him up. He is so lonely… He…" Hinami bit her lower lip. She couldn't tell Ayato that her precious king is dying. It was a top secret only known to those who were close to him. If Ayato knew… he would disapprove of this marriage.

So she cried. She poured her heart out. She couldn't bear to see King Kaneki dies. He was so kind towards her. He taught her literature. He provided a home where she won't feel lonely, he made sure she didn't feel sad when thinking about her parents. She could never imagine a kind king like him dies at an early age. He needed to live. He needed to find love. He needed to feel loved.

Banjou, Tsukiyama, Nishiki, Naki, Miza, they all loved him, but he could not see it. There was some sort of wall between them and King Kaneki that they could not break it down no matter what. She really hoped that with Princess Touka, he would not build any wall. He would show his vulnerability. To be able to love her for who she is, and she loves him for who he is. ' _But this isn't a fairy tale…_ ' Hinami trying to remind herself, and it made her bawled even louder.

Ayato panicked, he didn't know what to do but then lifted his hand to pat her shoulder. She buried her face on his chest for a moment.

"I'm sorry Ayato-kun, this is very inappropriate." She wanted to pull away but Ayato gripped her shoulder tighter. So she stayed there. Crying her heart out.

 _'Why does everyone I care for hold a strong emotion towards Kaneki… that bastard. If he makes my sister cry again I'll fucking kill him.'_


	3. Wedding

The wedding ceremony was held grandly, the whole Re Kingdom attended and witnessed the wedding ceremonial between their precious king and the princess from Anteiku Kingdom.

When Touka arrived in Re Kingdom three days earlier, Kaneki was anxious about meeting her. Thus he had been avoiding her all the time. The day of the wedding was their first reunion after six long years.

His breath halted when he saw her walking arm in arm with her brother. Miza did a wonderful job in accentuating her beautiful features. Both of her mesmerizing eyes were visible, and he could see her flawless complexion, supple lips, exactly- no, even way more stunning than in the photo. Tsukiyama did a great job in making her appearance seemed like a young queen, and the costume made her breasts look fuller, giving off a maternity vibe.

"Oi, it's your turn to take her." For some reasons Ayato became irritated seeing the way Kaneki stared at his sister. ' _She always looks like a cow to me, why do you look so impressed?_ '

"Oh, sorry." He held out his arm, Touka let go of her brother's arm and wrapped hers around Kaneki's instead. They both walked along the aisle together, side by side, both were very handsome and beautiful, a match made in heaven.

* * *

"We need to talk."

"I know. Let's talk later. People are watching."

Touka grumped but agreed anyway.

They danced. It was super stiff at first. They haven't met each other for six years. Touka had become a graceful young woman, even though she still had her boyish and rough persona, her feminine side had been dominating her more now. Kaneki, on the other hand, looked more mature, no longer a young boy with black hair. His hair was dyed white and his body had become ripped. Due to his sleeveless costume, everyone could see his well-developed muscles, and with the middle part hairstyle, he looked so astonishingly handsome. A man now, no longer a boy.

The only one thing that remained the same was his eyepatch. It was always there on his left eye. That was how he had gotten the title 'one-eyed-King'. Rumours had it he gouged his eye out when the previous Queen died. Some other rumours were his other eye was dysfunctional ever since he was born. She had always wanted to know the truth, but no matter what he won't ever tell her.

Touka could feel his rough hands enveloping her waist and hand. It was different. Back then, she liked his kind personality. She knew he had muscles due to their sparring sessions but not ripped like now. Six years ago, he looked like a kid, but now he looked more mature. She blushed a bit when he caught her staring at him.

Kaneki noticed Touka's eyes on him. ' _I really changed a lot, didn't I? You look so surprised._ ' Touka's hand and waist were soft and warm, despite being a princess who knows how to defend herself. It wasn't only him, she had changed a lot too. She was so petite before, like a little girl, but now she has the body of a young woman. Her shoulders became broader a bit, hips turned wider, and her breasts definitely grown bigger. The wedding costume did a magnificent job in emphasizing her cleavage, and Kaneki had a hard time averting his gaze.

He appreciated Miza's decision in parting Touka's hair so that both of her eyes were visible. Back then, the only time he could see her right eye was during their sparring sessions, but now, right in front of him, he could see both of her eyes. And she is so, so, so beautiful. Heavy lashes, perfect eyebrow, red lips that looked so enticing, how could someone turned into this beautiful in six years?

Touka 'accidentally' stepped on Kaneki's foot when she noticed his heavy gaze on her. "Sorry." She apologized. He just chuckled.

"You're too stiff. Relax a bit."

Touka widened her eyes. He said the same thing six years ago.

 _It was a grand ball held by Aogiri Kingdom and they invited all nearby kingdoms for that. Touka wore her best dress, any sane guys would not turn their eyes away from her._

 _But for Kaneki, even though she looked cute that night, all in his eyes was Rize. He was dancing and twirling with her almost all the time. A lot of other princes like Prince Rio and Prince Nimura asked Touka for a dance but she declined them. She was waiting for Kaneki, but the said man did not even spare her a second glance as he kept on dancing with Rize, their eyes sparkled, their lips burst into laughter._

" _Forget about him, aneki. He's not interested in you." Ayato emerged out of nowhere._

" _Said someone who can't even stop his crush from leaving the kingdom." She heard him sighing._

" _Hinami followed that half-assed because she is useful to him, and he needs her. It was her choice to leave us, all we can do is respect her decision."_

" _I didn't mention Hinami." She tilted her head, smirking. She swore that if she were to put a tomato beside Ayato's red face, she couldn't differentiate which one is tomato and which one is her brother's face as both have the same colour._

" _Just- forget about him-"_

" _Touka-chan, would you like to dance?" Suddenly Kaneki was in front of her, taking out his hand, waiting for her answer._

' _Ah, no wonder. Rize is dancing with her half-brother, Nimura now.'_

" _Y-yes." She placed her hand on his and walked to the stage with him leading the way. They started to dance but Touka being a girl who has a crush on the guy she was dancing with, she couldn't help but blushed and being awkward at the close proximity between them. Sure, they have sparred before but this was totally different._

" _You're too stiff. Relax a bit. Here, follow my lead."_

 _She almost stumbled twice before slowly able to follow his lead._

" _Yes yes, just like that." Kaneki smiled, encouraging her more. It's not that she couldn't dance, she was just nervous dancing with her crush._

" _You're so cute today. And you're wearing that hair stick. I'm glad it suits you." Now instead of Ayato, it was_ her _face that has the colour of a tomato._

" _T-Thanks for the present."_

" _My pleasure." He smiled kindly. That smile just made Touka fell for him even more. 'Why am I falling for someone who doesn't even love me? I'm so stupid.'_

" _How is Hinami coping?"_

" _She's doing great. I'm glad she chose to come with me. She'll be a great spy, I can see that."_

" _What about you? How are you coping up?"_

" _Hmm… I think I'm good. You?"_

" _I'm good too."_

 _He nodded. Silence accompanied them and she saw Rize has finished dancing with Nimura. She waved then smiled at Kaneki and Kaneki returned her smile. His eyes were beaming._

" _Will you… are you… going to marry Rize one day?"_

 _She could see his face turned full red. There was no need to hear his answer, it was so obvious whom his heart belongs to. 'Maybe Ayato was right. I should forget about him.' Her expression hurt, her eyes were teary, but of course Kaneki did not realise that._

"Touka-chan? Can you hear me?" Kaneki's voice had brought Touka's attention back to present.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She was trying to reassure him but the way she said it, it was a bit stern.

Kaneki decided not to say anything and just continued dancing with her.

"Hey, now that we're married, what should I call you? Is 'Ken' okay?"

Kaneki stopped on his track, soon after the crowds started to whisper to each other because their king suddenly froze.

He cleared his throat, placed his hand on Touka's back and bent her body backwards, his head and body aligned with hers. She squeaked at his action. Her arms automatically wrapped around his neck. He smirked.

When he brought her up, she buried her face on his shoulder to hide the blush on her cheeks. Kaneki circled his arms around her waist and hugged her tighter. Crowds cheered at witnessing their king and queen moments together.

' _Still 'Kaneki' huh… Even though we are married…_ ' Her heart ached at his shock expression earlier. He was definitely not expecting that. ' _What's the point of being your wife if I can't even call you by your first name? Stupid Kaneki._ '

* * *

Later that night, when the ceremony ended, the newlywed couple went to their chamber. Kaneki sat on the bed and Touka sat beside him.

"Thank you."

Touka stared at Kaneki, waiting for an explanation.

"For accepting me. After what happened six years ago, I thought-"

"Don't you dare think I've forgiven you, because I haven't." She looked at him straight in the eyes. Face void of any emotions. Shock was written all over his face. He thought she accepted because she has forgiven him.

"Why me? Why marry me when you don't love me? Why marry me when you love Rize? Was it because my father asked you to promise something?"

Kaneki couldn't find any words to answer her questions. He did not expect Touka to know that.

"You're an idiot. Just like my father." She smirked.

"Touka-chan, I-"

"How does it feel marrying because of duty? How does it feel marrying someone you don't love? How does it feel having children with someone you don't have feelings for? How does it feel, forced to live the rest of your life with someone you don't care-"

He pushed her down onto the bed, both of his hands were on her shoulders.

"Now you are going to force yourself on me? That's not very gentleman, _Kaneki_."

He shook his head and tried to give a soft smile, but the expressions on his face were hurt and full of guilt instead.

"For whatever I have done to you, I'm sorry. King Arata died because of me, I'm sorry. I know you will never forgive me no matter how many times I apologise." He took a deep breath, his hand caressing her left cheek in a tender manner.

"Yes, I married you because he asked me to take care of you. So I will do that as long as I live. I don't love you. But I'm planning to. I want to fall in love with you. I'm not asking you to love me back, it would be selfish of me to ask you that. The fact that I proposed to you was already a selfish request from me. I'm sorry, for dragging you into this matter."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, Touka-chan. I'm really sorry. Thank you for accepting me."

He planted a kiss on her forehead and she could feel tears fell onto her hair. What she did not notice was the colour of the tears behind the eyepatch. They were black.

Kaneki left the chamber without even sparing a glance towards Touka, leaving her alone, dumbfounded. From that night onwards, that chamber has become Touka's, and Kaneki slept in another chamber. Kaneki had also been avoiding her, he did not show his face to her, they did not eat together, they did not study together, they did not rule the kingdom together. Whenever there was a meeting, Touka was not invited. Whenever Touka wanted to meet Kaneki, Nishiki drove her away. It had been continuing like that for almost two weeks.

* * *

Somewhere near the fish pond outside the castle sat a couple, discussing the current situation. The boyfriend laid his head on his girlfriend's lap, enjoying the peaceful sound of chirping birds and fish while the girlfriend threw bread crumbs onto the pond.

"I'm really happy that our king is married, but this isn't going smoothly."

"What do you mean?"

"They're married but they act like strangers! I don't know what His Majesty is accomplishing by avoiding his wife, that's not what a husband does. I think he feels guilty or something. But, the heir line needs to be continued or else some other Kingdoms will attack ours and claim as theirs! But how are they going to have children if they sleep in different chambers?!"

"Wait, you know how children are made? Please teach me!" Naki sat up, his hands grabbing his girlfriends' shoulders, the expressions on his face were serious and hopeful.

"Huh?" Miza was confused.

"No matter how many times I've asked His Majesty, he will never teach me. So I'm begging you, please teach me how children are made."

Blood started to drip from Miza's nose, she was certainly imagining _something_. Something that will never happen between them considering how dumb her boyfriend is, despite receiving an education from the king himself.

"Miza, you have blood dripping from your nose. Are you alright? Are you ill or something?"

Realising that, she blushed, and ran as fast as she could, leaving a very confused Naki behind.

"Wait. Mizaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" He went to chase after his blushing girlfriend.


	4. Confrontation

His hands were everywhere on her body, trying to have as much contact as possible. She whimpered, feeling sensitive from the touches he gave her, also from the euphoric sensation of him inside her. He knew her body like the back of his hand, he knew what it took to make her moan, made her whimper with the need of his touch, and he knew how to make her body crumbled underneath him.

He kissed her, sloppily as he couldn't hold it any longer. Not long after, he came, and his hands never left hers. They both panted and lay in each other's arms until both of them fell asleep.

Every time he visited Washuu kingdom, they would end up doing this. Nishiki wasn't sure what to call them. Lovers? It wasn't a first sight love. He was just returning her horse when he realized the rope tying it to the tree was loose. She thanked him for that. Then he found out she worked for Dr. Kanou. He insisted on joining his king whenever there was a visit to Washuu kingdom. He wanted to meet her again. After several conversations and getting to know each other, they found out they weren't able to separate without having a taste of each other first.

Of course his king did not realize, he was pretty slow in sensing this kind of thing. Hide, however, _knew_ , but he did not say anything.

He kept the secret to his death.

* * *

Kaneki stood on the rooftop of Washuu castle tower, enjoying the picturesque night view from the high place. He could see his kingdom from up there as the location of these two kingdoms were quite near with each other.

"Hey Kaneki, I knew you would be here." Prince Nimura greeted him when he arrived on the rooftop as well.

Kaneki didn't say anything. He didn't really like Nimura, the guy always seemed so cunning. Like a fox ready to trick its prey anytime it wants to.

"Congratulations on your wedding! But you are dying anyway, is Princess Touka the chosen puppet to carry your bloodline?" He smiled sarcastically.

"Mind your tongue, Nimura." He warned.

"After you die, can I marry her? If I do, Re will be mine. I'll make sure the kingdom will be super peaceful."

"It's peaceful enough to me. And don't you dare touch my wife."

"But she's so beautiful." He pouted. "Pretty eyes, sexy curves. You're her husband, of course you know that. Ahh, I'm so jealous. I want to have her as well."

"Don't talk about her like that!" Kaneki grabbed him by the collar, his eyes appeared menacing. But the prince remained unfazed, as if he wasn't threatened at all.

"Ohho~ what a protective husband you are. No matter what, Touka will be mine after you die. Don't you worry, both she and Re will be in good hands."

"I'll make sure I'll live." That made Nimura perked up.

"So you agree to have the surgery?"

"I'll figure out something else."

"You can't, Kaneki. Dr. Kanou is your only chance. You need to help us conquer V Kingdom, and then he will perform the surgery. Just give up and come to us~"

"I'm tired from the journey. Good night." Kaneki left him alone, having a conversation with Nimura was always useless as the prince really liked to provoke him.

"Tch. We'll kill you during the surgery anyway." He grinned.

* * *

The next day, both Kaneki and Nishiki went to Dr. Kanou's place inside Washuu castle as the doctor advised him to have a check-up at least once per two months.

Kimi, as usual, was there as well as his assistant. Nishiki gave her a warm smile, and she sheepishly smiled back, but those acts didn't go unnoticed by the middle age doctor.

"Good morning, King Kaneki. Congratulations on your wedding. Why didn't you bring your wife here?"

"Thanks. She… has other stuff to do." Kanou was very sharp, he was able to see through the young king.

"You didn't tell her." A sigh was heard.

"She doesn't have to know. At least not yet." Kaneki sat on the patient chair, held out his arm to get ready for the blood test.

"Are you sure about that? She might feel betrayed, you know? You married her just for the sake of having an heir, that's so selfish of you, don't you think?" Kanou pulled out the needle, syringe and soft cotton, getting ready to take his blood.

"That's not all the reason why I married her. Just mind your own business, Doctor." Kaneki started to feel annoyed by him. Kanou was always a very cunning man. In fact, almost everyone in Washuu kingdom was cunning, except for Kishou. But his fiancé was cunning too, so Kaneki couldn't cross him off from the list.

"My apologies. So how is your eye doing? How frequently do you have black tears these days?"

Kaneki removed his eyepatch, revealing a black sclera and red iris when he opened his left eye. Even his eyelid was starting to look swollen.

"I think it's gotten worse. I have them almost every week, even when I'm crying."

"How did she react?"

"…"

"Oh. She doesn't know about this too. You're a very secretive husband."

"I _repeat_. Just mind your own business."

"How long has it been since your wedding? A month? Hasn't she tried to see what was beneath your eyepatch?"

Kaneki just remained silent. His face showed a bit of uneasiness even though he was trying to cover it.

"Ahh… I see. That's not good, King Kaneki. You need to conceive a child very soon. From what I have gathered, and I'm not entirely sure until I have obtained the full result tomorrow, but your remaining six years seem to have been shortened to five years. You should cherish your life to the fullest while you're still living."

"I'll just wait for the result tomorrow. Thanks for the advice." Kaneki didn't seem thankful though, he was annoyed, angry, irritated. ' _He should just mind his own business.'_

The full result had been analysed the next day, and Dr. Kanou was right. Five years. At most. He would die before even reaching 30. His kingdom, his people. If he died without leaving an heir, some other kingdom would try to take over. And God knows what would happen to Touka. She would either be forced into a marriage, or be a concubine, or imprisoned, or even worse, sentenced to death.

He made a promise to King Arata that he would take care of his daughter. But he has been avoiding her for almost a month now. She hasn't forgiven him, and that made him scared. Thus he kept on avoiding her. ' _God, what should I do?_ '

* * *

"The crops are still dying, Your Majesty. If this continues, we will run out of them very soon." Fuka gave his weekly report to his king.

Kaneki sighed. They have tried to treat the crops, but they were still dying. He ran out of ideas. Maybe he should start trading their goats with other kingdoms to obtain more resources.

"Let's try to use another method. Change the fertilizers to the one that Washuu kingdom gave us. Inform me of the result next month."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"The meeting today is dismissed." With that, everyone left the meeting chamber. Except for Tsukiyama. Kaneki didn't mind though. As the High Chancellor who has known the one-eyed-King for more than 10 years it was normal for Tsukiyama to stay and gave his opinion and advice after the meeting ended. Today, however, he pressed on a different topic.

"I heard you two aren't sleeping together."

Kaneki's hand stopped from signing approvals for a moment, but he ignored Tsukiyama and continued signing them. Tsukiyama placed his hands on his hips while standing directly in front of his king.

"You're dying."

"I still have five years-"

"At most!" Tsukiyama interrupted him. "At most, Your Majesty. For God sake, you could die tomorrow and no one could have expected that."

"Then what do you want me to do?" He turned to look at him. Eyes annoyed.

"Leave an heir. Don't you care about our future, Your Majesty?"

"I _do_ care. But I didn't marry her just so that she could produce babies just like what our goats do. She is way more than that."

"Then why did you choose her? You do know in the end you have to sacrifice her happiness, don't you?"

"I know. I just…"

"Don't tell me you love her? Do you?" His voice cracked, it sounded more like a whimper.

"I- I don't." His eyes avoiding him.

"I saw the way you looked at her on your wedding day. You looked very fascinated by her."

"I supposed. But I don't love her."

"If I were a female, I would have offered myself, Your Majesty. You know that."

"Tsukiyama, I thought we're done talking about this." He glared, he was clearly annoyed by that topic. After Rize rejected him three years ago, he whined to Tsukiyama about it, but in the end he got a love confession instead. That shocked him and he told the High Chancellor to never bring it up ever again.

"I'm sorry. But you have to consummate your marriage soon. I don't want other kingdoms to attack us because you don't have an heir. She'll understand."

Kaneki sighed.

"I hope she will. But give me some time. I want to fall in love with her. Then maybe, I'll have the surgery, if there's no other way."

"I understand. Good night, Your Majesty." With that, he left the chamber, leaving Kaneki alone.

* * *

Touka couldn't stand it. For a month, she felt so alienated by her own husband. Tonight, she decided to confront him using a different method since that shitty Nishiki always drove her away.

She leaned against the wall outside his study chamber, waiting for the servant to bring coffee to their king. Upon seeing the servant, she approached her, offering to bring it to the king herself. The servant had no choice but to obey her queen. To her luck, Nishiki wasn't guarding the door, probably because it was past midnight, and Kaneki would not expect his wife wanting to meet him that late.

She knocked slowly on the door.

"Come in." Kaneki said without even looking at it. Touka went in, placed the coffee beside a stack of untouched documents on the desk, and after saying thank you Kaneki gave a hand gesture for the servant to leave him alone.

But she wasn't moving at all. He turned to look at her and surprised to see his own wife standing there, arms folded across her chest, her face was scowling.

"…Touka-chan." Was all he managed to say.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"…I'm sorry." She raised her eyebrow, waiting for more explanation but Kaneki didn't continue his words.

"That's it? You left me hanging on our wedding night, and I couldn't reach you. You asked that shitty Nishiki to drive me away every time I tried to. I couldn't even see your face."

"…I thought you hate me."

"I don't. I haven't forgiven you, but it doesn't mean I hate you. And if you continue treating me like this then I will."

He stared at her. Speechless.

"What am I to you? You avoided me for a month. I wanted to see you last week but you went to Washuu kingdom? Without even _telling_ me? Am I just a puppet, Kaneki?" Hearing the word puppet reminds him of Nimura. Guilt and rage started to boil in him.

"I'm sorry." He sounded a bit too harsh and that irritated her more.

"…You don't sound like you are."

More silence.

"I was lonely, Kaneki. I don't know anyone here, except Hinami. Why are you doing this to me? Why did you even _marry_ me? You said you want to fall in love with me, you gave me hope when you said that, but now, I don't know if I can trust you anymore." Tears fell from her eyes, she felt so stupid for thinking this marriage could work.

"You took my father away from me. By doing that you took away my happiness as well. And now you want to take away my freedom? How much of a greedy person are you?"

"I didn't-"

"I don't think this will work, Kaneki. I want to leave this place. I'm not happy here." She wiped her tears using her handkerchief, her face looking determined.

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"I'm going back to Anteiku tomorrow."


	5. Reconciliation

" _I'm going back to Anteiku tomorrow."_

"Wait, Touka-chan. No." He stood up and grabbed her arm, preventing her from leaving, only to be yanked away immediately.

"I have enough of this."

"I won't avoid you anymore, I promise."

"How do I know you will keep your promise?" She stared into his eye, searching for affirmation.

"I…"

"See? You can't even prove yourself!"

"Don't leave me… please." He sounded a little too desperate despite avoiding her for a whole month.

"How irony you sound right now, when you were the one who was leaving me alone." She said bitterly.

"I'm sorry… how can I make it up to you? Tell me. I'll do anything." He pleaded. "Please. I'm begging you. Don't leave."

Touka let out a heavy sigh, she didn't have the heart to hurt him. Maybe Ayato was right about her feelings towards this man. Maybe, just maybe, she still loved him after all.

"Just… stop avoiding me. Include me in your life, in your ruling. Let me help you. I've ruled Anteiku with Ayato, I have the basics. Give me a chance, Kaneki." He sat on his chair and thought for a while before answering her.

"Alright then. I'll let you. I'll teach you about Re kingdom from tomorrow onwards. I promised your father that I will take care of you, so I will do it properly this time. I won't avoid you ever again." She let out a sigh before standing directly beside him, then punched his face until he fell off the chair.

"Ow! What was that for?!" He rubbed his swollen cheek, shocked of getting punched by his own wife.

He didn't have a chance to pull himself up as she straddled him, punching his chest lightly, her voice was a bit shaky.

"What are you, an idiot? Don't do this if you're unwilling to… Do this because you want to, not because my father asked you to... Don't obey his order if it is against your will... You should think of your own happiness first, idiot." She bit her lower lip, she was quivering.

"Touka-chan… but I want to." He smiled gently, warm enough to make her almost cried again.

"See? You're giving me hope again… I'm sorry I'm not a good wife. I stated clearly that I haven't forgiven you… That made you scared, wasn't it? You thought I hate you."

He shook his head. "It's alright." He caressed her right cheek to calm her trembling form, she leaned into his touch and put her hand on top of his.

"I thought I could live with it, but being alone in this one month, with you avoiding me, it made me rethink my words. In the end, it doesn't matter whether I have forgiven you or not, because no matter what my father will never come back…" She started to cry again, Kaneki immediately pulled her head down onto his chest, letting her weep while he ran his fingers through her hair and her back, soothing her.

"I miss him, Kaneki. I miss him so much." More tears fell onto his shirt but he didn't care, he kissed the top of her head and held her tighter.

"I miss him too. He was a good man." He remembered King Arata's death, how he cradled the dying king in his arms, how at ease he looked when he knew his daughter would be in good hands. Kaneki felt like crying too. He was planning to tell her how Arata died, but it would only make her cried more if he told her now thus he decided to tell her on another day.

They stayed that way for a long time, until Touka's crying turned into small quiet sobs. That was when she realised how comfortable she was lying on his taut chest, with his arms wrapped around her.

"I know my father liked you. He told me that several times. But, it's unfair of him to ask someone who doesn't love his daughter to be his wife. I'm sorry, Kaneki. You sacrificed a lot by fulfilling his request. You love Rize, don't you?" He chuckled, and she felt the vibrations on his chest.

"Not anymore. She rejected me three years ago."

"Huh?" Touka propped her elbow and stared at him.

"Yeah… She was in love with someone else."

"I see… That's- too bad."

"I loved her for five years but I guess she viewed me as a friend. I even cried on the night she rejected me. So lame..." He rubbed his cheek, feeling embarrassed.

"I was lamer, you know? I loved someone but he never noticed my feelings. He always chases after someone else." Kaneki paused for a while.

"Sorry to hear that. That guy is an idiot for not noticing your feelings."

' _That guy was you, stupid._ ' She rolled her eyes. "Doesn't matter. I got over it, I think." She lay on him again mainly to hide her blush, but also because it was so comfortable for her. Her hand was resting on his chest.

"You sure you don't love him anymore?"

"Why? Are you jealous?" she perked up.

"No." She felt a pang of sadness when he said that. "I don't want to force you into this marriage if you're in love with someone else." She chuckled inwardly.

"Don't worry. I… I will try my best to make this marriage works as well. I… will try my best to fall in love with you too." Hearing that, Kaneki placed his hand on top of hers and kissed her forehead. He held her tighter.

"Touka-chan, as a king, I might die anytime. I might get assassinated. And you might as well. I might have some weird disease, or got poisoned, or died on the battlefield. Are you willing to accept me and taking the risk despite all that?" He needed to know the answer. He needed to know that she could accept him, even though he didn't tell her the truth about his dying condition.

Touka turned her hand around and entwined their fingers together.

"Idiot. When I accepted your proposal I've already considered all of those." He exhaled a sigh of relief, tears were accumulating in his eyes.

"Thank you, Touka-chan. Thank you." He couldn't stop the tears from falling down his face. That was when he realised that his black tears might fall as well. He tensed, then quickly pushed his body up into a sitting position, resulting in a surprise reaction from Touka. He quickly turned around and looked for his handkerchief on the desk to wipe his tears.

"…Are you crying? It's okay, you can cry in front of me, Kaneki."

He made sure all of the tears were wiped clean before facing his wife again. As expected, the stain on his handkerchief was black. He had to thank Tsukiyama for suggesting him wearing a black eyepatch recently, else he would have a hard time explaining why his eyepatch turned black.

"I'm alright. I'll see you tomorrow." He fixed his chair's position, sat on it and continued signing the approvals where he had left off previously.

Touka felt very weird why he suddenly acted that way. But she decided to let it go for now.

"Good night, Kaneki. Don't sleep too late. Your eye bag is looking worse than the last time I saw you."

"I won't. Night, Touka-chan." He smiled at her before continuing signing the approvals.

Touka stood there for a while, staring at him.

"Yes? Is there anything else?" She shook her head.

"No, nothing. See you tomorrow." She quickly left the study chamber.

' _What was I expecting anyway?_ '

* * *

"Re kingdom consists of 24 wards altogether. The castle is in the 16th ward. 300 years ago there was a..." They spent three hours learning about how Re kingdom was formed. After a while, Touka's eyes seemed a bit unfocused.

"Shall we take a break?" Kaneki offered.

"Yes, please. Too much information. My brain is getting dizzy." He laughed.

"That's just like you, Touka-chan. But I know you will feel more bored if you read our history book yourself, that's why I'm explaining them to you."

"Yes, I know. Thank you for that, Kaneki." She smiled sheepishly. ' _Ah, she's so beautiful._ '

"My pleasure." He smiled back.

"Your Majesty, the lunch is here." Banjou knocked on the door and he came in with another servant, Jiro to bring in the lunch for his king and queen. Banjou's role was mainly to take care of Kaneki's well being, but he insisted on bringing food as well for his dear king.

When Kaneki told him this morning that the queen will study the basic of Re Kingdom with him, Banjou was glad. Glad because finally, they talked again. Finally, he stopped avoiding her.

"Thanks, Banjou and Jiro. You two may leave now."

"Yes, Your Majesty." Banjou lingered there for seconds and smiled warmly at the sight in front of him. His precious king, with his wife on the other side of the table, were having their meal together. His king seemed happy. For that, he was happy.

"Do you know how lonely I was eating alone for a month?" She sulked.

"I'm sorry…" Guilt was all over his face.

"Don't be. From now on, is it alright to eat together? If you're here, I'll bring my meal here. If you're in your chamber, I'll bring my meal there."

"Touka-chan… Okay. I'll wait for you then."

"Promise?"

"Promise." He nodded. She smiled before continuing eating her meal. He really loved it when she smiled. She looked so beautiful, and content. He planned to make her smile more often from that point on.

* * *

For two weeks, they studied and had meals together. Touka finally had a great understanding of Re's basic, people, law, economy, and resources. She also joined each meeting to learn more about how the ruling and court work in Re. But the part she loved the most was meal time.

They had lunch together in the study chamber when they were studying together. And whenever dinner was brought to her chamber, she would bring them to where Kaneki was so that they could eat together. Usually, he was in his study chamber too. Kaneki also waited for her to come.

By having their meal together, they got to talk a lot more. They became closer. They were already friends since eight years ago but due to those six years of avoidance after King Arata's death, they had a lot to catch up.

Touka mainly talked about Ayato and Uncle Renji. Sometimes she would mention her pets that she left back in Anteiku kingdom. Kaneki on the other hand mainly talked about Tsukiyama, Nishiki, Hinami and also about the kingdom. The kingdom was peaceful so far, but once in a while- there would be an assassination attempt. However, Hirako Take, the royal bodyguard of the one-eyed-King was excellent enough to prevent it from happening.

Touka realised that Kaneki never once talked about Hide. He tried to avoid mentioning his best friend as best as he could. She would not push him, but she heard the story from Hinami. Hide sacrificed his life to save him by falling off the cliff. Ever since then, he had been even more fragile compared to when he lost his mother.

She decided not to ask about Hide. But if one day he felt like talking about it, she would be all ears.

* * *

"Are you free after this? I would like to show you something." Kaneki seemed too excited for some reason.

"What else would I be doing? Of course I'm free."

"Great. Let's go."

They walked from his study chamber to the castle's garden. It was quite a long walk as the castle was enormous. That was when Touka realised that Hirako was always there. Following them discreetly, quietly, stealthily. She was able to notice him because as a former princess she was given a special training to sense if anyone was following her. Kaneki was not affected by it though, he must have been used to it. Hirako was his royal bodyguard after all.

The castle garden scenery never ceased to take her breath away. There was a fountain at the center of the garden, but deep green grass surrounded it, along with several pathways to each side of the garden. There were a lot of flowerbeds as well- lavender, forget-me-not, sunflower, osmanthus, tulips, and several rare flowers. Faunas such as cats, hedgehogs, squirrels, and butterflies were all over the garden.

"I've been here before, Kaneki. I had a month of doing nothing. I came here almost every day."

"…Right. Sorry." He scratched his neck while staring at the grass beneath him. She just shook her head.

"Stop apologizing every single time. But if it's the garden that you want to show me, I'm sorry. I've been to every nook and cranny of this place."

"No, I want to show you something new in this garden. Come." He took her hand in his and guided her to the south side of the garden. Touka stared at his warm hand. It was a lot bigger than hers, but it felt nice. She didn't want him to let go.

They passed by the lake, white swans were swimming everywhere and there were quite a few cygnets following their mother swimming. Water lilies and pink lotus were floating on the surface of the water. They walked further south.

"We're here."

Touka, despite unwilling to- _had_ to let go of his hand to cover her mouth. She could not believe her eyes. Her rabbits, which she had as pets back in Anteiku kingdom, were here. All four of them were kept in a huge cage which filled with their necessities.

"My babies. How-?"

"Well, you talked about them sometimes, and I figured you must have cherished them very much. So I thought since you're going to live here, why don't I bring them to you. I asked Hinami to help me with this, Ayato approved and he assisted in relocating them as well." Touka pursed her lips together to control her emotions but failed. Tears of joy fell from her eyes. She missed her rabbits- or her babies, as she called it- so much.

"Thank you, Kaneki." She pecked his cheek, then hasten to embrace her babies. Kaneki raised his hand to where her lips had been.

Affection. It had been a long time since he experienced it. Or maybe he had never experienced it at all. Not even with his mother.

" _I'm sorry, mother. I don't need… I won't ask for anything anymore! Please don't beat me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_

 _But she continued to beat him. Again. And again. And again._

He closed his eyes, trying to conceal the painful memories from his mind. He didn't realise he was cracking his knuckles. Slowly, he forced himself to breathe steadily. ' _Inhale… hold, exhale…_ '

' _You have a wife now, don't ever think of dying again.'_

' _Take care of her.'_

' _Love her.'_

' _Make her happy.'_

' _Live._ '

After a while, his mind seemed to get better. And his breathing became steadier.

He watched his beautiful wife hugging each rabbit. She looked joyful. She smiled genuinely while waving at him, calling him to come over and pet the rabbits with her. He hesitated at first, but eventually stepped into the cage and sat beside her.

"Kaneki, this is Taka, Maka, Mika, and Rika. Babies, this is Kaneki Ken. Say hi to your dad." She held Taka's head and made a slight bow gesture towards Kaneki. The rabbit was full black in colour and it reminded her of his old hairstyle.

"Hi dad, please take care of our family. Especially mom, alright?" She used a sweet, high toned voice, mimicking a rabbit.

Kaneki just laughed at her playfulness side. He lifted her chin up and kissed her forehead. Touka was stunned by his action.

"I will." He smiled, warmly.


	6. A Walk in The Market

"Today, pretend as if I'm not here." Kaneki announced at the start of the meeting.

"What do you mean, Your Majesty?" Naki inquired.

"We don't know what the future holds. In case I'm not here any longer, Queen Touka will rule this Kingdom before the next Prince or Princess comes of age."

Tsukiyama gasped and let out a quiet sob, he couldn't take this. He wasn't strong enough to live if that day were to come.

Banjou saw his reaction and he lowered his face as well. Touka noticed the change in atmosphere. ' _Is there something I'm not aware of?_ ' She wondered.

"Queen Touka has been participating in our meeting for three weeks now. This is a practice to see if she is ruling up to my standard." Kaneki explained. Touka raised her eyebrow.

"It sounds more like a test. I have experience in ruling Anteiku, you know."

"Then prove it."

"I will, _Your Majesty_." She spoke each syllable mockingly while rolling her eyes.

"Pretend Queen Touka is your lone ruler. Report everything to her. I will just be the spectator."

"Yes, Your Majesty." Said everyone in the throne room.

Tago stepped ahead and stated his first report to Touka.

"My Queen. The assassin we caught three months ago begs you to reduce his punishment."

"What was his punishment?" Touka asked.

"To become a labour for eight years. He wants to reduce it to five years."

"Kill him."

"WHAT?!" Nishiki was almost shouting.

"Touka-chan, what are you saying?" Kaneki stood up from his seat due to disbelief.

"You're too kind, Kaneki. Your naivety will get back to you someday."

"We don't execute people here. Even if they're bad people. Unless they killed someone."

"So you want to wait for someone to be killed first?" She glared at her husband, her expression was a mixture of hurt and angry.

"No, I didn't mean that. But if we killed someone, the people will be scared of us. They will obey us because they fear the king and his court, not because of respect and admiration."

"If we don't make it strict, there will be lot more assassins in the future. We need to show them what the consequence of trying to assassinate us is. I don't want them to attack and kill us."

' _Like what happened to Queen Hikari and Hinami's parents._ ' Kaneki thought. Touka bit her lower lip, she was trying to hide her grief but he saw through her.

Queen Hikari was assassinated 17 years ago, ever since then they made their rules stricter. Even so, it was also an assassin who killed Hinami's parents.

"No. Don't kill him. Tell him that if he's showing good behaviour, I will reduce it to six years." Kaneki intervened.

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"What are you doing, Kaneki? I thought they all should pretend as if you're not here?" Touka frowned. He just sighed.

"After this meeting ends, can we talk?"

"...Alright."

* * *

"What is it?" She asked as they both entered her chamber. His chamber, to be précised. But he hadn't been here for almost two months. He missed his chamber. Tsukiyama kept on reminding him to consummate his marriage, but he didn't want to force his wife. And he didn't want to take advantage when they both do not love each other.

"I don't blame you for making that decision, but you need to understand that Re operates differently from Anteiku. We rarely execute people here."

"I know. But I just can't bear to lose another important person in my life. First, mother. Then, father. I don't want-" she paused, she didn't want to lose him, but she could not admit it, "if you die, I need to rule this kingdom alone, idiot."

Kaneki smiled, there was sadness in his eye.

"I'll try my best to live longer." He spoke softly that it sounded like a whisper, his uncovered eye was showing misery. It raised confusion in her mind. She had been wondering for weeks, thus she decided it was time to clarify her curiosity.

"Kaneki, may I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Are you hiding something from me?" His eyes widened, but he immediately laughed somewhat nervously.

"Why are you asking me a weird question, Touka-chan? I'm not hiding anything." His hand unconsciously brushed his chin, and she knew. She knew he was hiding something from her. His bad habit never dies.

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"I'm here for you, Kaneki. Your pain, your grief, your secret, you can share those with me. I won't judge, and I will accept everything about you. If you want to talk about it, I'm all ears." He gritted his teeth and returned her embrace even tighter as if to hold himself from breaking down.

' _I'm sorry..._ ' He felt guilty for hiding so many things from her. But he was scared. What if she left him? What if she felt disgusted looking at his damaged eye? What if she looked at him as if she was sympathising him? What if she hated him after knowing how her father died? What if she knew how _his_ mother died? Would she be afraid of him? Would she see him as a monster?

As if sensing his insecurity, she ran her hand across his back continuously while her other hand was patting his shoulder.

"Thank you, Touka-chan." He pulled away only for a bit to caress her right cheek, and she leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. He had a strong urge to kiss her but he rested his forehead against hers instead. They stayed that way for a while, eyes closed and arms still wrapped around each other.

"Would you like to have a walk with me?"

"Sure."

* * *

"Here is your horse. Do you like it?" Touka's gaze averted to the horse that Kaneki was showing her. It was brown and had a masculinity charm around it. For some reasons it reminded her of the horse she had back in Anteiku.

' _Did Kaneki choose this based on my horse in Anteiku?_ ' She wondered.

"It's beautiful..."

"I'm glad. Here's mine." His horse was white in colour, and it was quite tall. She could see that it was a rare breed.

"White, huh? Contrast with your black uniform."

"Come on. Let's go." Kaneki led the way and shortly after they were already outside the castle area. This was the first time Touka saw other parts of Re Kingdom aside of the castle. It was beautiful. Peaceful. The road was carved in pavements and there were shady trees everywhere. She thought the rest of Re would look black like the castle, but she was wrong. Houses were white and brown, almost the same as the houses in Anteiku.

"Let's stop here."

Touka took a look at her surroundings, there were stalls and people everywhere, and there was a lot of chattering around the area too.

"We're going to the market?"

"Yes. This is the largest market in Re. It's very crowded sometimes, especially during festivals. Let's tie our horses here." They both jumped down from their horses and tied it to a massive tree nearby the market entrance.

"Shall we?" He held out his hand, which Touka shyly accepted. They rarely hold hands, and holding hands in public made her anxious. He sensed her anxiousness and squeezed her hand in an attempt to calm her, which he succeeded.

"It's our king and queen!" The crowds at the market were all delighted to see their king and queen visited them. They gave a slight bow and then straightened their body back immediately. Touka was very surprised seeing their behaviour. People in Anteiku kingdom had to kneel and bow to them, and they could only stand up when Ayato gave his permission.

' _So this is how Re citizens greet their king. Interesting._ '

They walked until the middle of the market and Kaneki hurriedly pulled her hand to a simple yet huge stall that had a 'MUTTON STEW' written on a board.

"Let's have our dinner here. This stall has the best stew. Even better than the one in the castle." She nodded and followed him to one of the tables.

"My king, it has been awhile. Congratulations on your wedding." The stall owner bowed at Touka, acknowledging her.

"Thank you, Amon. How is Akira?"

"She's on her 38th weeks now. I told her to just rest at home and let me and the rest take care of the stall."

"But what if her water broke?"

"My father-in-law is at home too, taking care of her."

"I see. Hopefully both the mom and the baby will be fine." He smiled, and Touka noticed how his eye was almost closed while smiling.

"Yes. Please visit us again after the child is born."

"I will. You serve the best food after all."

"Thank you for your compliment, Your Majesty. Then, please excuse me to prepare your stews."

"Take your time, Amon." With that, Amon left and Kaneki turned his gaze to his wife, explaining to her about the stall owner.

"I've known them ever since they started their business. I offered them to work at the castle but they kindly declined, saying they preferred the lifestyle here. It took them four years to have their first child though."

"I see... child, huh?" She stared at her lap, wondering when they will take their relationship further. It had been almost two months since their marriage and the most intimate act they ever did was... hugging. Or forehead kisses. Kaneki was always very careful with her. As if he was afraid to proceed further. She could see it earlier that evening, of how his eye was staring at her lips, she even closed her eyes, welcoming him. But he did not kiss her. He just rested their foreheads together. She hated to admit it, but she was slightly upset with his action.

During this market tour, she realised that the people of Re really love Kaneki. He kept getting free food and item, but Touka could see through him. Despite his act of being a caring king, he was lonely. He never smiled genuinely, though he was good at hiding it. She knew how his real smile looked like, as she would always steal a glance at him whenever he was reading a book during her study session. She saw how he smiled back then. It was real.

She decided to be his source of strength, to be there for him whenever he needed her. To accept and love all of him. He needed to know, he was not alone. She would be there for him. Always.

* * *

They walked until the end of the market, near to a secluded area to have their own privacy. Sunset had long gone by then. The stars couldn't be seen as they were obscured by the clouds. The moon was also barely visible, but the lamp posts were bright enough to make them able to see their surroundings.

"Do you see now? I don't want these people to be scared of me, or you." He stood in front of her, both of her hands were in his.

"They all truly love you... unlike people in Anteiku. They have fears in their eyes whenever Ayato and I execute assassins in public."

' _Scary._ ' He gulped.

"I understand now, Kaneki. I'll be less harsh from now on. However, if it is a very serious issue, I still think an execution is necessary. But I won't do it in public."

"Good. Thank you, Touka-chan." He patted her head, she blushed at his action.

"Also, I-"

The sudden sound of thunder made them both looked up at the sky. The clouds looked heavy, a sign that it will rain soon.

"We should head back. It's getting late anyway." Kaneki suggested.

"...Yeah."

They walked hand in hand to the entrance of the market to get to their horses, however, the horses were nowhere to be seen.

"Where are our horses?" Touka asked while looking at Kaneki. He was wondering the same thing.

"Hirako."

"Yes, Your Majesty." Hirako appeared out of nowhere. Touka's senses were somewhat dull as the market was full of people. She knew Hirako was following them, but the fact that he showed up right after Kaneki called his name amazed her the most.

"Our horses are missing. Apparently yours as well."

"So it seems."

Kaneki couldn't believe thievery was happening in his kingdom... and he was the victim as well...

"I'm sorry Touka-chan. To think that I took an hour to choose your horse..."

"It's alright. What about you? Your horse was very rare."

"Well, I'll do something about it. But it's getting late. Let's just rest here and return to the castle tomorrow. Are you alright with that?"

She nodded.

Kaneki whistled, then about ten seconds later a big yellow bird with grey wings flew by and landed on his hand.

"Whoa! What's that?" Touka ducked her head, but she stood up straight again afterward, nonetheless her hands were still covering her head.

"Hm? It's Hetare. Our messenger bird. Are you scared of birds?" He smirked, teasing her.

"Well, I used to. But I managed to overcome it for this purpose as well. Except our bird is a lot smaller compared to this one! I thought it was going to attack me just now." Kaneki laughed hearing her statement.

"You're cute, Touka-chan."

"Hah?!" He giggled, then scrambled some words into a paper before rolling it and tied it to the bird's leg.

"I'm informing Tsukiyama and Banjou that we're not coming back tonight."

"O-oh. Okay." She blushed. ' _Darn it what am I blushing for?'_

* * *

There was only one inn in the 1st ward market area, it was mainly for travelers from other wards to come and visit the huge market thus the inn was quite exquisite.

"Your Majesty! It is a great honour to have you and our beautiful queen as our guests. Please kindly stay in our biggest room. We will attend to your needs as best as we could." Greeted the innkeeper.

"It's okay. Just give us a normal room. And probably a spare of clothes? Since we weren't planning to stay the night, we don't have extra clothes..."

"Leave it to us, Your Majesty. My staff will guide you to your room and prepare the clothes as well. Please enjoy your stay." She bowed slightly, with a cunning smile on her face.

* * *

Tsukiyama, Nishiki, Miza, and Naki finally arrived at the castle, riding the stolen horses to their respective stall in the barn.

"Where are our king and queen?" The guard asked.

"They told us to return their horses. They will return to the castle using other means."

"I understand, High Chancellor Tsukiyama." The guard bowed. Tsukiyama winked at Nishiki, and they all shared a knowing gaze.

Truthfully, when Tsukiyama saw his king and queen were walking towards the barn, he knew they were going somewhere. Thus he hurriedly gathered Nishiki, Miza and Naki to carry out his devious plan.

He only wanted his dear king to have an heir. Everyone knew how lonely he was, and by having a child, hopefully it could fix his loneliness. Of course, he wanted the child to save their kingdom's future as well. He could see that his king had slowly changed ever since he spent more time with his wife, but the change was minute. On the other hand, he saw the way his queen looked at her husband, and he recognized that gaze. She was in love with him. Or, he could say, she never stopped loving him, ever since seven years ago. She reminded him of Kanae so much.

The four of them walked to the castle entrance when Hetare suddenly flew over and landed on Tsukiyama's shoulder.

He took the rolled paper and read it.

 **" _Tsukiyama, our horses are missing. Ask the search team to look for them. Especially Queen Touka's horse._**

 ** _Also, ask Banjou to fetch us by cart tomorrow at the 1_ _st_ _ward's inn. We're staying the night as it seems like it will rain soon._**

 ** _-King Kaneki_ "**

"Yes, our plan is working! They're sleeping at the inn tonight." Tsukiyama raised his arms which Miza and Nishiki slapped each of his hand with theirs.

"What plan?" Naki, as usual, was a bit left behind in understanding his friends' devious plan.

"To ensure our king has little princes and princesses. I even bought the sexiest nightdress at the market and gave it to the innkeeper. Hopefully our virgin king gives in to the temptation of his beautiful wife. Ho ho ho ho!" Miza laughed mischievously.

"I hope Hirako brings us good news. He needs to guard our king's room after all... so he should know."

"Poor guy, having to listen to all the sounds coming out from the room." Nishiki smirked.

"Yeah, poor guy."

"Wait what are you guys talking about? Is our king making children right now? Can I see?" Naki pleaded, he looked like a lost puppy begging for a bone.

"NO!" Shouted both Tsukiyama and Nishiki in unison. Miza smacked her own forehead. Poor Naki...


	7. Black Tears

"I'll sleep on the couch." Kaneki offered as soon as they entered their given room.

"What?"

"Is there any problem with that?"

"But we're-" Touka paused, she bit her lower lip. "No, nothing. But you're the king, you should sleep on the bed. I'll take the couch instead." Kaneki chuckled hearing that.

"There's no way I can do that, Touka-chan." He stripped off his shirt and wrapped a towel around his waist before stripping off his pants as well. Touka blushed seeing his body. Hard, taut muscles, there was a big scar on his lower right abdomen. She decided to look away before her eyes lingered any longer.

"I'm going to take a bath first, okay?" She nodded, her eyes were still looking at anywhere but him. Since they weren't planning to stay the night, they did not have any sleeping clothes to wear. So they asked for spare clothes from the innkeeper. Touka snorted when she saw hers. A night dress. It was quite skimpy and enough to reveal a large part of her cleavage, while the length was above her mid thighs. She sighed. Well, it was expected as they were newlyweds after all.

15 minutes later Kaneki went out of the bathroom, he wore a loose silk shirt and a braies. Touka then went in, had a nice bath and changed into the night dress that was given to her.

When she returned from her bath, Kaneki was lying on the couch, reading a book.

"Do you always bring a book everywhere you go?" Her question made him looked up and the seconds he did, his breath hitched in his throat.

In front of him stood his wife, wearing a skimpy purple night dress that would make every guy on earth had a nosebleed. His mind registered that the dress revealed her breasts more than their wedding outfits. And just like on that day, he was having a hard time averting his gaze away.

"Pervert." Was all she said while drying her hair off with the towel.

"What are you wearing, Touka-chan?"

"The innkeeper gave me this. Maybe because we're considered as newlyweds? It's almost two months though…"

"I'll ask for decent clothes for you." He started to stand up and walked but Touka caught his arm, preventing him.

"It's okay, I don't mind."

"But-"

"I'm your _wife_ , Kaneki. It's okay. Unless, you don't want me wearing this in front of you." She stared at the floor. Her face was a mixture of blushing and hurt but it was more towards the latter.

"I-uh- I…" He couldn't answer, his whole face was blushing madly.

"Goodnight, Kaneki." She left him flabbergasted and went to the bed, disappointed with her husband's indecisiveness. _'Ugh, why do I feel rejected?'_

Kaneki just lay on the couch, he wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to sound like a pervert, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings as well. Too tired of thinking, he fell asleep soon after.

An hour had passed, but Touka was still awake. She couldn't sleep. She turned her head to see Kaneki sleeping peacefully on the couch. He had always looked like he was deep in thought when he was awake, but when he slept, his face was bare. As if a free child without any problem.

Seven years ago, she was in love with him. He was kind, and gentle, and always did his best to help everyone in need. Including her father when he wanted to battle against other kingdoms. Including Hinami whenever she had a problem reading a storybook. Including her whenever she wanted to practice sparring.

When he gave her a rabbit hair stick as her birthday present, she was so happy. She thought, maybe her feelings were mutual. She was wrong. He was so kind that he even gave Ayato a birthday present too. And every time there was a ball hosted by another kingdom, he would always, always, and always, danced with Rize.

Princess Rize is beautiful, intelligent, and she shared the same interest as Kaneki. Reading. She envied the princess. She wanted to read too but she gave up on the first page. Whenever there was a lesson, the instructor would read the book for her because she just hated reading.

So in the end she gave up trying to catch his attention. He was head over heels for Rize. And she was head over heels for him. When her father died because of him, it left her devastated. He apologised, but she couldn't accept it. She may love him but her father was her life.

When he proposed, that night, she was so happy that she cried. She cried because it was like a dream come true, having your seven years of crush proposed to you, but she also cried because she knew he didn't love her.

She turned to look at his figure again, feeling sorry that he had to sleep on the couch. She still cared for him after all. Whether she still loved him or not, she wasn't sure. But she could confirm one thing- she was falling for him again.

She slowly left the bed and walked towards the couch. Carefully, she plopped herself on it, with her back facing him. Kaneki's eyes opened at the intrusion of his personal space, but all he saw was Touka's hair. And she smelled nice. Feeling a little daring as she was the one who snuck up to him, he wrapped his right arm around her body, pulling her closer then rested his hand on hers. Touka smiled at his action. Finally, she was able to fall asleep.

* * *

Kaneki had his left elbow propped up, while his right hand was playing with his wife's light blue hair. Her breathing was constant, and her lush lips parted a bit. His gaze went lower to her exposed neck, so enticing, so inviting. But it wasn't as tempting as seeing her cleavage. He spotted a mole on her right breast, and he gulped.

Based on the tradition that had been established since 300 years ago, every prince of Re had to lose virginity by the age of 17 to an infertile woman to avoid having an illegitimate child. Afterwards, they were able to bed any infertile women they want in order to relieve any distractions. Kaneki, however, decided not to follow the tradition. For him, intercourse without feelings was meaningless. He was determined to lose his virginity to the love of his life.

Here he was, on the couch, with his beautiful wife sleeping beside him, wearing the skimpy nightdress that had ridden up a bit, exposing her flat stomach and white panties. She was practically half naked. He could feel some warmth crawling up his skin, and a certain part of his body was growing harder. His gaze averted up to her breast, then her face, and finally to her lips again.

' _She's so beautiful... I don't love her but she's my wife... so it's fine, right?_ '

Slowly, he leaned in closer, and closer, and closer, until his lips almost touched hers.

Then he stopped. He couldn't continue. He was frustrated with himself for taking advantage of his wife while she was sleeping. Sighing heavily, he headed to the bathroom and had a long bath afterwards.

* * *

"Hope you enjoyed your stay, Your Majesty. My daughter has a gift for you, if you don't mind." The innkeeper nudged the little girl beside her, and she stepped forward to hand her king a piece of paper.

Kaneki inspected the paper and saw a sketch of him and Touka hand in hand in the market. It wasn't as detailed as professional art as the little girl was merely around eight years old, in fact- it was very simple and childish-like, but Kaneki could feel the adoration she poured in her drawing.

"Thank you, little girl. I'll keep this. What's your name?" He patted her head.

"I'm Saiko. Thank you too for accepting my drawing!" She grinned and bowed slightly before saying goodbye to her king and queen.

* * *

"This drawing is lovely. You won the hearts of your people. I wish Ayato could learn from you." Said Touka when they were inside the carriage.

"Well, not all kingdoms have the same situation. Ayato had it rough, having to take the throne at 15 years of age."

"What are you talking about, Kaneki? You became the king at 12. You had it worse. I heard the rumour. You gouged your eye when your mother died... or something like that."

Awful memories suddenly flooded through him. Memories of how his eye became damaged. How his mother died. How hard it was for Banjou and Tsukiyama to pull him back to reality. To make sure he knew that no one would abuse him again.

Touka noticed his trembling form, so she placed her hand on his, trying to calm him down.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said that."

Kaneki looked at her hand, then proceeded to intertwine their hands together. He stopped shaking after a while.

"It's alright. Thank you, Touka-chan."

She gave him a reassuring smile before resting her head on his shoulder. Relieved that he wasn't trembling anymore. However, she became more curious about his past. He was hiding a lot of things from her, she could feel it, but she decided not to urge him.

Shortly after, he rested his head on hers as well. Sleep overcame them and they stayed like that throughout the whole journey, hand intertwined with each other.

* * *

Once arrived at the castle, Kaneki was surprised to see his, Touka's and Hirako's horses were back in the barn.

' _The search team was very fast this time._ ' Was all he thought of, not knowing the truth behind his High Chancellor's plan.

* * *

Three days had passed and just because they slept together during their stay at the inn, it didn't change anything. Back in the castle, they still slept in a different chamber. Tsukiyama was so disappointed. He thought his plan of 'stealing' their horses and asked the innkeeper to give a sexy night dress to his queen would work. Too bad when he asked Hirako the next day, the royal bodyguard responded with a negative answer. He decided to confront his king.

"I'm glad that you two are getting along now. But you're still not sleeping together, right? It has been two months."

"Tsukiyama please."

"What's holding you back?" Kaneki sighed heavily.

"I don't want to treat her like a tool. I want to consummate our marriage when we are both ready and in love with each other. I don't want to force her if she's not ready."

"She's ready, Kaneki. I can see that."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I could see it by the way she looks at you. Kanae used to look at me the same way. She's in love with you."

"Well, maybe she is. But I'm not."

The High Chancellor smacked his forehead. "Are you not straight?"

"What?" Kaneki sounded slightly irritated.

"As far as I know, you are straight. You rejected my confession, so you're not into the same gender romance."

"What are you trying to say, Tsukiyama?"

"Her Majesty is one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my whole life. I may be not straight but even _I_ think she's beautiful. And she's ready for you. What else are you waiting for? Our kingdom needs a prince."

"Yes, she is beautiful. I can't deny that. But the feelings I have for her is... merely infatuation. It's not love. I like her because she's beautiful. It's not real, Tsukiyama. I want to fall in love with her for who she is, not because of her appearance."

Tsukiyama sighed heavily and took a deep breath. What he was planning to say may cause his death but he didn't care anymore.

"I apologise for saying this, you may execute me to a death sentence afterwards, but I really need to say it. You're an idiot. You're dying, but you want to have children once you have fallen in love with her. But you _are_ falling for her, you just can't see it. You're running out of time, My King. Please save your kingdom while you can." With that, he left his king alone in his study chamber.

Kaneki couldn't concentrate on signing approvals that evening as Tsukiyama's words kept on ringing in his head over and over again.

* * *

"The fertilisers from Washuu kingdom only made the crops worse, your Majesty. Almost half of them have withered." Fuka reported.

' _Damn it Tsuneyoshi... I shouldn't have trusted you._ ' Kaneki cursed inwardly.

"Prepare a journey to Sunlit Garden Kingdom. Naki, Nishiki and Fuka, you guys are coming with me. We're leaving early morning tomorrow."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"What about me?" He turned his gaze to his left where Touka was seating. She seemed upset because her name wasn't mentioned.

He smiled gently at her.

"You need to stay. Rule the kingdom on my behalf when I'm gone."

"You trust me?"

"Tsukiyama is here to guide you. I believe you will do your best, Touka-chan." He squeezed her hand, and she nodded.

"Alright, I will."

"Ihei Shio, please step ahead."

A young boy stepped ahead and bowed towards his king and queen. His hair was white just like his king, but he wasn't that tall. He was wearing a white leather tunic, with a sheathed sword hanging by his hips.

"I appoint you to be Queen Touka's royal bodyguard from today onwards. Protect her at all costs. Even if it means sacrificing your life."

"Thank you, Your Majesty. I will protect Queen Touka, even at the cost of my life."

"Good. I'm counting on you, Shio."

* * *

"He's... very young." Said Touka as everyone left the meeting chamber, leaving them alone.

"He may be young, but he's the best swordsman in Squad 0."

"If he dies I will feel extremely guilty, Kaneki. He's just a kid."

"Touka-chan." He lifted her chin so that she could look at him straight in the eyes. "Do you not trust me?"

"I trust you... but-"

"No more argument. The King's order is absolute."

"But I'm the Queen-"

"Read the rules again, _my_ _queen_. Once the King has given his order, no one can protest him. Not even his queen."

She grumped but he ignored it, then he grabbed her hand instead.

"Well, you can abolish the rules once I died." He stared at her hand, his thumb drawing circles on her palm. Gloom was all over his face.

"Why do you always talk as if you're dying soon?" Her eyebrows furrowed but she wasn't angry, she was deeply concerned with him.

"I'm the King, Touka-chan. It's inevitable for me to die soon because anything can happen. I told you this earlier, and you said you're accepting me despite that."

"Well, I changed my mind... I don't want you to die." She confessed. "Don't help other kingdoms in the battlefield. Just send shitty Nishiki for that. Don't go to Sunlit Garden Kingdom. Send Naki for our crops matter. Don't go anywhere. Stay. We need you." ' _I need you._ ' She was well aware how selfish she sounded, but she had enough of her loved ones dying. She would try her best to ensure that Kaneki and Ayato live a long life.

"I can't do that, Touka-chan."

"You can. Stop trying to do everything by yourself. Please rely more on others. We all care for this kingdom. We want to help you. We are your pieces."

"Pieces?"

"Chess pieces. You're the King. I'm the Queen. Naki and Hinami are the Bishops. Miza and shitty Nishiki are the Knights. Tsukiyama and Hirako are the Rooks. When all the pieces are attacking, does the King move? No. He stayed behind with his Rook. All other pieces are ready to be sacrificed for the sake of their King. It's the same for Re. When we visited the market that day, I can see it in their eyes. Your people, which are your Pawns, will do anything for you, Kaneki." He sighed quietly.

"This is why I told you our kingdoms are different, Touka-chan. What's the point of being the leader if I don't do anything? I need to protect them, which is why I'm not planning to stay behind. I'm ready to die for them."

His last sentence made her gasped. She looked away from him.

"All this while I wanted Ayato to learn more from you. But right now, I'm not sure about that anymore. My father died protecting _you_. So I never approved Ayato going into the battlefield. My mother was assassinated. So I hired dozens of bodyguards to keep him safe. I don't want my only brother to die young. And I don't want my husband to die young too. The world has taken a lot from me. Is it wrong to hold on to what I currently have?"

She was trembling, and tears were threatening to fall out of her mesmerising eyes.

With a sigh, he wrapped his arms around her and pushed her head lightly onto his chest, hoping to calm her down.

' _She has suffered so much... and I'm dying soon... Tsukiyama was right. This kingdom needs an heir, else even this kingdom will be taken from her._ '

He pulled away to stare into her eyes. They were puffy because of the tears, but she still looked beautiful nonetheless. He gently wiped the tears using both of his thumbs. Her hands reached up to his wrists as she looked at him longingly.

His gaze averted to her red lips, he gulped before leaning in closer. His lips almost reached hers when she suddenly stopped him.

"Your eye... are those black tears?" She seemed shocked at seeing black tears falling from behind his eyepatch.

"Shit!" He wiped the tears away. "I'm sorry. I need to go."

"Kaneki, wait-" He stormed out of the meeting chamber, leaving his wife stupefied.


	8. Repressed Memories

"Kaneki! Open the door! Kaneki!" The guards who were stationed to stand outside the king's chamber were just staring at their queen, unsure of what to do. When their king returned to his chamber, he ordered the guards to send his wife away if she were to come. But the sound of her pleading voice made their hearts ached.

Being the chamber guards, they were well aware of the relationship progression between their king and their queen. Furthermore, High Chancellor Tsukiyama visited them every single morning asking whether did their queen spend her night there, or did their king spend his night somewhere else. There was always a disappointed look on his face when they reported the status to him.

After knocking the door for about 10 minutes, Touka felt her hand becoming numb, but she didn't give up. Finally the door was opened, revealing a very gloomy Kaneki. He didn't even look at her, his eye seemed lifeless and dull, as if it was void of light and his hair was a mess. He was still wearing the black eyepatch on his left eye, but his black tears were wiped clean.

Touka immediately stepped in and closed the door, wanting to have privacy from the guards.

"What was that behind your eyepatch?"

"...Have a seat."

She reluctantly sat down on the wooden chair in the middle of the chamber then asked the same question again.

"What was that, Kaneki?"

"They're... black tears."

"Why do you have black tears?"

"It's a long story, Touka-chan."

"I'm all ears."

"I have to go to Sunlit Garden Kingdom tomorrow morning."

"Don't give me that excuse. You can sleep in the carriage." She insisted.

"I'm going by horse."

"Then use the carriage!" She yelled. Her stubbornness as a former princess was showing through.

"Listen. I really want to tell you, but now's not the right time."

"Why? When's the right time then?"

"...I don't know." She closed her eyes, feeling defeated by her husband's answer.

"What's the use of being your wife if I can't share your pain with you?" She sounded so bitter, she lowered her head, covering her face with her hands.

"Touka-chan..." He paused, his teeth gritted hard, uncertain if he should tell her. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"...Alright then."

She perked up, partially disbelief that he decided to tell her. She immediately sat up straight, waiting for him to begin the story.

"The rumours were wrong. I didn't gouge my eye."

He stared at the table in front of him, his eye still seemed lifeless.

"I got... injured. The injury damaged my eye. I can't see through my left eye anymore."

He closed both of his eyes, trying to forget the repressed memories that kept on haunting him every time he thought of that one night. He started to tremble a bit, unconsciously cracking his knuckles.

Realising this, Touka took his hand in hers, giving him a light squeeze while smiling warmly at him.

 _It's alright. Please continue._ Her expression said it all.

"About a year and a half ago, black tears started to fall out of this eye. Even Dr. Shiba doesn't know what's causing it. I usually don't wear the eyepatch when I'm in the castle as everyone here knows how my eye looks like, but recently it's swollen very badly. It's... hideous. I don't want you to see it. So I wear my eyepatch to hide it from you. I'm sorry." He lowered his head, staring at her small hands that enveloped his.

She was itching to ask, _"is that all?"_ but decided not to. He was willing to share this with her, and that was enough for now.

"Kaneki. You don't have to hide your eye from me."

"It's hideous, Touka-chan."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable having to wear an eyepatch all the time."

"I feel more uncomfortable exposing my eye to you." He admitted, his voice was low but harsh in her ears.

She gasped. She thought that being a married couple means sharing everything, including vulnerabilities and insecurities. Hearing those painful words came out of his lips clutched her heart in an icy grip.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's alright. I'm glad you shared this with me." She gave him a gentle smile, his expression was full of guilt but he managed to return her smile softly.

* * *

They had their dinner together in his chamber that night, but for some reasons, Touka kept on striking simple conversations with her husband, not wanting to go back to her own chamber.

"It's late. You should be heading back." She pouted her lips hearing that.

"How long will you be leaving?"

"Around 10 days or so. Sunlit Garden Kingdom is pretty far from here. Come on, I'll walk you back." He took her hand and started to walk but she didn't move, her feet were still glued to the floor. Her other hand fiddled with her velvet dress.

"Can I- can I sleep here tonight?" She stared at the marble floor, light shades of pink were visible on her cheeks, but she was determined to spend the night with her husband before he went away for several days.

Kaneki blinked, thrice. Not long after he started to blush too.

"Why?"

"Why not? We're husband and wife after all. There's nothing wrong with that." She sulked, looking away from him to hide her embarrassment.

"Uh- alright then. But I'm going to the study chamber, I have some documents I need to approve before leaving."

"I'll wait for you."

"...Okay."

She lay on his bed, taking in the scent of his pillow. It smelled just like him, vanilla with a mixed of book's pages and scrolls. She sighed into the pillow, thinking about her marriage.

Kaneki was a kind husband. Too kind, she may say. But he was hiding way too many things from her. And seeing his black tears earlier made her worried. He was wearing an eyepatch ever since she first met him eight years ago. He had always hidden that mystery eye from the world. She wanted to see it so badly. She wanted to gain his trust, and ease his insecurity too.

Suddenly her thoughts drifted to her parents. They had an arranged marriage as well. But her father mentioned that it was a first sight love for him, so he went through a lot to make his wife fall for him. In the end, she did fall for him, albeit slowly.

 _'Father... am I doing a good job?'_

* * *

When Kaneki finished signing approvals and returned to his chamber, it was already past midnight.

His wife was sleeping peacefully on his bed, hugging his pillow. She had discarded her silk velvet dress, leaving her with only sleeveless linen chemise as her sleeping attire.

 _'Are you trying to entice me again?'_ He sighed, drinking in the sight of her body. Not only her face was beautiful, but her curves too were alluring. His gaze drifted to her wide hips, then to the long creamy-smooth bare legs of hers. A warm blanket covered her skin from her shin downwards.

Carefully, he lifted the blanket up to cover her body. His hand accidentally brushed her bare shoulder while doing so. She was... soft. He couldn't stop his hand from trailing up her neck, jaw, then his thumb rested on her lower lip. He hesitated, but proceeded to run his thumb lightly along her lower and upper lips. Her lips felt full, soft and soothing against his thumb.

 _'What am I doing?'_ He groaned. There was no couch in his chamber, so no matter what he must sleep on his bed. He scratched his head before lying down as far as possible from her. However, the lack of pillow made him uncomfortable. His wife was hugging his pillow, he didn't think he could take it away from her without waking her up.

But he felt at ease looking at her sleeping figure, she looked so peaceful. He felt guilty for hiding his dying condition from her. He wanted to tell her badly, but he was afraid. He didn't want her to leave him. Maybe he was slowly falling for her just like Tsukiyama had mentioned, but he wasn't sure. Lately, he wanted to spend more time with her. To see her smile, to hold her hand and to get to know her better. He wanted her to stay by his side, rule the kingdom with him and be there for him when he was at both his best and his worst moments.

Sighing quietly, he scooted closer to her, retrieving his own pillow in the process. His hand reached out to caress her right cheek then he leaned in to plant a kiss on her forehead.

"Good night, beautiful." He covered the blanket over his body as well. He placed his arm around her waist, and he fell asleep listening to her soft, constant breathing that sounded like a sweet melody to his ears.

* * *

" _Mother, can I- have a horse toy?"_

" _What did you say?" She turned to look at him with a cold glare on her face. She cracked her knuckles. He flinched._

" _I saw Hide has it. I want it too..."_

" _Why can't you keep your eyes to yourself, Ken?! Do you think I have time for you? I don't!"_

 _She pushed him down onto the marble floor, raised her hand and hit him._

" _Mother, I'm sorry!"_

 _But she ignored him. He pleaded for forgiveness over and over again. But she kept on hitting him._

" _I won't look at other kids' toys anymore. I'm sorry, mother!"_

" _This is the third time you asked this year! How about I seal your eye for good, huh?"_

" _What? Mother, no!" His body shivered hearing her words. He knew his mother very well. She never joked around. Never._

 _She took the nearby quill pen on her desk, smiling sinisterly before stabbing it repeatedly into his left eye. He was desperately trying to close his eye but his mother forced it open using her seemingly cold fingers._

" _Mother, it hurts! Stop it! Mother, I won't ask for anything anymore! I'm sorry! It hurts!"_

"Kaneki! Kaneki! Ken!" He opened his eyes and saw his wife's concern face staring at him.

"Are you alright? You were tossing around and screaming. Did you have a nightmare?"

Kaneki panted heavily, his heart was beating very fast like crazy, and he was sweating a lot. His horrible nightmare suddenly flashed through his mind and he quickly embraced her as tight as he could. She felt as if his hard bones were crushing hers, but she bore with him. He was crying, loud, his crystal clear and black tears were staining her chemise, but she didn't care.

"Shh... I'm here..." She rubbed her hands up and down his back, occasionally kissing the top of his head, doing her best to calm him. Nevertheless, he was still shaking furiously in her arms. Whatever nightmare that he had, it was definitely one of the worst ever.

"I'm sorry... Don't hurt me..." He buried his head deeper into her chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I won't hurt you, _Ken_." She was hoping that by calling him 'Ken', she could ease his distress form. She knew she was wrong when she felt him stiffened. He pulled away and looked up, "w-what did you- call me?"

" _Ken._ " She whispered. He flinched. Only his mother called him Ken. His _mother._ His _nightmare._

"No. No no no! Don't hurt me, mother! I'm sorry!" He thrashed around, then scooted back to the corner of the bed, hugging his knees. It hurt Touka to see him like this. She had never seen this side of him before, but she was determined to soothe him as best as she could.

She crawled towards him slowly, reaching forward to caress his cheek. He recoiled at the contact.

"Kaneki. Look at me, Kaneki." She gripped his wrists, strong enough to force him to look at her in the eyes.

"I won't hurt you."

He shook his head aggressively.

"I'm your wife, Kaneki. I won't hurt you." Slowly but strongly, she pulled his head onto her chest and held him tight. Her hand rubbing up and down his back in a slow motion, hoping to calm him down.

He seemed to come to his senses after a while, he looked up and saw his wife smiling tenderly at him.

"T-Touka-chan?"

"I'm here." She spoke gently, as if he was a fragile being.

"Don't leave me..." He pleaded.

"I won't." She said without hesitation. She was determined to stay, to spend the rest of her life with him.

He fell backward onto the pillow, pulling her together on top of him. Touka shifted a bit and rested her head on his shoulder. Kaneki in response just wrapped his arms tighter around her waist, never wanting to let go.

* * *

When Touka woke up the next morning, her husband was no longer in bed. She spotted a note on the desk written, _**"I'm sorry for the stains. I'm fine now. Thanks for being here last night. I owe you one."**_ She saw the stains on her chemise, the black tears had dried off and seemed to leave a smudge on her white fabric.

 _'You don't owe me anything, idiot.'_

* * *

"My Queen, since the crops are not producing much, the farmers do not have enough money to get their basic necessities." Tago reported.

"Where do these farmers reside at?"

"Ward 20, My Queen."

' _That's quite near from here compared to the 1_ _st_ _ward..._ '

"What if we provide them free food? What do you think, Tsukiyama?"

"We certainly can, but it can't be for a long period. Our castle's resources will deplete early and need to be restocked more frequently if we do that."

"True. We can only provide food for a short period of time. Long-term wise, the crops need to be treated. Let's hope the fertilisers from Sunlit Garden Kingdom work. Banjou, ask our chefs to prepare lunch for these farmers. Make the meal simple, there's no need to provide fancy food. Half of the crops are still fine, they still have some money after all."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"The meeting today is dismissed. Banjou, Tsukiyama, please stay for a while." Banjou and Tsukiyama shared a puzzled look towards each other before responding to their queen.

"Tsukiyama."

"Yes, My Queen?"

"How long have you known Kaneki?"

"Shortly after he became the king. It has been 12 years now. The previous High Chancellor resigned after Queen Sayaka's death, and I was appointed."

Tsukiyama was in a good mood the whole day. He found out that his king and queen have been sleeping together the night before. Even though the guards reported that they didn't consummate their relationship, he was still happy because they shared the same chamber. The progression was slow, nonetheless it was building up.

"How about you, Banjou?"

"I've known him ever since he was born. My father was King Keiji's personal butler."

"I see. Tell me more about Queen Sayaka." Banjou felt a bit uncomfortable with his queen's question. Why ask about the previous queen, all of a sudden?

"She was a kind queen. She put her people before her, which caused her to be overworked sometimes. She was very stressful ever since King Keiji died on the battlefield with V Kingdom. She has to rule Re alone when King Kaneki was just six months old."

"Did she love Kaneki?" He was taken aback by her question, but he pretended to stay calm.

"Every mother loves her children."

"You didn't answer my question. Did she love Kaneki?"

"I believe she loves Kaneki." Touka furrowed her eyebrows hearing his answer.

"How did she die?"

Banjou gulped. It was a secret known only to him and Kaneki. Or, to be précised, only his king knew how it happened. When he arrived at the scene, the queen was already dead, and Kaneki was hugging his knees. He cried, his left eye was bleeding but beneath those cries there was a guilty smile on his face.

"She was overworked." He lied. 'Overworked' was the fake news that spread throughout the kingdom.

Touka observed his expression, as if trying to see the truth behind his words. She didn't believe him, at least not completely, but she let it go for now.

"Another question. How did Kaneki's eye get injured?"

"It was... an accident. I wasn't there when it happened, so I can't give you any details about it. My apologies, Your Majesty."

 _'They're useless.'_ She frowned. _'I need to find out from Kaneki himself then.'_

* * *

Touka was spending her leisure time with her rabbits when she noticed Shio was watching her from afar.

"Shio!" She called. He had no other choice but to move nearer to her for easier communication between them.

"Yes, my queen?"

"Come. Play with us." She held Maka- one of her rabbits- in her hands and made a wave gesture using its front leg.

"But I was told not to-"

"Are you disobeying the queen's order?" She stared at the boy, and he gulped.

Slowly, he stepped into the cage and sat in front of his queen. She could tell that he was nervous just by his expression and body posture.

"Kaneki and Hirako are not here, don't worry. Here, hold her." She shoved Maka onto his lap and he carefully held it, not long after he played with its ear. He had a joyful smile on his face, no longer looking nervous. Touka smiled contently looking at him. From the close distance, he looked even younger.

"How old are you, Shio?"

"I'm 14, will turn 15 next month."

"You're very young. Why are you a bodyguard?"

"Well, I'm an orphan who came from Sunlit Garden Kingdom but Hirako-san noticed that my friends and I have some potential, so he adopted us to become a strong bodyguard one day. We are called Squad 0."

"But you're still a kid, what is Kaneki thinking?" She sighed, it wasn't a question to Shio, but more like a question to Kaneki.

"Actually, I volunteered."

"Huh...?"

"Many years ago, Hirako-san would sometimes bring me along to Anteiku kingdom. I saw you and our king sparring, and you were very strong. I have been admiring you ever since."

"I wasn't that strong, Shio-kun. I always lose to Kaneki, remember?"

"Really? I can't really remember." He tilted his head, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration trying to recall the old memories but failing.

"Yes, really. Are you disappointed now?"

"No. I still adore you. You're beautiful. Our king is so lucky to have you in his life."

"Well, I'm lucky to have you as my bodyguard." She pinched his cheek playfully, and he blushed. He never expected to be having this kind of interaction with his queen, the one that he had been admiring for six years.

* * *

That night, Touka woke up to the sound of swords clashing outside her chamber. After reaching the dagger she kept underneath her pillow, she immediately went to the corner side to pick up a sword before opening the door slowly, quietly.

Through her eyes, she saw Shio was having a battle with a figure clad in black.


	9. Touka

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* * *

"Shio!"

"Your Majesty!"

Realising the target showed herself, the assassin charged straight at her, aiming his sword at her heart. Touka dodged the vital point just in the nick of time but the sword pierced her left shoulder instead, pinning her to the wall. She groaned at the pain, the sword she held earlier for self-defence fell onto the stony ground, making a loud clanking sound.

Through the corner of her eyes, she could see Shio was sneakily heading towards them. So she gripped the sword blade using her right hand, preventing the assassin from pulling it out. Blood was dripping from her hand but she couldn't care less about it, not when their lives were at stake.

The assassin seemed to notice their schemes, so he quickly turned around. Shio was intending to pierce his heart but his aim went to his right chest instead. Nonetheless, the assassin choked, Touka kicked the back of his knee so that he was tumbling forward, then Shio was quick to seize him.

* * *

Touka was asked to rest for several weeks, much to her disappointment. On that night, the patrolling guards were quick to inform Hinami and Miza about the assassin's presence. They arrived a bit late but they aided Shio in imprisoning the assassin and summoned Dr. Shiba to treat their queen.

Tsukiyama relayed the incident to Kaneki using Hetare, the messenger bird, and Touka just smiled softly reading his reply.

" _ **Dear Touka-chan,**_

 _ **Are you alright? It must have been a terrifying experience. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you. Because of me, you- I'm very sorry. I'm glad you're alive. Please rest well. Just leave Re matters to Tsukiyama.**_

 _ **I'll be back as soon as we have obtained the new fertilisers. Sunlit Garden is very busy at the moment due to the upcoming wedding of Princess Hairu and Prince Koori in these few days. They said it's an arranged marriage, but when I look at their faces, it seems like they truly love each other. I... I really wish we could be like that someday.**_

 _ **Take care, Touka-chan.**_

 _ **-Kaneki"**_

* * *

"Onee-chan, how are you feeling?" Hinami asked as she entered her queen's chamber. Despite being the main spy of Re, Hinami was still the daughter of Anteiku's royal doctors, and the childhood friend of both Touka and Ayato. Touka insisted that the name addressing should be 'onee-chan' like she used to call her when they were young.

"Bored, Hinami. I've been resting for several days. My body feels stiff." She tried to sit up using her elbow to lift herself but it wasn't an easy task for her yet. Hinami saw this and she immediately assisted her queen.

"You're not fully healed yet."

"But I'm bored. I want to join the meeting."

"Tsukiyama-san is doing a great job. Don't worry."

"Yes he is, but I want to prove Kaneki that I can rule up to his standards too."

Hinami bit her lower lip hearing her words. _'Once His Majesty dies, you will have plenty of time ruling this kingdom.'_ She shook her head at the depressing thoughts and decided to inform the new information she had gathered.

"Onee-chan, we have identified the assassin's identity." Touka's eyes lit up at her statement, no longer looking bored.

"He is the brother of one of the illegal opium dealers that Ayato-kun and you executed in public last year. Apparently, he had intense swordsmanship training in order to get his revenge. He wanted to assassinate Ayato-kun but his bodyguards were too many. So he arrived in Re last week, waiting for the moment when His Majesty is not around to attack you."

"I see. Well, drug trafficking is a serious issue. I believe what we did was right."

"But, I'm scared. If it wasn't for Shio-kun, who knows what could have happened to you? I don't think I can face Ayato-kun..."

Touka just smiled gently at the young spy. She decided to finally ask her the question she had been wanting to ask years ago.

"Hinami, what do you think about being a queen? Would you like the role?" Hinami's eyes widened as she was too shocked by the unexpected question.

"W-what are you saying, onee-chan? His Majesty loves you, not me!"

"...Huh? I'm not talking about Kaneki. And no- he doesn't love me, Hinami."

"O-oh." She blushed heavily at her misunderstanding. "But he does love you!"

"He doesn't."

"Yes, he does. You may not know it, but he always asked me what kind of things that you like, would you be happy if he does this and that. He also requested me to work with Ayato-kun to relocate your pets."

"He just wanted to make this marriage works, Hinami. He doesn't feel that way about me." Touka lowered her gaze, her indigo eyes filled with sadness.

Hinami sighed lightly. Her queen could be right, since her king was a kind-hearted guy that seemed like he would do anything to please someone, even by sacrificing his own happiness. Deep down she really hoped she was right, and her queen was wrong.

After a long silence between them, Touka decided to ask the question again in more specific words.

"Hinami, will you be the queen of Anteiku?" She gasped, then blushed once again.

"Onee-chan! What are you talking about? I'm just a lowly spy, and I think Ayato-kun has the rights to choose his own queen..."

"Trust me, I'm her sister. I know who he's in love with." She smirked. "And you're not a lowly spy. You're the daughter of our royal doctors. But if you think the responsibilities are too heavy, then you may decline. Just- think about it."

"Alright, onee-chan. I'll think about it."

Touka realised that she was no different from her father. Her father asked Kaneki to marry her, and she was asking Hinami to marry her brother. But she could finally understand her father's request, he just wanted her to be happy. And she wanted her brother to be happy too. Even by being selfish.

* * *

By the sixteenth night after Kaneki left to Sunlit Garden Kingdom, he was finally back in Re, panting heavily as he dashed like crazy from the horse stable to his wife's chamber.

"Touka-chan!" He shouted as he opened the door and strode as fast as he could towards her. He sat on the edge of the bed, taking a couple of minutes to catch his breath. Touka took her time staring at her husband. He was panting, dark circle under his eye, and she could see the sweats on his face and black leather tunic despite the cold night. _'Did he run all the way here?'_

"Are you alright? How's your shoulder? Sorry that I took so long to come back."

"I'm fine, Kaneki. Nice to see you too."

He saw bandages covering her right hand, he felt betrayed by his High Chancellor.

"Tsukiyama only told me about your shoulder... he didn't mention anything about your hand." He held up her wrist, inspecting the bandage around her hand.

"It's alright. I'm fine now."

"But-"

"Don't worry. It's been two weeks."

"Hirako!"

"You called, My King?" Hirako suddenly appeared at the door, his face was expressionless as usual.

He never ceased to amaze Touka by how fast he responded to his king, even when he was outside the chamber.

"Call the remaining of Squad 0 here."

"Yes, Your Majesty." With that, Hirako left to call on his boys.

Kaneki turned his gaze back to his wife, waves of guilt immediately washed over him.

"This is all my fault. I'm sorry."

"What?"

"Because of me, you-"

"The assassin was from Anteiku." She cut in. He paused- long, trying to process her words into his mind.

"What do you mean?"

"I executed his brother publicly last year for illegal opium trafficking. He was seeking revenge, that's all."

"But he was able to sneak in here, and he found your chamber too-"

"My King." Greeted three boys inside the chamber. Two boys aside from Shio were panting as they did not expect to be called by their king in the middle of the night. One of them had pale lavender hair, cut into a chin-length bob with straight bangs and another one looked a little bit like Kaneki when he was young, but with a wavy hair instead.

"Ihei Shio, Souzu Rikai and Arima Yusa- I order the three of you to be Queen Touka's royal bodyguards."

The three boys widened their eyes hearing their king's statement.

"Kaneki! There's no need for all three of them-"

"Yes, there is! Your safety is the highest priority-"

"No, Kaneki, not mine. _Yours_ is."

"I can protect myself, Touka-chan. But I want to protect you too, you need more bodyguards."

"Kaneki, if I die- you can just marry another princess. I'm alright with that. But if you die, I-", she paused, biting her lip, "I don't want to remarry. I want only you..." She confessed.

He quickly embraced her, wrapping his arms around her body, being careful not to aggravate her injured shoulder. Shio, Rikai and Yusa just stared at the scene in front of them awkwardly, then looked at each other before turning their gaze towards Hirako. Unsure whether they should leave or just remain silent.

"Touka-chan... I don't want another princess either..." Hirako gestured his Squad 0 team to leave the chamber. Once they left, Kaneki kissed the top of her head before pulling away.

"How's your injury? Let me see."

"Um, I can't untie this robe. My right hand is bandaged."

"Oh. May I?" She nodded.

Kaneki gulped. He had never done this before, but he was trying his best not to show his nervousness. Slowly, and carefully, he untied the velvet silk robe his wife was wearing, slipping it off her shoulders, revealing her usual sleeveless chemise as her undershirt.

He inspected her shoulder carefully. The sight of bandages boiled his insides, and she noticed the change in his expression.

"It's healing. Don't worry." Touka reassured her husband, placing her non-injured hand on top of his.

He kissed the exposed rounded edge of her shoulder lightly.

"Once you've gotten better, let's have sparring and sword training sessions like we did years ago. I'll train you."

"Oh, why not Nishiki? Isn't he the main knight of Re?"

"Well, he is. You- want him to train you?" He looked upset, as if he wasn't good enough for her.

"I was just kidding, Kaneki." She pinched his nose. "I miss our sparring sessions. We were almost the same height back then. You're much taller now." She frowned.

"Well, we both changed a lot in six years." He smiled, nostalgic memories engulfed him.

"Now that you mentioned it, I've been wanting to ask this ever since I saw you on our wedding day. Why did you dye your hair white? It's a very unusual colour."

Kaneki widened his eye as he was stunned by her question.

"W-well, uh- why uh- why did you dye yours light blue?" She blinked several times at his deferment, but decided to answer his question anyway.

"I wanted to move on from my father's death. New hairstyle, new life, people said. Does it look weird?"

"Nope." He shook his head, but his gaze was still on her. He seemed mesmerised, and there was a tint of blush appeared on his cheeks.

He reached upwards, gently winding his hand through her hair to curl around her ear to have a better view of her eyes, and also her whole face.

' _Beautiful.'_ He thought, but after staring longer, he started to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"You only do makeup on your left eye. But for your right eye, you didn't put anything on it. It's- so funny!" He still laughed, her face flushed with embarrassment.

"Shut up!" She jabbed his stomach but straight away winced from the injury she had.

Kaneki held her wrist, his expression instantly changed to deep concern. He knew he had just assigned two extra bodyguards for his wife, but somehow he still didn't feel safe. Bad feelings, he called it.

"I'll sleep here from tonight onwards."

"W-what?"

"I know I've just appointed all Squad 0 kids to keep you safe, but I want to do it myself too. I can't sleep well knowing you might be in danger."

Touka smiled, half smirking.

"You don't trust them?"

"I do. I just- I-" she raised both of her eyebrows, urging him to continue, "Those days in Sunlit Garden Kingdom were like hell to me. Not knowing how badly injured you were, and how I wasn't there to protect you. At that time, I thought- I never want to leave your side anymore. I was afraid if you'd die without my knowledge."

"It's alright. You're here now. And I'm fine thanks to Shio."

"But- you could have-"

"Kaneki. I'm here. Alive. That's what matters."

He smiled softly, but the look of worry never left his face.

"Guards!"

"At your service, My King." Two guards who were stationed to guard their queen's chamber opened the door and went inside, kneeling to their king and queen.

"Ask Banjou to bring in my changes for tonight, and tell him to move all my belonging into this chamber tomorrow."

The guards looked at each other briefly and had a wide smile on their faces. _'High Chancellor Tsukiyama will be very happy'_ , they thought.

"Yes, Your Majesty." They closed the door and went to carry on their orders.

* * *

Kaneki went into the bathroom, cleaning himself from all the dirt and sweat he accumulated from his journey. When he lathered the shampoo in his white hair, he suddenly remembered Touka's earlier question. His conversation with Dr. Kanou last year flashed through his mind.

" _You're aging. At a fearsome speed." The middle-aged doctor stated, his eyes seemed worried about the young king. Kaneki, however, wasn't even surprised. He could feel it sometimes._

" _Is there any way to stop the aging?"_

" _I can't promise the rate of success but... if we could perform a surgery by removing the damaged eye then you might be able to live normally. Since the eye is acting like a parasite, slowly destructing other parts of your body. It explains why your hair is turning white too. The sooner you have the surgery, the longer you will live."_

" _How much does the surgery cost?"_

" _It won't be money, Kaneki." King Tsuneyoshi interrupted. "It will be your army. Help me conquer V Kingdom. Then I will allow you to have the surgery."_

* * *

Kaneki changed into a loose white shirt, a towel hanging on his head as he returned from the bathroom. Banjou had transferred his belongings for the night, and he saw Touka was hugging his pillow while staring at him.

"You're still awake?"

"I've been resting for two weeks. I'm so bored." But Kaneki just yawned widely.

"Oh. You should have a rest, Kaneki. You must be tired from the journey."

"Sorry- I guess, yeah- I really am tired." He yawned again.

He took his pillow away from her- much to her disappointment, then tucked the blanket up around her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

"Sweet dreams, my queen."

"You're so cheesy."

He grinned, then walked to the couch located on the other side of the chamber.

"Um- Kaneki, what are you doing?"

"Preparing to sleep." He answered while lying on the couch, positioning the pillow below his head.

"On the couch?"

"Yeah."

She blinked several times, dumbfounded by his response.

"We're _married_ , Kaneki."

"But you're injured." Again, he yawned.

"It has been two weeks. I'm fine now."

"No you're not."

"Fine. Do whatever you want." Kaneki fell asleep a few seconds after that, he was too tired from rushing his journey from Sunlit Garden.

* * *

Touka was so disappointed with her husband. She was determined to wait for him to fall asleep before plopping herself on the couch where he was sleeping on. Luckily for her, she did not have to wait long as loud snores were heard instantly. She giggled. _'He's definitely very tired.'_

As soon as she plopped herself on the couch, Kaneki felt intrusion of his personal space so he immediately pinned the suspicious person beneath him.

"Touka-chan? I thought you were an assassin. Why are you here?"

"What does it look like? Can't I sleep beside my husband? You seemed alright with it before you went to Sunlit Garden. You even hugged me so tightly that I couldn't breathe." She recalled that night, he almost suffocated her, and she could hear his fast heartbeat.

He sat up and let out a sigh. He didn't want to remember that night at all. He hated the nightmare, it kept on haunting him sometimes. "Go back to your bed, Touka."

"Don't want."

"Go."

"This is my chamber. I can sleep wherever I want."

"As the king, I order you to go back to your bed."

"What if I refuse? Are you going to execute me?" She teased.

Kaneki groaned, frustrated with his wife's stubbornness. With one swift motion, he lifted her up bridal style, doing his best to avoid her injured shoulder.

"Hey, put me down!"

When he finally put her down, it was on the bed. But she was quick to wrap her arms around his neck, preventing him to leave. She hissed due to the injury on her shoulder.

"Let me go, Touka. You're hurting yourself."

"As the queen, I order you to stay." Her eyes pleaded with him, he sighed heavily before agreeing.

"...Alright then."

"Don't take your pillow. You might deceive me-"

"I won't deceive you. Don't worry." He assured her, and she finally released her arms.

He took his pillow from the couch then went back to her, slowly lying down, facing her direction. She scooted closer, decreasing the space between them.

She reached for his hand, and he was quick to intertwine their fingers together.

"Good night, Touka-chan." He yawned for the millionth time that night.

"Good night, Kaneki." She smiled. She looked so blissful. _'Beautiful'_ was his thought before sleep overcame him.

Touka fell asleep not long after him. When she woke up, his arm was wrapped protectively around her waist, his head rested in the crook of her neck. There was a content look on his sleeping face.

She caressed his cheek and her fingers were starting to play around with his black eyepatch. But as soon as she had a contact with it, Kaneki grabbed her wrist, stopping her from exploring any further. His eye was wide opened, and he was scowling.

"What are you doing, Touka?"

"I just- want to see it." She sat up, her uninjured hand was still in his grip.

"How many times do I have to tell you that it's hideous? You'll get nightmares from seeing it." His voice sounded harsh yet bitter to her ears.

"I'm sorry. I was just curious. And I- I want to accept all of you."

He gritted his teeth, _'Should I?'_ He wondered, but then decided it wasn't the time yet.

"I'll show you one day. But not today, okay?" She nodded.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Um- you called me Touka just now. Without honorific. Last night too."

"I did?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry."

She shook her head. "No, it's alright. You can call me Touka."

"Okay… Touka." She smiled, shyly.

"Touka... Touka..." He practiced. She was smiling the whole time. Her fluffy bed hair made her look more attractive than ever.

"You're beautiful, Touka."

"Hah?! Where did that come from?" She blushed furiously with embarrassment.

He just laughed and pulled her into his arms as he lay down again. As usual, he planted a kiss on her forehead, but fell asleep again shortly after. Touka looked up, his handsome face looked so peaceful. She inhaled his scent as she closed her eyes, resting her left hand on his chest.

' _When can I call you Ken..?'_


	10. Sparring Session

The next day, Kaneki was very busy signing approvals and working on paperwork as he left his kingdom for more than two weeks. But no matter how busy he was, he still kept the promise he had made with his wife after their reconciliation a month and a half ago.

To have their meal together.

Due to her injury, Touka was not allowed to leave the chamber. So Kaneki went back to their chamber to have their meal together. Usually, the servant would help with her meal due to the bandage on her right hand, but Kaneki ordered the servant to leave them alone.

"Why did you order her to leave? How am I supposed to eat then?"

"I'll feed you."

She snorted.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I'm not. Here. Open your mouth. Aah~" Kaneki raised the meat fork in front of his wife's mouth, patiently waiting for her to eat it. Pink shades started to appear on her cheeks.

' _Are you serious?'_

She opened her mouth anyway, and when the fork entered her mouth, she clamped them down, chewing the meat but her cheeks were still rosy pink due to his kind ministration.

"Why?"

"Because you're injured."

"No. I mean- you can leave it to the servant. You don't have to do this." He raised another meat in front of her.

"It's alright. Besides, I've promised your father to take care of you." Hearing that, Touka's eyes widened in realisation, and she looked away, feeling dejected.

"I see... So you're just fulfilling your promise." She spoke bitterly, with a hint of irony and hurt in her tone. Kaneki sighed, regretting his words.

"I told you, Touka. I _want_ to take care of you. It's not entirely because of the promise with your father."

She still looked away nonetheless, so Kaneki put down the fork he was holding onto the plate before setting it aside and gently turned her head so that she was facing him. But her eyes were still not on him.

"Touka, look at me." Slowly, she looked up. His grey eye was tender and unyielding as he smiled softly at her.

"I care for you, okay? I-" He chuckled when he saw the black pepper sauce smeared at the corner of her lips. "You have something here." He swiped his thumb gently over the area, surprised when he heard small gasp escaped her lips. He didn't pull away, instead, he brushed his thumb over her lower lip, and she closed her eyes, relishing the feeling of his touch.

After a few seconds, he retracted his hand, embarrassed by what he was doing.

"S-sorry. I got carried away."

"I don't mind." She spoke softly, looking elsewhere, the blush reappeared on her cheeks.

Kaneki cleared his throat nervously and continued helping her with the meal until she was full.

* * *

After three weeks of resting and a week of being taken care of by her husband, Touka finally healed and was able to leave the chamber.

The first thing she did was visiting the assassin who caused her three weeks of boredom.

He was a tall man, around Kaneki's age and had a slight build. Touka stood outside of the cell, folding her arms below her chest. He smirked when he saw his queen visiting him. He remained seated on his bed even though by Anteiku rules he was supposed to kneel down and bowed.

"My Queen. Fancy meeting you here." He smirked, his eyes appeared dark with a hint of malice in it.

"I'm sending you back to Anteiku to have you being publicly executed there. Your death will be the mark of don't mess with us royal families, even when we're married and live in another kingdom."

He spat out saliva onto the floor.

"I fucking hate you. Why do you always execute people in public?"

"It's to warn the others not to repeat the crimes. I don't see anything wrong with that. Actually, I've promised my husband to not execute assassins in public anymore, but that only applies to Re. _Unfortunately_ , you're from Anteiku. So the rules in Anteiku are still applied to you." She smugged, her face looked extremely satisfied by the idea of him being publicly executed.

"You have no idea how much I want to kill you and display your naked body on the main gate of Anteiku. You deserve the same humiliation as my brother!"

"What are you trying to accomplish by killing me? Satisfaction?"

"YES! By killing you, I'll be able to avenge his death."

"Your brother won't come back to life, you know?" She suddenly remembered her situation with Kaneki. She had long forgiven him about her father, but she hadn't told him yet.

"I don't care. I just want both you and King Ayato to die. That's what matters."

"How irony, when you are the one who's going to die soon. Also, why naked? Your brother was killed with clothes on his body, he wasn't naked. I still respect him as a human despite what he did."

He smirked while tilting his head to one side.

"My queen... I heard the rumours. Because of your beauty, Prince Rio, Prince Nimura, and several other princes asked for your hand in marriage. But you turned them down. You only want a King, huh? Don't you know? You have a very, _very_ nice body." He licked his lips sensually, while his gaze lingered on her body. The royal velvet dress hugged every curve of hers, only a small part of her breasts were visible but the assassin slipped his hand into his pants anyway, pumping himself.

Touka remained unfazed, it wasn't the first time she had seen something like this. When she was interrogating other prisoners in Anteiku, a few of them did the same thing. She despised them, but Yoshimura stated that it was normal for them to behave like that because they knew they were going to die soon and had nothing to lose. So she bore with them, most of the time.

"Do you have anything else to say?"

He paused his action, staring sharp into her eyes.

"I wish some other assassins will kill King Kaneki soon so that Re is left heirless. Then when another kingdom conquers Re, I hope that you as the previous queen will be executed in public too like my brother and me." He spoke with a very wicked tone in his voice and laughed as maniacally as he could.

Touka left the prison, saying nothing. However, his words kept ringing in her ears over and over again. She may appear strong, but any mention of her husband dying would always cause a deep pain in her heart.

She headed straight to the study chamber, and Kaneki was there, revising some constitutions. He saw her troubled expression and he immediately stopped what he was doing.

"Touka? Are you alright? You visited the assassin earlier, right?" he stood up and walked towards her, wiping the tears from her face with his thumbs.

She said nothing and just hugged him, burying her face into his chest while sobbing quietly.

"Did he say something bad to you? Do you want _me_ to execute him instead of Ayato?" he kissed the top of her head, while his hands were rubbing her back.

She just shook her head and pulled away from him.

"No, it's okay. It's nothing. I'm used to it."

"Really? Are you sure you're alright?" He caressed her cheek, his expression was so tender, she couldn't help but felt touched by his actions. His deep concern for her always made her feel weak, and loved. Even when she knew he didn't love her.

She nodded.

"Are you free after this? I want to visit my babies, with you." She missed her rabbits, for she hadn't played with them for three weeks. But she also wanted to spend her time with her husband, as he was always in his study chamber when she was recovering from her injuries.

"Sure. Anything for you, my queen."

* * *

"Hey, Miza."

"Yesh?" She answered while taking a bite of an apple that they have plucked from the tree in the garden earlier.

"Our king and queen are very happy these days, aren't they? They go on dates, sleep in the same chamber, and now they're being lovey-dovey in front of us. See?" Naki pointed out his finger towards a specific location in front of them.

Miza stared at the scene not far from their usual fish pond spot where she saw her king tucked his wife's hair behind the ear and planted a kiss on her forehead. The wife blushed at the contact and lightly punched her husband's chest, but he reacted by grinning and pulling her into his arms, whispering words that made her buried her face deeper into his chest.

"Gosh, they're so cheesy, I want to puke." She continued chewing her apple a bit roughly, secretly jealous of them, Naki and her were not even that affectionate with each other despite being in a relationship for six months. "But I don't think it's a bad thing." She continued.

"What do you mean?"

"I think, being able to show affection like this is a good thing. At least, we know they're in love with each other. And it's just a matter of time before our queen gets pregnant. Our kingdom will be saved by then."

Naki could see the relief in his girlfriend's eyes. He felt bad for his queen. His king married her just for the sake of saving Re. But he felt relieved too, because he wanted to save the kingdom as well. He loved his king, and his girlfriend, and the kingdom, so he was trying his best to keep them safe.

He stared longer into his girlfriend's eyes who was still looking at the scene in front of them, that was when he saw something else apart of relief.

 _Longing_.

"...Do you want to be like them?"

"...Huh?" She turned to look at him, waiting for him to repeat his question.

He stared at the tall grass around his feet, took a deep breath, then looked up, staring deep into her eyes, his face looking determined.

"Will you marry me?"

She dropped the apple from her hand, too shocked by her boyfriend's unexpected question.

"...Yes."

* * *

Touka entered the training hall, patiently waiting for her husband as he mentioned Naki would like to have an urgent talk with him. The training hall was spacious, with no sign of candlestick, only a few pillars with body figures as targets carved on them and some martial pose arts hanging on the walls. At the end of the hall was where swords, bows, arrows and several other training weapons organised neatly on a long table.

She realised she hadn't practiced her bow skill for so long, thus she took a bow along with several arrows and began shooting at the targets. She hit the head and the chest easily. She smirked in triumph, her bow skill was still very good after all.

Soon after, footsteps were heard and Touka turned around to see her husband arrived at the training hall. But he was stunned to see her.

She wore a white tunic that covered until just below her ass. There were straps and belt on it along with leather arm-guards, also a leather vest that hugged every inch of her curves. Sure, he had seen her in dresses that hugged her curves, but what appealed her appearance the most was the tight leggings with knee-length boots on her legs. He rarely saw her legs apart of the time when her chemise had ridden up when he woke up earlier than her, or when she came out of the bathroom in only a towel that left him blushing like tomatoes in front of other servants who helped her bathed due to her injury.

Her hair was tied in a ponytail, but her bangs still covered her right eye. She didn't look like a queen at all- in fact, the bow she held in her hands made her looked like a huntress instead, ready to hunt some animals for dinner. Even so, she was still beautiful in his eyes. And he just couldn't stop staring at her perfection.

"S-stop staring, idiot!" She blushed from the intense stare he was giving her.

"R-right. Sorry." He was blushing too from being caught. She put the bow and arrows back onto the table and stood in front of him.

"Let's start now. Are you ready?"

"Y-yeah." But neither of them moved. Shio and Rikai just rolled their eyes staring at their king and queen from the corner of the training hall. As royal bodyguards, it was their responsibility to remain as stealthy as possible to avoid other people sensing them. Shio was very excited when he heard that his queen will be having a sparring session with his king just like how it was years ago, but the fact that he had to remain quiet upset him. Nevertheless, he was still able to witness the scene, so he was happy with it. It was better than unable to see it all.

Kaneki, on the other hand, was mentally arguing with himself whether he should hold back or use his full strength.

"Here I go." Touka tried to land a punch on him, which he blocked easily. He then turned her body around and strangled her neck from behind, "What if someone attacks you like this? What would you do?"

She grabbed his arms, bent her body and pulled him so that he fell in front of her. "I'd do that."

Kaneki lay on the floor, panting lightly. _'No holding back then.'_

He then stood up and punched her cheek, she groaned in pain while rubbing her cheek. He immediately regretted his action.

"I'm sorry! Are you alright?" He wanted to inspect the bruise that she may have, but she was quick to jab his stomach.

He stepped back, recomposing himself.

"Touka, should I hold back, or should I not?"

She snorted hearing his question. "Are you kidding me? You never hold back, Kaneki. Remember you broke my nose once-" She tried to kick him, but he caught her leg, causing her to lose balance and fell hard onto the floor. "I was a princess, you jerk. I had to cover my face for two weeks." She glared at him for what he did just now and also for what he did seven years ago.

"You did worse to me, Touka. You broke my leg-" She stood up and tried to punch him, but he stopped her, "-I had to use a crutch to walk." He softly slammed her onto the floor. He felt guilty for doing this to her, he wasn't sure why. Back then, sparring with her and never holding back was something he enjoyed immensely. But after marrying her, doing this made him feel uncomfortable. He was supposed to protect her, not injuring her body more. He _knew_ that this lesson was necessary, as he didn't want to lose her, ever. But he still felt guilty, and worried that he might hurt her.

"If I remember correctly-" She tackled the back of his knee, but he held out his arms onto the floor, preventing his body from landing flat onto it. She was fast to flip him on his back, so she could pin him beneath her, "-it was because your hand was groping my breast." She panted, her hands pinning his, preventing him from attacking her.

"It was an accident. They were small anyway." He said with a straight face, but Touka smirked mischievously hearing his witty retort.

"Oh really~? I was 15 back then. You were eyeing them so many times after we got married, Kaneki. You think I didn't realise that?"

She pushed her body up a bit higher, making sure his eye was on the same level as her breasts. The gravity made them appeared larger than they originally were, and she could see the heavy blush on his face. It was different than the face of prisoners when they started to jerk off to her. The prisoners had a lewd expression on their faces that she felt like slapping them and cut off their dicks, but Kaneki was different. He had a look of embarrassment as he was trying his best to look elsewhere, but failed miserably.

"I may be a king, but I'm still a man, you know. And your dresses are always revealing, so, um-"

"I don't think they were _that_ revealing, Kaneki." She teased him even more.

"Y-you're my wife anyways. I didn't look at Hinami's or Miza's, only- um, only y-yours." She gave him a conceited smile before giggling to herself.

"Thanks. I'm flattered." She laid her head on his chest, he was so warm, as usual. She felt comfortable lying on top of him, especially before falling asleep at nights, and Kaneki would always wrap his arm around her body.

"I'm sweating, Touka. Please get off."

"No."

"You really love lying on my chest huh?"

"Just shut up for a minute." She could hear his rapid heartbeat in her ears, and it soothed her, so she closed her eyes, cherishing the peaceful moment.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her head. Kaneki was brushing her hair gently. Her hair was sweaty due to the sparring, but he didn't mind.

His hand travelled to her cheek, then his thumb traced her lower lip. He didn't know what came over him, but all in his mind was he wanted to feel her lips, just like on that day when he first helped her with her meal. She unconsciously leaned towards him when he retracted his hand.

"Sorry." He muttered.

Touka frowned, she had enough of this. His action just proved that they both sought after the same thing. She propped herself up on her elbows, her eyes staring deep into his. She closed her eyes as she leaned in closer.

"Tou-"

Kaneki's lips were captured by hers, they were softer than she expected, so she deepened the kiss. It was a bit clumsy as they both lacked experience.

She pulled away to catch her breath, but Kaneki was fast to flip her on her back, with his hands pinning her shoulders and he stared hard into her eyes, then at her parted lips, still in disbelief that she had just kissed him.

"Hirako, Squad 0, leave." His voice sounded husky and breathless, and he was panting slightly.

"Yes, Your Majesty."

Touka blushed furiously hearing their voices. Too caught up in her emotions, she didn't even realise that they were there, standing at the corner of the training area to guard them.

' _That was so embarrassing!'_ But her thought was cut short as Kaneki dived in to kiss her again, and again, and again. It was as if all those days he held back from kissing her were being claimed at that moment.

* * *

"I need to report this to Tsukiyama." Hirako said as he walked outside of the training hall with the Squad 0 team.

"I can't wait to see his reaction!" Shio squealed, his hands clapping with joy.

"Me too." Rikai responded, but Yusa just remained quiet, he didn't seem interested at all in their progression.

* * *

"Your Majesty. I was looking for you-" Nishiki stopped as he saw the scene in front of him. His king was sucking his queen's neck while both of his hands were at her breasts.

"MY APOLOGIES!" He quickly bowed before his king, begging for forgiveness at the intrusion he had just made.

' _Out of all people, it has to be shitty Nishiki?!'_ Touka mentally buried herself due to the unbearable embarrassment she was feeling.

"Explain why you are here, Nishiki." Kaneki's voice was deadly, as if threatened to kill the main knight, but of course he wouldn't. And they both knew that.

"Again, I apologise for intruding, Your Majesty. But Nico from Aogiri Kingdom is here to see you."


	11. Unwanted

Nico, Aogiri's Head of Public Affair waited in the throne chamber. His clothes were magnificent, as always. He wore a purple tabard with a long scarf wrapped around his waist, a long black coat with huge buttons on the right side and there was a pair of glasses above his forehead.

"My, my. You're as handsome as ever, King Kaneki. Queen Touka is very lucky to have you." Touka snorted. Usually, people would compliment the queen, saying the king was very lucky to have the queen. Not the other way around.

"On what business are you here for, Nico?" Kaneki was tired from the sparring session he had earlier, even though he was distracted by his beautiful wife, but still, he wasn't in the mood to meet someone from another kingdom. He wouldn't consider Aogiri Kingdom as their ally, but he wouldn't consider them as their foe either. But if one day he died heirless, he was very confident that Aogiri would be one of the kingdoms that would try to conquer Re.

"Rest assured, King Kaneki. I'm only here to deliver the scroll of a wedding invitation. Guess what~? The wedding ceremony of our cheeky Princess Eto and the beautiful Prince Kishou from Washuu will be held next week! Will you attend?"

"I thought the wedding should be held in the next two months?"

"Ho ho~ our princess couldn't resist Prince Kishou's charm. Of course, even _I_ , Nico, can't resist him too. Such intellectual prince, tall build, cold, handsome face." He said with a dreamy look on his face, stopped when he saw the bored expressions of the king and queen in front of him. "Ah, I'm sorry. Anyways, under unplanned circumstances, they have to get married as soon as possible~"

Kaneki turned his gaze to his left. "Do you want to go? I'll go if you go."

"I..." Touka was finding words to say.

"Your brother, King Ayato is attending-"

"I'll go."

' _That was fast.'_ Thought both Kaneki and Nico.

"Ah yes, before I forgot, Princess Eto has a gift for your wedding. It has been three months but she hopes she's not too late." He called his servant over, the servant stepped forward, kneeled down and on his hands, there was a big red box. Banjou took the box from the servant and brought it to Kaneki.

Kaneki opened the box and saw a dozen red ginsengs inside it. Rumours had it red ginseng was very popular in increasing men's sexual drive.

' _She's messing with me.'_ He rolled his eyes, unaware of the small blush on his wife's face.

"Tell her... I appreciate it. Though I'm pretty sure she's just messing with me."

"I will inform her, King Kaneki. I hope you enjoy the gift. Now, please excuse me as I have to leave now."

"You're not staying?"

"Perhaps next time. But thank you for the offer." He winked while blowing a kiss towards the one-eyed-King.

* * *

That night, she was on his lap, straddling him, her arms wrapped loosely around his neck. However he just stared at her, _he wanted to_ , but he was a little unsure, and she could sense it.

But the moment she leaned in, her lips moving softly against his, he couldn't help but returned her kiss ardently. Too absorbed in her wonderful scent and the small moan escaped from her throat, he pushed her down into the mattress, his body molded into hers.

A slight gasp was heard when his hand went to her breast, and he took the opportunity to explore her mouth further. Their tongues coiled around each other, clumsy but deep enough to leave them panting for breath afterwards.

His lips travelled down to her neck and collarbone, sucking on a soft spot, causing a small whimper to escape her lips. She took off her dress, a heavy blush coloured her cheeks as she revealed her womanly curves to him.

Kaneki took his sweet time admiring her startling beauty. The round mole on her plump breast, her cute innie belly button, her wide curvy hips.

She was breathtakingly beautiful, and he felt like he was out of breath.

He was about to take off his shirt as well, but suddenly his childhood memories flashed through his mind.

" _You're unwanted."_

" _You were a mistake."_

" _I wish you weren't born, Ken."_

He started to tremble, reflexively cracking his knuckles, his breathing became ragged and uneven.

" _Mother, no! Please don't do this! Blurgh."_

 _She pushed his head down into the ceramic bathtub filled with water, intending to drown him._

 _He was abused physically and emotionally, because of his existence. He wasn't supposed to be born into this world. He was unwanted._

"Kaneki, are you alright?" She looked at him with deep concern, but he just shook his head.

"I'm sorry… I can't."

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry. Forget all of these ever happened. You deserve better."

"Kaneki-"

She didn't have a chance to stop him as he ran out of their chamber, leaving her stupefied.

* * *

Kaneki knocked loudly on his High Chancellor's door, "Tsukiyama! Tsukiyama!"

Tsukiyama opened the door, surprised to see his king, looking dishevelled yet vulnerable on his front door.

"My King. What happened? Please, come in."

He went inside and immediately sat on the wooden chair in the middle of the room, covering his face with his shaking hands.

"I can't, Tsukiyama. I can't."

"What is it that you can't? Please, tell me properly."

"We- we were about to- to d-do it, and then, I remembered my mother. You know about me, right? About how I was conceived?"

 _Rape._

"Yes, I know. But it's a different case compared to you two. Do you think you're forcing yourself on her?"

He shook his head.

"Then if she's pregnant, it won't be an unwanted child. The child will be loved by both of you, I'm sure of it."

"But- I'm dying, Tsukiyama. I won't be there with her. I can still let her go. She doesn't have to rule this kingdom after I died. She doesn't have to suffer raising a fatherless child like my mother did."

"But what about our people? Are you seriously sacrificing your whole kingdom for the sake of the woman you love?"

He gasped, eyes widened.

"Love?"

"You love her, My King. I know how your childhood was, but please, don't let that blind you. You are loved by every one of us. And you love her. Think back everything you have done for her. Was it because of duty, or because you simply want to?"

He tried to think back. Having meals together, relocating her pets, having a walk in the market, in the garden, forehead kisses, wanting to see her smile, taking care of her during her injury, kissing her. They were because he wanted to. Not because he had to.

"I love her?"

"Yes, that's love, Your Majesty. The way you look at her is the same way as you used to look at Rize, or I may say, way more intense than that. And I used to look at you that way too." _'I'm still looking at you that way, but you can never see how much I love you._ ' "You love her, My King. Now, go back to your chamber. Make up with her. Alright?"

He nodded slowly, then started to leave the room. Tsukiyama just smiled softly staring at his king.

However, the smile on his face didn't last long as his king suddenly fell hard onto the floor, unconscious. Black tears flowed endlessly from his left eye.

"Your Majesty!"

* * *

"My Queen! Please, open the door!"

The door opened, revealing a very distressed Touka- her eyes puffy and her nose red. It was obvious that she had been crying.

She saw Tsukiyama was carrying her husband in his arms.

"What happened?"

"He fainted."

" _What_? Come in."

He gently laid his king on the bed, his hand caressing his cheek swiftly before giving some space to his queen.

"I have ordered the guards to summon Dr. Shiba. He will be here soon."

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure. He was telling me that he was- scared, to um- about tonight. So I comforted him. And he was about to go back to you, but then he suddenly fainted."

"Why was he scared?"

Tsukiyama bit his lip, wondering if he should be telling her.

"I'm not the right person to answer this. Perhaps, you can ask Banjou. He has known His Majesty longer than me. My apologies, Your Majesty."

She nodded. Then she saw the black tears pooling and flowing from behind her husband's eyepatch.

"His eye-"

"Yes, it has been flowing non-stop ever since he fainted. I don't know what's happening."

"Excuse me, My Queen." Dr. Shiba arrived, bringing in medical equipment with him.

He removed the black eyepatch to inspect his king's eye. That was the first time Touka saw her husband's eye- the sclera was pitch-black, with red iris in the middle. She finally understood why he was hiding it from her. For some people- his eye may appear gruesome, but for her- she didn't care. She accepted all of him, even his flaws.

* * *

"I have stopped the tears from his eye. Now we just have to wait for him to wake up. I have also relayed the message to Kanou, Washuu Kingdom's royal doctor. He is more knowledgeable in this area compared to me. He should be here tomorrow."

"Is there anything I can do?" Deep concern etched on her face.

"Just stay by his side. Inform me if he wakes up."

"I will. Thank you, doctor."

He smiled sympathetically at her before leaving the chamber. Touka turned to look at her husband, he looked so pale and fragile, like one of her rabbits that died months ago due to sickness.

She lay beside him, taking his hand in her left one, her head rested near his shoulder. She placed her right hand on his chest. Upon feeling his constant heartbeat, a sigh of relief escaped her lips.

"Please, wake up soon, Kaneki."

* * *

"How is his condition, Dr. Shiba?" Tsukiyama asked. Banjou remained quiet, anticipating the doctor's response.

"Call everyone who knows about his condition here. Let's hold a meeting." He simply answered.

A while later, Nishiki, Naki, Hinami, and Miza came into the meeting chamber and joined them at the table.

"Thank you, everyone- for coming here even though it is midnight now. But Dr. Shiba has an important information to discuss with all of us." Tsukiyama announced.

"Where's His Majesty?" Nishiki asked flatly.

"His Majesty had just fainted." Dr. Shiba answered.

"What?"

"Yes, and it was terrible. The black tears flowed endlessly from his eye. I'm gathering all of you here to discuss his condition. And also about the future of Re." Dr. Shiba stated. The atmosphere suddenly became very heavy, they felt an inexplicable sense of the impending dread.

"From his latest checkup, he has about five years more. But after seeing his condition just now, I'm afraid he doesn't have that much time anymore."

A collective gasp was heard throughout the chamber. Tsukiyama covered his face with his hands, unable to take in anymore.

"His eye has become very severe. The eyepatch made it even worse because it was trapped in humidity and not exposed to the air. He should stop wearing it."

"How much time does he have left, doctor?" Banjou asked, his voice sounded low and dishearten.

"I can't tell... a year, a month. It's out of my expertise. Dr. Kanou should be here tomorrow. But we need to prepare for the worst."

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone here realises that a war will break out if Re is left heirless, right? I think it would be best to prepare our people for the war. Everyone needs to fight."

"But we're heirless. We're doomed to be conquered!" Miza protested.

"Re has a good relationship with Anteiku. If we let Anteiku conquers us, it would be better-"

"Are you kidding me? Anteiku is ruthless! They execute assassins and drug dealers in public! Everyone is afraid of King Ayato!" Nishiki interrupted.

"I'm not saying King Ayato has to rule us. We can leave that to Queen Touka. She is still from Anteiku, after all."

Everyone kept quiet, absorbing Dr. Shiba's words gradually. He was correct, in a way.

"Both Queen Touka and King Ayato ruled Anteiku previously. They were both ruthless. Our King is trying his best to change Queen Touka's way of ruling." Tsukiyama added.

"How is it going so far?" Dr. Shiba asked.

"She promised not to execute assassins in public anymore. But that only applies to Re, not Anteiku. However, I think she will follow the rules of Re even if Anteiku conquered Re. Because she loves Kaneki, and she respects him, I can see that."

"What happens after Queen Touka died?"

"It's either she needs to have a child by remarrying or King Ayato's second son will be the new king of Re. We have no other choice now."

"We _do_ have." Tsukiyama intervened.

"What is it?"

"We help King Tsuneyoshi conquer V Kingdom, then His Majesty can have the surgery."

"The rate of success is not guaranteed, Tsukiyama. He could have died during the surgery. Kanou even mentioned that." Nishiki said while massaging his temple. He remembered Kimi mentioned this to him several times as a reminder for his king not to undergo the surgery.

"Then he needs to consummate his marriage as soon as possible."

"Wait, what? How long have they been married? Three months? They still haven't consummated yet?! What were they doing all this time?" Dr. Shiba sounded very shocked and irritated over this information.

"They were about to, tonight. But His Majesty got scared. He was afraid that the child would end up being like him. _Unwanted_."

Everyone except for Miza lowered their heads in silence, they shared the same sorrow expression on their faces.

"But they love each other. So it should be fine, right?"

"You're new here, Miza."

"I've been here for three years!"

"Much shorter compared to all of us. Did you know how His Majesty's mental condition was after Queen Sayaka died? He was unstable! We tried so hard to make sure he didn't kill himse-"

"Tsukiyama!" Banjou raised his voice. Tsukiyama may have a higher position than everyone else in the chamber, but Banjou was someone who everyone respected.

"Miza, our King does not know what it's like to be loved. He may read a lot of books, but he had never experienced it. We all love him, but for some reasons, he couldn't see it. He didn't want to see it. After Queen Sayaka died, he asked everyone to call him King Kaneki, not King Ken. Even his best friend, Hide, called him Kaneki. He didn't want to get close to anyone. After Hide died, I think he doesn't care about his life anymore. _He wanted to die too_. But he held back because of his kingdom, his people."

"What made him propose to Queen Touka then?" Miza asked. Banjou turned to Tsukiyama, expecting the High Chancellor to answer.

"He was fulfilling his promise with King Arata, Queen Touka's late father. He asked him to take care of Queen Touka as his final wish. By doing that, His Majesty can also have an heir. As the saying goes, kill two birds with one stone. But I think he's doing a great job. He wants the marriage to work, and he also wants to make her happy. In the end, he ends up falling in love with her. He just found out tonight, though. All this while he thought he was carrying out his duty as a perfect husband. He didn't even realise that he loves her."

"How can we make him see that we love him? I don't want him to die not knowing that everyone loves him. That's... very lonely." Naki said, he bit his lower lip to hold back his emotions.

"...I don't know. Why are we being like this? Why are we preparing for His Majesty's death? Why is this happening to him? Why can't he live longer? I want to see him happy..." Tsukiyama cried, tears fell freely from his eyes, Banjou followed soon after.

There was a long period of silence before Hinami broke it.

"Don't you think Her Majesty deserves to know..? Her husband is dying and she's not even aware of it..." She started to cry too, but Miza was quick to hug her. "I love her... she deserves to be happy too..."

No one said a thing. Everyone in the chamber had signed an agreement not to inform their queen of their king's dying condition.

It must be kept secret, even after he died.

* * *

When Touka woke up the next morning, Kaneki was still unconscious. She patiently waited until afternoon, but sadly, there was still no sign of him waking up. Usually, he would have woken up by then.

She caressed his cheek lovingly, running her fingers through his soft white hair as she placed a kiss on his forehead. Tears brimming in her indigo eyes, threatening to fall any second.

And they fell.

"Please, please wake up." She gently kissed his lips, showing her affection even though he couldn't see it, hoping he could feel it in his dreams.

"Please, Kaneki. Don't leave me. I love y-"

A knock on the door startled her. She immediately wiped her tears away.

"Your Majesty? It's Banjou."

"Come in."

Dread filled his face as he saw his king was still lying unconscious on his bed.

"Dr. Kanou will arrive tonight. Let's hope he regains his consciousness soon."

"Yeah." She said, softly. "Banjou, can I ask you something?"

"Anything, Your Majesty."

"Could you tell me about Kaneki's childhood? Please, tell me the truth. I know you were hiding something about Queen Sayaka. I want to know the truth."

He was contemplating for a moment, then decided that she should know, after all. He sighed heavily before pulling out a chair then sat on it.

"His Majesty was an unwanted child. King Keiji fell in love with the maid, and he used her... sexually. She got pregnant, and later on, they got married."

"So Queen Sayaka was..."

"Yes, she was the maid. And she was forced to be the Queen, even when she didn't want to. And then King Keiji died on the battlefield, so she had to rule the kingdom and raise His Majesty to groom him in becoming the next king."

Touka remembered the night when he had his nightmare. He begged her not to hurt him, and he even called her 'mother'. That was when she deduced his childhood life.

"She hurt him, right?"

"In more ways than you can ever think of. I saved him from her _so many times_." His voice was mixtures of bitterness and anger. "Despite hating her role, Queen Sayaka did a great job as a queen, even though she was forcing herself. But she failed as a mother because she didn't even love her son. So to stop being a queen and stop raising her son, she was finding ways to ensure that Re is heirless. She wanted other kingdoms to conquer Re."

"W-what? You didn't mean she was trying to kill-"

"Yes. I meant it. His Majesty had a rough childhood. Unwanted, unloved by his mother. She wanted him to die."

' _And now he's dying.'_

Tears fell from his eyes as he turned to look at his king, lying unconscious on the bed, _dying with each passing second_.

* * *

 **Important announcement** : I'm a working adult who's furthering her studies at the same time. So it's very hard to find free time to write but somehow I managed 11 chapters so far (yay!). Anyways, I have two big exams which are in next two weeks and a week before Christmas which require me to study every day T_T For Christmas, my company has 10 days break but I'll be having a vacation in Philippines to enjoy myself from working + studying all this time. With that said, I will not upload any chapter for the rest of the year, **Chapter 12 will be uploaded next year** instead. I'm very sorry for the delay and thank you so much for your kind understanding *bows*

I'm taking this chance to apologise for every grammar or vocabulary mistakes I've ever made. English is not my first language, so thank you for bearing with me. Also, thanks a bunch for all the favs, alerts and reviews. I really appreciate them! *hugs*

I know this is early but... Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! I'll be back next year so please kindly stay tune~~ ^^


	12. Revelation

I'm back! I was really planning to post this chapter earlier but I participated in Touken Week on Tumblr. My fic is called Red Strings of Fate which I will post the revised version here in several days :)

* * *

"Please, Your Majesty." Banjou kneeled down on the floor abruptly, bowing his head to beg his queen. "Show him what love is, make him know that he's loved."

"Banjou, please stand up-"

"Promise me, promise me you'll make him feel loved. Make him happy. Please, I'm begging you." Touka couldn't bear staring at the older man any longer. He looked so pitiable, begging her like this. But then again, it wasn't like she didn't want to. She had fallen hard for her husband and would do anything for him, just to make him feel better, happier.

"I will. I promise." She pulled him up, and between the heavy sobs and sniffles, he thanked her.

"Thank you, Your Majesty. Thank you so much."

* * *

Kanou and his assistant, Kimi, arrived that evening- much earlier than they were expected to.

They started to treat the one-eyed-King immediately. Touka just sat and watched as they took out their tools, injecting clear liquid into her husband's left eyelid, and extracted some blood from his arm. The procedure took almost an hour.

"I've treated his eyelid. It won't swell that much now. He should be waking up anytime soon, but I can't promise when. It could be today, tomorrow, or next week. It's out of my control." Kanou informed her, his face looked tired and drained of energy. It must have been tiring for him, judging by the time of their arrival, it seemed as if they rushed to Re straight away after they received the news.

"It's alright. Thank you so much, Doctor, for your help. But how about his black tears? Is it life-threatening?" She looked so worried and scared, her eyes portraying deep concern for her husband.

"About that..." Kanou seemed lost for words momentarily. "He should be fine. You shouldn't worry that much." He felt terrible for lying to her, but he had no choice. If King Kaneki were a commoner, he would have told her about his dying condition. But he couldn't do the same for a king, for there might be some punishment on him for revealing his secret.

Touka exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Thank you, both of you. I'm glad."

"It's our job to save people's lives." He smiled, while Kimi bowed slightly to Touka.

There was a vague sadness in her eyes that Touka subtly caught. But she chose to ignore it, thinking it might be because of another reason.

"It must have been a long journey to get here. Thank you for arriving earlier than we expected to. Please, have a proper rest. Banjou, bring them to their respective room."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

* * *

Kimi was brought to her own guest room inside the castle. It was her first time coming to Re Kingdom, usually King Kaneki would come to Washuu Kingdom instead to have his check-ups.

At first, she was surprised to see the colour of the castle. It was pitch black from the outside. But after she entered the castle, she wasn't affected by the dark colour at all. In fact, she felt the other way around. The people in the castle were very nice. The castle interior was full of white furniture, and the curtains were light silver. The black walls, paired with white and silver decorations just made everything appeared more exotic.

The servants brought in some food for her. When she had a taste of the famous grilled mutton, she finally understood why King Tsuneyoshi wanted to conquer Re so badly. Goats in Re had an exquisite taste that she didn't mind eating them every day.

She almost laughed at her thoughts. Nishiki promised to marry her and bring her to Re, but she turned him down, saying there was no point marrying someone who couldn't give him children.

He was a persistent one, that knight, saying they could always adopt instead of having their own children. She still hadn't given him an answer yet, and he was still waiting.

After finishing her meal, she stepped into the bathroom to clean herself from the sweat and dust that she accumulated from the journey, as they were rushing from Washuu to Re immediately after they received the message from Hetare.

She lay on the huge bed afterward, trying to get some sleep but failed. She couldn't forget the worried face of Dr. Kanou during the treatment of King Kaneki earlier. The severe state of his left eye made her anxious.

She knew it, she could tell as well. She still had a long way to go to become a full-fledged doctor, but as a doctor's assistant, she could see how badly his eye and his body were. He was aging quicker than she expected.

' _King Kaneki doesn't have much time left...'_

Her thoughts were cut short as she heard a knock on the door.

She didn't have time to take a proper look at her visitor as she was pushed abruptly into her room, her lips pressed fervently by none other than her lover.

Too lost in a daze at the way he kissed her passionately, she didn't even realise that he had placed something around her wrist.

"What? What is this?" She stared at her wrist and blinked thrice. A bangle. He raised his arm. A matching bangle.

"I saw these in the market last week. I thought, maybe you would like it. Do you?"

Her eyes almost teary at his kind act. Coming from a poor family, she rarely got any gift from anyone. What had she done in her life to receive so much love from this person?

She didn't answer. She just wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, hoping her action answered his question.

She pulled away after a while, a worried expression etched on her face.

"Nishiki."

"Hm?"

"Your king... he doesn't have much time left."

Nishiki sighed heavily before sitting on the couch, motioning for her to have a seat beside him, which she did.

"I know Kimi, I know. But there's nothing we can do about it. The surgery is risky. Personally, I hope he will undergo it but I don't want him to die earlier than he's destined to." She studied his expression, he was definitely hurt on the inside.

"Queen Touka was asking about his black tears earlier... it seems like she still doesn't know about his impending death..."

"Yeah, we have signed an agreement to keep it a secret. No one is allowed to tell Her Majesty, even after he dies."

"But, that's unfair. She deserves to know!"

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

"That's His Majesty's order... breaking the agreement means facing the death penalty. There's nothing we can do about it."

His answer shocked her, but she knew there was nothing she could do about it either. She rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes briefly. If she felt bad for Queen Touka earlier, now she felt even worse for her.

"How's their marriage going on? Have they fallen in love with each other yet?"

"They have, but I don't think they realise it yet. I don't know. They're pretty much dense. Everyone could see it. I caught them making out in the training hall yesterday, the gaze I received from His Majesty was deadly... I wish I could turn back time..." He shuddered just by thinking about it.

Kimi let out a small laugh. He smiled, he rarely heard her laugh. It was nice.

"Doesn't that mean they have realised their feelings?"

"I believe so... I think we should expect a prince or princess after His Majesty regained his consciousness."

She pulled away instantly. He noticed the change in the atmosphere. He knew the topic would always be a sensitive issue for her.

His right hand took hers, and his left one lifted her chin up to face him. His face filled with determination.

"I promise. After this whole thing is over, I'll propose to you. I don't care if we're childless-"

She stopped him with a kiss. No more discussion about children was brought up again that night, even though their act of union would make her pregnant if she wasn't infertile.

* * *

Touka spent her days and nights by her husband's side, leaving Re matters to Tsukiyama and others. She couldn't bear to leave him alone, even though it was killing her inside to see his unconscious state each passing second. She talked to him every day, telling him about her childhood life, how she and Ayato worked together to rule Anteiku after her father's death. At times, she would express her feelings- saying how much she missed him, how much she loved him, how much she wanted him to wake up just to hear his voice again.

After four days, he finally did.

His head throbbed slightly, and he felt his fingers intertwined with someone's.

He looked to his right and noticed his wife was sleeping calmly, her head resting in the crook of his neck.

"...Touka?" He coughed slightly, his voice sounded raspy- he needed water.

Touka stirred in her sleep, her eyes fluttered open and she was surprised to see her husband finally regained his consciousness.

"Kaneki!" She hugged him, tears brimming in her eyes. "Thank God. You're finally awake."

"What happened?" he noticed the lit beeswax candle. It was night time, he assumed.

"You were unconscious for four days."

"Four days?" He sounded surprised as well. "W-water..."

"Ah, right. Here." She walked to the table in the middle of the room then came back with a goblet in her hand. She sat him up then helped him as he drank the water.

After his thirst was quenched, she put the goblet aside.

"Dr. Kanou was here. He said you shouldn't wear your eyepatch anymore. It's making your eye worse."

If he was still half awake a moment ago, hearing her words made him fully awake. Shock coursing through his body as he realised he wasn't wearing his black eyepatch. "No! I need to wear it! Where is it?!"

His eyes searching for the eyepatch, he was about to stand up but she caught his arm, preventing him from doing so.

"Kaneki, it's alright."

"It's hideous, I need to cover it!"

"Kaneki!" She gripped his arm harder, forcing him to sit still and look at her.

"It's alright. I accept everything about you."

However, he didn't seem convinced, so she leaned in closer, her arms wrapped around him loosely.

"Your eye is not hideous, Kaneki. You're beautiful. I like you for who you are."

He seemed to have calmed down, but he pushed her away nonetheless. His head shook in disagreement.

"I'm a monster, Touka."

"No you're not, why would you say that?"

"I am! I- you don't know me. About my past." He covered his face with his hands, so she hugged him again, rubbing his back up and down in a soothing pattern.

"Banjou told me about your mother. I'm sorry to hear that, Kaneki. You deserved so much more." He tensed at the mention of his mother.

"What- what did he tell you?" He grabbed her shoulders- pushing her away slightly, forcing her to meet his eyes.

"That... she doesn't want you." She murmured softly, not wanting to hurt him.

Yet he just laughed, bitterly.

"Yeah, I shouldn't have been born. I should just- die."

"No, Kaneki. You deserve to live."

"I don't. I-" he took a long pause, searching her eyes for some assurance, hoping that what he was going to reveal will not make her detest him.

"-I killed my own mother."

Her eyes widened at his revelation, she didn't say anything, and for a moment- he thought she was going to leave him, or despise him for what he did.

He could hear his heartbeat pounding loudly- and painfully in his ears.

It felt like an eternity before she started responding to his darkest secret.

"...What?" It came out like a whisper, but he heard it loud and clear. His lips clamped together so tightly it made a white line, tears started to gather in his eyes.

"She was stabbing my eye, I- I wanted her to stop."

 _She took the nearby quill pen, smiling sinisterly before stabbing it repeatedly into his left eye._

" _Mother, it hurts! Stop it! Mother, I won't ask for anything anymore! I'm sorry! It hurts!"_

 _He was trying to close his eye but his mother forced it open, a menacing smile was plastered on her face._

 _Kaneki- screaming and wailing to be released, couldn't bear the pain anymore, and acted on instinct._

 _He kicked her as hard as he could._

 _Two loud thuds were heard._

 _Then silence._

" _Mother?"_

 _More silence._

 _He sat up, his eye was still bleeding from the stabs he received, but he couldn't blink at all when he saw his mother, lying in a pool of blood, not moving at all._

 _Her head hit the edge of the table when he kicked her._

 _It was an instant death._

More black tears fell from his left eye as he told her about his past. The past that had been haunting him for half of his life. It haunted his dream, as well as his mind as it seemed that he always remembered it every time his mother or his childhood was mentioned.

"I don't d-deserve you. You- you're like an angel, and I'm- I'm a hideous monster who k-killed his own mother."

"Kaneki..."

"And you know w-what? I was g-glad that she d-died. She- she won't hurt me a-anymore! I- I-" He pulled his hair, trying to repress the awful memories, but failed. The scene played in his mind over and over again. From the time when she stabbed his eye, to the part where he kicked her.

"Why didn't you love me... I'm your son... WHY DID YOU HURT ME?!" he shouted, his hand trying to claw his left eye, and this shocked Touka to the core. She gripped his wrists tightly, trying her best to stop him. But he was too strong, he yanked her hands away from him as he tried to claw his left eye again.

' _This needs to stop.'_ She wasn't sure what else to do, so she just pushed him down, forcefully kissing him as her hands carefully removed his from its previous position.

He didn't seem to repel her anymore, in fact, he seemed confused, lost.

"Why-"

She smiled softly at him as her hands cupped his cheeks.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself. You're precious, Kaneki." Oh how she wanted to call him Ken, but she knew it might trigger him again just like on the night when he had his nightmare.

He stared at her face for God-knows how long, he wasn't really affected by her words, at least, not as much as she hoped him to.

"But I don't d-deserve to live. I'm- I'm a monst-"

She captured his mouth with hers again, stopping him from muttering the word.

"You're my kind husband, and if you died- I would be very sad." She caressed his cheek tenderly, kissing the crown of his head, her eyes showing nothing but love and concern towards him.

"But, I kill-"

"I don't care." What she did next surprised him. She kissed the corner of his left eye, his eyes automatically shut as she did so. She proceeded to kiss his eyelid gently, kissing away his mixed tears but it only made him cried even more.

She rained tiny kisses on his other eyelid, his high cheekbones, his red nose, his chin, then back to his eyelids again. A whimper escaped his lips.

"Touka…"

She covered his lips with hers- he responded weakly at first, but grew more passionate by the second. He was still crying, not because of his mother anymore, but because of the tender affection that was displayed by his caring wife. She pulled away for a moment to wipe his crystal clear and black tears away, then she leaned down to kiss him again, and again, and again.

She trailed lower and placed open-mouthed kisses along the tender skin of his jaw and neck. His Adam's apple bobbing visibly as he swallowed.

"You have a mole on your Adam's apple, Kaneki." She smiled.

"Really? I- I never noticed."

She trailed down to his throat again, kissing the mole tenderly. Her hands eased under his shirt, pulling it over his head, revealing his well-defined muscles. There were several scars on his body, but the one on his lower right abdomen was the most noticeable of all. She carefully traced it, rubbing her fingertips in little circles over the rough surface but stopped as the sound of his sobs getting louder.

"She- she tortured me-" her heart clenched painfully. _'He didn't deserve this.'_ "-I was tied, I c-couldn't do anything-"

She gave him the most comforting kiss while her fingers wiped away his tears for the nth time that night.

"It's alright... I'm here..." His arms wrapped tightly around her, drawing her closer to him. He needed to feel her warmth, to know that she was there with him.

She smiled as her hands caressed his cheeks, her eyes looked at him lovingly as if conveying her feelings for him.

She kissed her way down to his collarbone, chest, stomach, and also his scar. His chest heaved with each fond kiss that she planted onto his body.

"T- Touka." He panted. For a moment, he looked like a young boy, yearning for something unreachable.

She wondered where she got the courage to do this to him. All she wanted was to ease him of his painful memories. Banjou asked her to make him feel loved, so she would fulfil her promise. Not because she had to, but because she wanted to. Because she loved him.

She removed his pants along with the braies.

He was quite hard.

Her fingers attentively caressed his length, she was curious and nervous as she had never done this before, but she wanted to make him feel better.

She stroked him experimentally, his whimpers encouraged her to go faster. His hips bucked up slightly, responding to her movements.

Their gazes met- his eyes burned, she could see the desperation on his face as he seemed entranced by her action.

"Let me love you."

"Wait, Touka-"

She took him in her mouth, she was inexperienced and so was he, but who was he to complain when she made him feel good down there despite the lack of experience? Closing his eyes, his head fell back in a deep bliss. Eventually, his whimpers turned into deep moans as she took him deeper into her mouth, feeling the back of her throat.

"Touka, stop. Please stop." He murmured, panting heavily. He didn't think he could hold it any longer if she continued.

She hesitantly released him, "what is it?"

"I- I want you..." his lust-filled gaze was overwhelming. He looked so... beautiful that she felt guilty of her answer.

"You can't. I mean- I'm on my- um, period. It's usually very heavy on the first three days so..."

"O-oh."

"I'm sorry." She smiled warmly at him, then proceeded to give a lingering kiss on his tip before taking him again.

"Ah- you don't have to do this if- if you don't want to." Despite saying that, his hands instinctively made their way to her hair, slowly tangled into her locks.

She stared hard at him, he tried to return her stare but his face was in a pleasure mess as her hands engulfed him, unconsciously teasing him more.

"I want to. Tell me if I'm not doing this correctly, okay?"

Hearing her words, he nodded- his hooded eyes burning into hers.

With every touch, every kiss, and every movement on his length sent him to cloud nine. He had forgotten about his mother and his horrific childhood. In that moment, the only thing that occupied his mind was his gentle wife, giving him the best sensation he could ever imagine. Her touch was so light and careful as if she would break him if she were slightly a bit rougher.

She would occasionally look up at him, observing his reactions, learning more about his responses- what made him whimpered, what made his breath hitched, what made him moaned her name. She wanted to hear more, so that she could comfort him through her actions, making him forget about the painful memories.

Her eyes watered with every gag, but she didn't mind. She loved him. So much. She didn't care that her love for him was unrequited. She didn't care that he was just playing the role of a perfect husband only to make the marriage works. She wanted to stay by his side, supporting him, loving him, hoping that one day, he would love her back.

Afterwards, she held him close to her chest, stroking his white hair soothingly, placing a kiss on top of his head. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist, as if she was his sanctuary, his haven, his home.

On that night, for the first time in Kaneki's life, he felt as if someone really cared for him.

For once, he didn't feel like a monster anymore. For once, he wasn't afraid of the nightmares that occasionally haunted his sleepless nights.

For once, he felt safe. And for once, he felt... _loved_.


	13. One Year

If you like medieval settings go read Hang The Moon by Hamliet. She describes the settings very well! The Forgotten fic by her is my main inspiration for writing this story.

* * *

Touka woke up to see her husband's loving gaze on her, his lips curled into a soft smile as his fingers tucked her hair behind her ears, revealing both of her alluring eyes.

"Good morning, beautiful." Her cheeks instantly turned pink, how could he say that so boldly? But then again, what she did to him last night was even bolder. Her blush deepened, but gradually faded as she took in his features.

Seeing his bare left eye was still something new to her- the sclera was deep black, a huge contrast to the white one on his right eye. Nonetheless, she wasn't repelled by it. Her fingers traced the corner of his eye- he flinched at the contact, but didn't push her away, and remained motionless. Her hand then trailed lower, eventually cupping his cheek before her lips brushed against his, softly. They shared a heartfelt smile when she pulled away, but her hand remained where it was.

Kaneki placed his hand on top of hers, his eyes fluttering closed, enjoying the warmth of her hand on his cheek. In this moment, all he wanted was to stay like this forever. As if there was no one else in the world but the two of them. As if they weren't king and queen, but a normal couple with no responsibilities of ruling the kingdom. As if he wasn't dying, and able to grow old together with her.

He realised how those were just his wishful thinking, and will never come true no matter how much he wished for it. _Oh, how he wished for it._

"How was Re when I was unconscious?"

Touka seemed startled at his sudden question, breaking their peaceful silence abruptly. She opened her mouth to speak, but paused as she realised she had been a bad ruler in these few days.

She pushed herself up into a sitting position, her hands clenched into fists on her thighs. Her head bowed and her eyes downcast. He sat up directly in front of her but she was still staring at her fists.

"I'm sorry. I... I left Re matters to Tsukiyama."

"What? Why?" To her surprise, he didn't sound angry. In fact, he sounded like he was concerned.

"I didn't want to leave your side." She admitted shyly, the blush she had earlier starting to creep its way onto her cheeks again.

' _You didn't leave my side for four days?'_ Kaneki could feel his heart melted at her confession. What had he done in his life to be blessed with such a dedicated wife?

"But you have to, Touka. Regardless of my condition."

"I know. I know I should choose duty over feelings but- I wanted to be there when you woke up..."

He sighed lightly as his heart softened even more. He raised his hand and gave her head a gentle pat. This caused her to finally look at him.

"Silly Touka."

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright. But promise me that you will rule Re no matter what happened to me in the future. Okay?"

She nodded despite unwilling to. "Promise."

"That's my queen."

* * *

The news of Kaneki finally waking up brought relief to everyone in the castle.

They were getting worried as days passed by, but they could finally put it aside. Most of them adored Queen Touka's decision to stay by her husband's side instead of ruling the kingdom as there weren't many things that need attentive care from their rulers at the moment.

When Kaneki and Touka stepped into the throne chamber, everyone's eyes almost bulged out of their sockets at the lack of eyepatch on their king's face. The last time he displayed his left eye was before he got married- which was around a little over three months ago.

Only Tsukiyama dared to speak.

"My King! Your eyepatch-" Kaneki raised his hand, as if motioning, _don't speak any further_. The High Chancellor understood the message and decided not to press on it.

"What's the latest status of Re?"

Fuka stepped ahead to give his report.

"The fertilisers from Sunlit Garden Kingdom proved to be effective. The farmers are able to grow their crops again now. We don't have to provide them lunch again."

"That's good to hear. Continue supplying lunch for another two weeks, I want to ensure they are able to have a decent meal. Any other news?"

"They would like to show their gratitude to Queen Touka for providing them free lunch, they know Her Majesty loves rabbits so... they made this."

There was a glint in Touka's eyes as she stared at the gift. It was a playground made of wood and bamboos, consisted of a small hut with two holes for the rabbits to enter and exit, and there were two seesaws as well.

She didn't expect to receive such a lovely gift from the farmers she helped. It moved her heart deeply. She had never received any gifts from the people of Anteiku despite what she and Ayato had done for them. Kaneki noticed the tears she was holding, he gave her hand a light squeeze.

She looked at him softly before returning her gaze to Fuka.

"I love it, I really do. Please send my regards to them, and tell them I appreciate it, a lot."

"I will, Your Majesty."

After the meeting ended, Touka asked Shio, Rikai and Yusa to relocate the gift to her rabbit's cage, while Kaneki said he will join her in a while.

There were only him, Tsukiyama and Banjou inside the throne chamber.

"Did Kanou speak to both of you?"

"Yes, he did."

"And?" His stare was sharp and intimidating, like a predator watching his prey. He was expecting a direct and honest response from them.

"He gave us the latest report. You... I'm afraid you don't have much time left, Your Majesty."

"How long?" His voice seemed to crack a little, his grey eyes stricken with fear.

Tsukiyama exchanged look with Banjou momentarily before Kaneki repeated his question.

"How long?!" He almost snarled- his nose flared, and Tsukiyama knew better to answer his king immediately rather than delaying it any longer.

"One year, at most."

His eyes widened in immense shock at hearing the High Chancellor's words. He could have sworn his heart stopped beating for a moment, then pounding painfully loud in his chest that he could hardly breathe through the lump in his throat.

One year. One short year before his impending death.

12 months. 365 days. At most.

 _At most._

He could have died today, tomorrow, or next month. Only God knows when.

His head hung low, his teeth gritted in helpless frustration, his heart felt as if it was crushed into a million pieces- and it was painful. _So agonizingly painful._

The happiness he felt recently suddenly felt like a curse. As if he didn't deserve that happiness. As if he was punished for being happy.

' _I can't leave Touka alone. It's unfair to her.'_

"The eyepatch and _something else_ made your eye even worse, Your Majesty. You've been clawing at it again, haven't you?"

"O-only when I think of my mother. But, I think I'm alright now. Touka is... there for me. She- she said she accepts me for who I am. All of me. I- I-"

He stopped talking as realisation hit him.

He was using her, sacrificing her future just for the sake of his kingdom.

Why didn't he realise that sooner?

Wrong. He knew, but he didn't really care back then because previously, she was just his tool.

He did mention that he wanted to fall for her, but he was well aware that he had to sacrifice her eventually.

But now, it was different. He had fallen for her, he had come to care about her deeply. Remembering his purpose of marrying her shattered his heart.

Why was he so selfish?

Why didn't he think of it thoroughly?

Why didn't he just die before marrying her, so that she could have a better future?

A few black tears trickled down his face, his jaw clenched tightly as he saw tiny black splotches on the table.

"She deserves better. I can't sacrifice her life like this."

Tsukiyama gasped in shock at hearing his king's words.

"But My King! What about Re's future? Washuu and Pierrot will definitely try to conquer us. Blood will be spilled. Lives will be sacrificed. Your royal court members will either be banished or executed. Do you want to see that happen, Your Majesty?"

"But she- I'm burdening her with this role."

"That's the role that she has to take as a queen."

"I can't. She- I don't want her to be like my mother."

Tsukiyama's gaze turned softer at his king's confession. _'So that's what you're afraid of, My King?'_

"Queen Touka is different from your mother, Your Majesty. She loves you, so she will love having your child. And she loves Re. You're doing a great job in changing the way she rules."

There was a deafening silence stretched between them. Kaneki seemed dejected, his fingers rubbing his temple furiously.

"You have to choose, Your Majesty. One single life, or thousands of innocent lives?"

"I don't want to choose… She doesn't deserve this…"

"She'll understand, Your Majesty."

They remained silent until Kaneki broke it with a surprise question.

"Shall we do it? Shall we help Washuu in conquering V?"

This time, it was Banjou who gasped in shock.

"You want to have the surgery? But Kanou mentioned it's risky."

"It's better than not doing anything. I'm dying anyway. How worse can it be?" his eyes appeared lifeless as he spoke, as if he had lost any hope in his life.

"The lives of our soldiers are at stake, Your Majesty. V has a powerful army. King Tsuneyoshi wouldn't have asked for our help if they could defeat V themselves."

"If I died, not only our soldiers need to fight, but our people too. It's just as you said, Tsukiyama. Blood will be spilled. I can't let that happen." His thoughts went to his people- the farmers, the goatherds, the merchants, the craftsmen, the scholars. Amon, Akira, Saiko- they deserve to live. They deserve to have a promising future. _But Touka deserves a better future too._

"When are you planning to help Washuu?"

"After... At least after Touka's birthday. I'll talk to Tsuneyoshi when I'm in Aogiri."

"I see."

"Call Nishiki in."

The main knight of Re entered the throne chamber, surprised to be called in when they just held a court meeting half an hour ago.

"Yes, My King?"

"Prepare our army for war. We'll help Washuu in conquering V."

His brows furrowed in surprise and apprehension.

' _He's planning to have the surgery.'_

"But, Kimi- I mean, Kanou said that the surgery is risky."

"I _have_ to take the risk. I'm dying, Nishiki. This is my only chance."

The knight gritted his teeth. He knew this day would eventually come, but didn't expect that it would be so soon.

"I understand, Your Majesty. I will prepare our army. Shall I recruit new soldiers as well?"

"Yes. I need at least one thousand more." _'For future purposes, in case I died.'_ "Are you and Miza able to train them in a month?"

"You can count on us, Your Majesty."

* * *

"Hey." Kaneki greeted his wife as he stepped into the huge cage, her eyes lit up at seeing him. Shio, Rikai and Yusa stopped playing with the rabbits then walked away from them- to where Hirako was, to observe their queen from afar.

The gift was placed in the middle of the cage, and Mika was playing with the seesaw while Taka went inside the small hut. Maka, on the other hand, was sleeping peacefully.

"Look, Rika is pregnant!" Touka raised the fluffy white rabbit, showing its slight baby bump to Kaneki who was sitting next to her on the green grass.

His heart ached at the sight. It reminded him of his purpose of marrying her.

"Kaneki?"

She noticed the way he looked at her- it was different compared to this morning. As if he was guilty of something. But what? And why?

He took her hand in his, his thumb running over the back of her hand tenderly. Rika immediately hopped away to its new playground.

"Touka, do you regret marrying me?" He asked, his eyes serious but filled with pain, fear, and guilt.

"What's with the sudden question?"

"Answer me." He sounded so desperate, and it raised the confusion within her.

"No. I don't regret it." she simply answered.

"Why?"

Her eyes stared into his, as if searching for the reason behind his question. He looked so painful, as if he had done something terrible, seeking her forgiveness.

 _'Because I love you.'_ But should she say it? She was scared. Saying I love you to someone who didn't love you back would be pointless, humiliating, and heartbreaking. But she wanted him to know. She wanted to make him feel better. To stop looking so miserable and just be happy, at least for this moment.

So she kissed him. Her lips moved gently against his, then grew more passionate by the second, pouring her feelings into the kiss, conveying them, as if saying _'I love you, I'm here for you'_ through the kisses.

He whimpered as he felt it again. As if he was loved. As if he was wanted. He returned her kiss with equal passion but still felt the guilt, shame, and ache in his heart.

He didn't notice the tears falling from his eyes.

"Kaneki? Are you alright?" she asked as she pulled away, her thumbs wiping his tears. He held her wrists, his eyes fixated on her worried face- she was concerned about _him_.

She really looked like an angel. A beautiful angel. But soon he had to taint this angel. To make her bear his child. To ensure the line of Re succession continued. To ensure the lives of thousands of innocent people in Re stay protected.

He kissed her again, deeper this time, but more lovingly. Afterward, he pulled her onto his lap for a warm embrace- his arms wrapped securely around her waist, his face buried in her hair. They remained like that for a couple of peaceful minutes.

"I'm always here, Kaneki. You can talk about it if you want to, I'm all ears. But if you don't want to, then I hope my presence makes you feel better."

He tightened his embrace around her, as if holding on for his dear life. His jaw clenched painfully hearing her kind words.

' _You deserve a better future.'_

* * *

The journey to the Aogiri Kingdom took them almost three days. Touka hadn't been to Aogiri since six years ago, when her father was still alive, when she had her first dance with Kaneki- her crush back then, but her husband now.

There wasn't much difference compared to what she remembered. The smell of the moat was still nauseating, probably because it was almost summer season. The castle was old and battered but still appeared regal and strong nonetheless. The stone walls still maintained their grey colour, but there were decorations and flags everywhere- most likely due to the grand wedding ceremony tomorrow.

"Welcome, King Kaneki and Queen Touka. King Ayato will arrive tomorrow morning." Nico greeted them at the gatehouse, he was wearing a ridiculous outfit as usual.

"Who else has arrived?"

"Prince Koori and his wife, Princess Hairu arrived yesterday. Washuu family arrived last week, considering Prince Kishou will spend the rest of his life here after all."

Princess Eto is an only child, thus Prince Kishou will be the future king of Aogiri. It doesn't really matter as Prince Yoshitoki is the first son, the next heir in line for Washuu.

"Noro will bring you to your room. Please enjoy your stay in our castle, and let us know if you need anything." He winked at the one-eyed-King.

* * *

Their room was huge, probably due to Kaneki's status as a king. When she was still a princess, the room that was given to her was pretty small.

"We still have a few hours before the dinner, so... I would like to show you my favourite place in this castle."

"Favourite place? In _this_ castle?" she wondered, it didn't seem like there was any picturesque place in this castle.

"Sometimes I come here. Eto loves to write books and give them to us as presents."

"Us?"

"I mean, the Washuu heirs and me. They love to read. Kishou, Nimura, Rize. Kishou is not a talkative type, but he likes to give constructive criticism. So Eto does the writing, then Kishou voluntarily spends several weeks here just to review them. I think they got closer and fell in love with each other."

"So those books in your study chamber..."

"Yes. The books on the top shelf's author is Eto, and most of them are reviewed by Kishou. I'm surprised she didn't give us a book as our wedding gift." But she gave them red ginseng instead. _'What are you thinking, Eto? Do you take that much pleasure in teasing me?'_ He sighed. He would get his answer tomorrow.

* * *

They walked hand in hand to the corner of the castle until they were in front of a massive tree. Although it was old, it looked pretty sturdy. Thick roots seemed to have ripped from the ground, and there was a brown wooden ladder against the trunk.

"This tree is my favourite place. Look. There's a treehouse on top of it."

Touka looked up and saw a treehouse on top of the tree.

Who came up with the idea of building a treehouse in the corner of the castle area?

They climbed the wooden ladder and went inside the treehouse. It was a little bigger than she thought. Several glass bottles lined up at the corner of the room, there was a desk with several quills and papers on it beside the bottles. Opposite the desk was a small couch, facing the open window. She wondered who used this treehouse as it seemed very well-kept.

Looking at the quills and papers, suddenly- an idea came to her mind.

"Let's write a letter to each other."

Kaneki blinked in confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"Let's write a future letter. We write things we want to say to each other, then we'll read them in the future. We place them inside the bottle here, and then bury them near the tree roots."

"Why can't we just say it now?"

"Come on, Kaneki. Is there anything that you want to share with me, but you're not ready to? In the future, maybe you are. So, why don't we write it down first?"

She had to do this. There were so many things she wanted to tell him but didn't have the courage to. Hopefully, after writing the letter, she would have the courage to tell him directly.

She determined not to read his letter during this visit _no matter how tempted she was_.

"When will the future be?" His face stricken, he wanted to read the letter from his wife before he died.

"Hmm... Aogiri Grand Ball is held once per 10 years, am I correct? Since the last ball was held six years ago, then the next one will be in four years. What do you think?"

His face turned as white as his hair, his heart twisted in pain and misery in his chest.

' _Four years... I don't have that much time... I won't have the chance to read her letter...'_ he bit his lower lip so hard that it almost shed blood.

"Okay. Four years is fine." His hand brushed his chin as he nodded, trying his best to smile at her. Touka noticed his actions- his lying gesture and his fake smile made her felt unease.

She was about to say something but he already held a piece of paper in his hand, placing it at the corner of the desk. He pulled the chair and sat down, his hand began to write. She gave in, and proceeded to do the same thing.

He determined. That night, he would have a meeting with Tsuneyoshi regarding V and his surgery, and then return to this place to read her letter.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Until I graduate in July, please expect slow updates. Working from 9 to 6 on the weekdays then studying during night time and weekends really makes me tired. I'm only able to write this because of Chinese New Year holiday (Happy New Year btw!). But I'll try my best to write whenever I have time. Thank you so much for your patience, and for the continuous support!


	14. Confession

Geraze90 pointed out about calling Kaneki His Highness, when it's supposed to be His Majesty. I'm sorry for my limited knowledge. I have amended every chapter. Everyone will call Touken His/Her/Your Majesty now :)

Also, I've fixed some of the grammatical errors from chapter 1 to 13. It's not perfect, but at least it's much better now. For existing readers- especially those who have been following this for months- thank you so much for still reading this even when the grammar was (and still is) super bad. *hugs

* * *

A knock on the door startled the married couple- Kaneki's back was resting against the headboard, reading one of Eto's books from the castle's library to Touka, who was leaning against his shoulder- listening to his words attentively. He chose the book with the most complex sentences, intending to make her sleep earlier that night so that he could have his meeting with King Tsuneyoshi in secret, then read her letter afterwards.

They stared at the door for a split second, then at each other, with confusion on their faces. They weren't expecting any visitors as they were in Aogiri kingdom after all.

"I wonder who that is..." Touka proceeded to open the door, while Kaneki put on his eyepatch. He would only show his eye to the people in Re, so he always wore an eyepatch whenever he left his kingdom.

Touka almost screamed at the sight of her only brother in front of her.

"Ayato!" She immediately wrapped her arms around him, holding him as tightly as possible. Seeing him safe and sound, in good health, made her relieved beyond words.

Ayato returned her hug and nodded slightly towards Kaneki, his way of greeting him. Deep inside, he was still not fond of his brother-in-law for taking two of the most important people in his life from him.

"Nico said you'll be arriving tomorrow?" Touka asked as she pulled away, taking in his features. He seemed somewhat tired, not just physically but mentally as well.

"It's rare for us to meet each other these days, so I planned to arrive as fast as I can." Touka just pinched his nose at hearing his answer.

"I'll leave the two of you alone." Kaneki said, preparing to leave the room.

"But-"

"It's alright. I'll just get some fresh air." He smiled warmly at her, his hand brushed his chin but she paid no heed to his gesture.

Once he left, the siblings sat on the chair at the small table, and Touka poured hot water and some tea leaves into two empty cups.

"Thanks for sending back the assassin."

' _Oh.'_ She recalled the assassin from last month, she would have died if Shio wasn't there.

"Have you... executed him?" She remembered how much she wanted him to die back then. But these days she had been joining the court meetings with Kaneki more frequently, and she adored his decision making very much. He wasn't a ruthless king at all- unlike her- and it made her heart softened even more.

"Why don't you see it yourself?" Ayato smirked, patiently waiting for her to understand his words.

"See..." she paused, and then let out a shocked gasp. "You don't mean-?"

"Yeah. His dead body is displayed in the middle of the town. Quite bloody, I may say. Everyone should get the message by now." _Never try to assassinate the royal family._

"Ayato..." her face fell, she had mixed feelings about this. Three months ago, maybe she would have agreed to Ayato's method of handling this, but now? She didn't feel morally good about her brother's decision.

Had Kaneki changed her that much?

"Ayato, listen. You need to learn from Kaneki."

"…What? Are you kidding me? Why would I learn from that half-assed bastard?" He had the biggest scowl on his face, clearly showing disapproval.

"I know you're not fond of him, but he's a great ruler. He rarely executes prisoners. I went to the market with him, he received a warm welcome from everyone. And he received gifts too. A lot of them. Even _I_ got gifts as well."

The scowl remained on his face as she continued.

"Do you remember how it was when we were in the market? The people kneeled down and bowed, they were afraid of us. When father was the king, they weren't like that-"

"There you go comparing me to father again! I'm sick of this!" He yelled, his fist slamming on the table.

"Ayato, I- I didn't mean to- I just want you to become a better ruler-"

"So you're saying I'm a bad ruler?"

"No- of course not. You're doing great. But at least, you need to make our people not afraid of us."

"If they're not afraid of us, they will do whatever the hell they want to. You were the one who taught me this. Don't you remember?"

Of course she remembered. She was terrified to lose her family again. Hence, she created these rules, just to protect him, her only brother.

She sighed, feeling defeated. Ayato sipped his tea to calm himself. The cup was pretty small for his liking.

"I know it will be hard for you to change your way of ruling, especially since you've been doing this for six years now. So I have another plan to make Anteiku citizens not afraid of their rulers."

"And that is?" He asked before taking the final sip of his tea.

"On your behalf, I asked Hinami's hand for marriage-"

He choked, spluttering tea everywhere on the table. It was an unpleasant sight for a king.

He wiped his mouth hastily with his handkerchief.

"YOU- WHAT?!" His cheeks went red, he was blushing furiously.

"You love her. So I'm killing two birds with one stone here."

The redness on his cheeks quickly spread to his whole face. His feelings were too obvious now.

"I- but she-"

"Don't worry. She hasn't given me the answer yet. You're not angry, are you?" Smirking teasingly, she set her elbow on the table and rested her cheek on her hand, looking up at her flushed brother. He seemed embarrassed by her question, and also by what he was going to answer.

"...No." He mumbled _very_ quietly, it didn't even reach whisper level. Touka heard it- of course, but decided to tease him more.

"I can't hear you~"

"I said NO, stupid aneki!" She laughed, satisfied with her teasing. After a while, he laughed too, though his face was still red. He missed his sister so badly. She was always there to help him make decisions. But after she left, he had to decide everything alone. Sure, he had Knight Yoshimura and Duke Renji to guide him but in the end, it was him who had to give the final words.

"I missed you." He blurted out without even realising it. "I mean, you were always there- but now-"

She tousled his hair, half smiling, "I missed you too, silly brother."

He closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch. His sister was always there for him, protecting him, making sure he was safe, and happy. _Happy_. She asked Hinami's hand for marriage not only to make the citizens of Anteiku not afraid of them, but because she was thinking of his happiness as well. He pressed his lips together. He wanted her to be happy too.

"Are you happy?" He asked, his eyes looked hopeful, his voice serious yet concerned.

The smile on her face disappeared instantly. She opened her mouth to answer, but paused, taking a sip of her tea before answering him.

"I… I am happy. I think so."

His eyes narrowed.

" _You think so?_ Did he make you cry?"

"What? No. He's very kind, and gentle. Just like how he was back then." She stared at the wall across her, her eyes... they seemed... _sad_. "You were right, Ayato. I never stopped loving him."

"Does he love you?"

"Of- Of course." She lied, not wanting her brother to worry about her marriage.

"Are you sure?" He didn't seem convinced at all. He knew how much she loved that half-assed bastard.

' _If that bastard doesn't even love her_...' His insides boiled indignantly at the thought.

"Are you saying I'm delusional?"

"Well, you have loved him for a long time and- where's your rabbit hair stick?!" Shock plastered across his face. His sister cherished her birthday present from that bastard so much that it was unusual to see her hair without her precious accessory.

"I left it in Re. It's alright, don't worry too much about me."

"When you said it like that, I'm becoming more worried, you know. You're the only family I have left."

She smiled softly at him before pinching his cheeks to lighten up the mood. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to be bullied by her. It reminded him of the old days.

"I'm fine, really. Let's talk about other things. How's Anteiku? How's everyone?"

He started to get annoyed when she changed the topic, purposely avoiding his earlier question. However, he gave in, and decided to see for himself the next day. He had seen the look in Koma's full of love eyes staring at Irimi. Thus, he decided to be an observer tomorrow- during the wedding and the dancing session- to observe the look on the half-assed bastard's eyes to see if he truly loved his sister.

* * *

Kaneki entered a small meeting room located not far from the main hall. Tsuneyoshi, Yoshitoki, Kishou, and Nimura were already in the room- waiting for him.

"What would you like to talk about, King Kaneki?" Tsuneyoshi started.

"I... I agree. I'll help you to conquer V."

Kaneki was expecting more reactions from them, but they remained calm, as if they were expecting this.

"Kanou told us that you only have one year left. Desperate, aren't you?" Nimura grinned, his eyes mocking the one-eyed-King.

Before Kaneki could even counter, Tsuneyoshi asked another question- not wanting to rile up the conversation even further.

"When are you planning to help us? We need to prepare our army first. V is powerful, I am sure you are well aware of that."

"Of course. How long do you need then?"

"Will two months be alright?" Kaneki furrowed his eyebrows, performing some sort of calculation in his mind.

' _Two months seem too long but... this is my only chance.'_

"...Alright. After that, can I have my surgery?"

"If you didn't die on the battlefield, then yes."

"Nimura, silence."

"I'm sorry, Father."

"Let's make an agreement. In case... _accidents_ happened."

Everyone was well aware of what Kaneki meant by 'accidents'. Despite their offers to help, he didn't fully trust them. Washuu, especially Tsuneyoshi had been trying to conquer Re ever since Kaneki's father, King Keiji was still alive. After he died, the army of Re that was left behind was still very powerful despite the absence of their king. Nishiki's father protected Re from many attacks, and he did a very great job- an _honourable_ job- as he sacrificed his last breath protecting the kingdom.

"Of course. You have the rights to state your terms. Let's hold a meeting next month to discuss them."

"I agree with that. Thank you." They both stared at each other with sharp gazes and indecipherable expressions before Kaneki proceeded to take his leave.

The Washuu royal family stayed, having a conspiratorial discussion of their own.

"He's aware of our plan to kill him during the surgery but he still wants to have it. What a naive guy!" Nimura was the first one to break the silence.

"I don't think we can kill him that easily... he will include a lot of rules in the agreement. Something like, we can't conquer Re if he died."

"What if I marry Touka?"

"She had been turning you down each year for seven consecutive years. What makes you think she will accept you?" Matsuri glared at his uncle, tired of his comical attitude.

"My new hairstyle? It's quite similar to hers now."

"In your dreams."

"Don't speak to your uncle like that, he's a fragile being!" Nimura defended himself, and Matsuri almost rolled his eyes. _Almost._

"Father." Kishou spoke for the first time ever since he entered the room. Everyone stared at the bride-to-be, waiting for his words.

"May I offer a suggestion?"

* * *

The black lampposts illuminated the path as Kaneki made his way to the treehouse, digging the soil to retrieve the glass bottle in order to read his wife's letter.

He was absolutely desperate. He needed to survive the surgery, but he wasn't convinced if Washuu would even let him stay alive. But he was dying anyway, there was nothing else he could do but hope that they would be lenient towards him- to perform the surgery on him properly, and not killing him.

He unplugged the cork and retrieved her letter into his hand. The lampposts and the moon were bright enough for him to be able to read her small handwriting.

 _Dear Kaneki,_

 _By the time you read this, I hope we're still together, and our marriage is going even stronger. I hope we have at least a prince or a princess in our castle. I hope Re is fine, both the kingdom and the people. I hope I am able to call you by your first name too. So how are things going now? Do my wishes become true? I hope they do._

 _The purpose of writing this letter is to tell things that we're not ready to tell each other... well, I have a lot. Which is why I suggested it in the first place._

 _First of all, I've forgiven you for my father's death. I know it's not your fault- I just needed someone to blame for. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable, or feeling guilty. My dad admired you, and so do I. You were so kind. A bit reserved, but always willing to help others. Before I knew it, I fell hard for you. Yes, I've loved you for a long time, Kaneki. Ever since I was 15. Coming back here in Aogiri reminds me of our first dance. I bet you can't even remember it. I've already fallen for you during that time. But you were clueless, of course. You were so busy trying to get Rize's attention. She's beautiful. She loves to read too. And she danced so gracefully with you on that night. Your eyes shone whenever you were with her. Your eyes- they only see her. There was no spot for me. I- I was jealous of her. I felt stupid. Why did I fall for someone who didn't even love me? How naive I was back then._

 _But looking back at those times, I didn't think it was real. It was just a stupid crush. I didn't really know how it felt like to truly love someone. Were my feelings for you love, or just mere crush? But after our marriage, I realised that I was slowly falling for you. This time, it's real._

 _Your eye doesn't bother me at all. Your past mistake doesn't define who you are. It was an accident, and you deserve so much more, Kaneki. Allow me into your life, into your heart. Let me love you._

 _Do you remember the rabbit hair stick that you gave to me as my birthday present seven years ago? I wore it every single day since then. But I don't wear it anymore ever since our marriage. I was afraid. I didn't want my feelings to be obvious. So I kept it inside my makeup box. I miss wearing it. I always felt like something was missing on my head ever since we're married. Maybe one day I'll wear it again. Maybe I'm already wearing it every day by the time you read this letter. Who knows?_

 _Ever since you teased my eye makeup earlier this month, I've been asking the servant to apply makeup to both of my eyes now. But of course you don't realise it. I'm hiding that eye from the world. But I want to look beautiful for you. You always said that I'm beautiful. But am I, really? I always thought Rize is more beautiful than me. If she wasn't in love with someone else, would you still choose me? Of course you wouldn't. You don't have to fulfil my father's request, but you did. For that, I'm glad. Even though you don't love me, it's alright. I'll wait. Say, do you love me, now? After four years of marriage, if you still don't love me, I will be really sad. Even now, it hurts. Seeing you trying your best to make me happy when you don't even love me. It hurts, Kaneki. You're too kind. Please, I want you to do things because you want to, not because you have to._

 _I know you don't love me and I don't want to get my hopes up but, sometimes I don't know anymore. Sometimes I can see it from your eyes that you might feel the same way. Your kisses and your touch are always so gentle as if I'm a fragile being. You make me feel as if I'm so precious, I feel loved whenever you showered me with your affections. But I'm not sure. You're always so kind. What if I interpreted it wrongly? What if those actions were fake? What if you were just acting as a perfect husband to make our marriage work?_

 _That's why I could never tell you about my feelings openly. I'm sorry. I really hope by the time you read this, I could confirm my doubts. Hopefully, the feelings are mutual by then. But this is why we're writing our letters. To tell each other about things that we're not ready to tell. So I'm going to say this again._

 _I love you._

 _My love for you is not because you're a king- or because of your wealth, or your fame. I love you for who you are, Kaneki Ken. Your kind soul. Your caring personality. Your gentle affection. Your warm smile. You were very patient in teaching me everything I need to know about Re. You know I hate reading, so you read each word just for me. You were full of surprises sometimes. I never thought I could see my rabbits every day, but you made it possible. You made me feel safe, even until this day I still think it's unnecessary to have three royal bodyguards, but you did it to ensure my safety. You kept your promise. You had your meal with me and took care of me when I was recovering from my injury even though the servants could do it. Whenever I felt insecure, you would always give me assurance, calming me down with your warmth. Your hand intertwined with mine whenever possible, and your arm always wrapped around me when we sleep. Every time you kissed me, I felt butterflies in my stomach. But you always stopped halfway, holding yourself back. Is it wrong if I want more? You tried your best to make me a better ruler compared to how I was in Anteiku. I learned a lot from you, and I wish Ayato could learn from you too. Thank you so much, Kaneki. For your hard efforts. I can never pinpoint at which exact moment that I fell for you. I just... did._

 _I will do my best to be a good wife to you, and a good mother to our children. My father used to tell me that love is loyalty, support, trust, responsibility, and protection. I'll stay by your side, supporting you, ruling Re with you, be with you during the good and the bad times. Even if you were not a king anymore, even if Re was conquered by some other kingdoms and we were banished to somewhere and forced to be paupers, I will always stay by your side. I will never leave you. I promise._

 _I know you're hiding something from me- my heart could tell- and truthfully it hurts, a lot. It hurts a lot, Kaneki. More than you can imagine. I want to be the person you confide in, your trust advisor. How can we be husband and wife if you don't trust me?_ _All your pain, all your secrets. Please, let me share your burden. I'm here for you. And I won't judge you. I'll trust each of your decision. And I will support them. Support you. I want to protect you- not just physically, but emotionally as well. I will continue to calm you whenever you have nightmares. I will hold your hand whenever you're trembling. I want to be your home. Somewhere you return to. Somewhere you feel safe._

 _I'm going to say this again, so please engrave it into your heart._

 _I love you._

 _I love you._

 _I love you._

 _Will all my heart, body and soul._

 _What I'm saying is real, Kaneki. So please, don't have doubts towards me. Don't think lowly of yourself. You're a precious human who deserves so much love, and I'm one of the people who love you._

 _I wish we have a long life filled with immense happiness, together._

 _With love,_

 _Kaneki Touka._

 _June 23_ _rd_ _, 1409_

Tears spilled endlessly from Kaneki's eyes as he read her letter, his body trembled slightly. He knew that she cared for him, but not to this extent. This, was too much. To be able to know her feelings, how much she cared for him, how loved he was- it was too much. It was unbearable for his fragile heart. He continued to weep, his hand clutching the letter, his body trembled even more.

She loved him. Despite his flaws. His gruesome eye. His past crime. His unstable mental health.

She loved him. Not because of his wealth. Nor his power. Nor his status. But his patience. His kindness. His caring personality. His affections.

She loved him for who he is.

Being abused and tortured by his mother in his childhood, he just wanted to be needed by someone- to be loved and to be treated as a normal person, not as a king. Which was why he treasured Hide so much. But after his best friend's death, he lost his reason to live. He believed no one would ever love him for who he is. Even when Tsukiyama told him about Touka's feelings, he believed that she loved him only because of his status as a king.

But he was wrong.

He was _so_ wrong.

She loved him, for who he is.

His tears spilled even more, both the black and crystal clear liquid streaming down his cheeks and onto the letter. His heart ached at the sight of the black splotches, and he choked another sob.

Would she still love him once she found out about his dying condition? Would she stay by his side until he dies? Would she accept the role of ruling the kingdom alone, and perhaps- raising an heir alone? Would she?

His jaw clenched painfully as he couldn't find the answer to those questions. Deep inside, he wished for her to stay, to accept him even after she found out about his disease. But he didn't have the courage to tell her. He knew that he should tell her about it as soon as possible, it was unfair to her if he kept on hiding it, but he was scared. He was _so_ scared.

But after reading her letter, maybe he could finally tell her. Maybe she won't hate him. Maybe she would still love him despite his lies, despite his short lifespan. She did mention in the letter that she would never leave him, didn't she?

No. He couldn't. It was too risky.

His kingdom needs him. If she left, and he died, there would be no hope for Re. Blood will be spilled when other kingdoms fight against each other to possess his land, his goats, and his people. He couldn't let that happen. No matter what, he had to sacrifice his wife's happiness for the sake of his kingdom. His heart clenched with pain at how selfish he was for making this unfair decision.

When he returned to their guest room, she was hugging his pillow like she always did whenever he went to bed late. A warm smile graced his face, his eyes fluttered towards her fondly. He had forgotten about his selfish decision earlier, only the thoughts of her occupying his mind.

 _She loved him._

Slowly, he retrieved his pillow and lay next to her, like he always did.

His ran his fingers through her hair- marvelling at the silky texture, the light blue colour and the sweet scent of lavender that seemed to magnify as he leaned in closer, closer, flooding all of his senses. His lips found her forehead, planting a gentle kiss there as his hand cupped her cheek. He stroked his thumb over her cheekbone lightly as he took in her features. Long, lush eyelashes. Soft lips, parted slightly. Her cute button nose. She looked beautiful, and he felt as if he didn't deserve to be loved by her. But she still loved him nonetheless, and this fact made his heart swell with indescribable emotion.

As he held her close- his hand rubbing her back soothingly, the drumbeat of her heart performing a steady rhythm against his chest, only a single thought ran in his mind before he fell into a deep slumber.

' _I love you too._ '

* * *

Nimura tiptoed towards the large tree carefully, making sure no one saw him. He was actually on his way to the treehouse when he saw the one-eyed-King reading something that seemed like a letter, and heard his cries. He bawled like a baby, which brought amusement to Nimura's ears.

He dug the same spot, found the glass bottle he was looking for and unplugged the cork immediately. The glass bottle contained two letters- addressed to Kaneki Ken and Touka respectively.

Without further ado, he unfolded both of the letters and read the contents. The letter addressed to Kaneki was damp due to his tears and some of the words were blurry, but still readable despite several black splotches staining the letter.

"So you haven't told your wife that you're dying huh… can't wait to see her reaction when I tell her about it tomorrow." He grinned, maniacally.


	15. Lies

It was such a lovely day for a special occasion. The scorching sun was partially obscured by the clouds, shading the trees that stood along the border of the huge castle garden. As it was the beginning of the summer season, the leaves on the trees were still green, as green as the hair of the bride for today's wedding ceremony.

Eto held out her hand as her bridegroom, Kishou placed a ring on her finger. She smiled cheekily as she stared at the heart diamond ring before she slid a simple white wedding band on his finger. They shared a sweet kiss afterwards, sounds of applaud were heard across the garden.

She was already an attractive woman to begin with, but with the long, white dress that flared after her hips- accentuating her curves and the heavy yet didn't look overdid makeup on her face, she looked gorgeous. The big pearls on her earrings and necklace were just to make her look more mature due to her small figure.

Kishou, on the other hand, wore a white tunic, with a leather belt in the middle and a black tailcoat with gold-coloured design to complete the look. Regardless of the height difference between them, as they stood side by side, arms snaked around each other, giving off a small smile to the crowd, no words could describe how perfect they looked as a couple.

The feast lasted for hours before they gathered in the main hall, where the dancing activity was held. The newlywed couple danced, and others followed after them. The hall was big enough to allow all the royal couples who attended the ceremony to dance at the same time. Prince Matsuri and Princess Iyo. Prince Koori and Princess Hairu. King Kaneki and Queen Touka. Knight Uta and Princess Itori. And a lot of other couples from other kingdoms across the region.

Ayato, however, felt so isolated. He wasn't the only one who wasn't dancing, but looking at the dancing couples all around him made him feel completely alone. Maybe it was time for him to get a queen. Maybe he should hope that Hinami would accept the proposal. His cheeks reddened at the thoughts. Why did his sister go through all the troubles just to propose to his sweetheart crush on his behalf?

' _Stupid aneki, I don't need your help.'_

The sound of familiar laughter made him avert his gaze to its source- where he saw his sister giggling happily when his half-assed bastard brother-in-law twirled her around before she ended up in his arms again. Ayato observed Kaneki's eyes and gestures, remembering his plan last night to see if the bastard truly loved his sister.

He sipped his wine, he could barely process the taste on his tongue as he gave a sharp, hard stare towards the dancing couple. He observed them for five long minutes. Kaneki's gaze was even stronger than Koma's, and he occasionally kissed his wife's forehead, or stroked her cheek lovingly, which made her flushed at the public display of affection. But despite that, both of them seemed very happy and very much in love with each other.

Ayato ended his night early by leaving the main hall with a soft smile on his face, satisfied with what he saw.

* * *

"May I have a dance with your husband?" Eto asked Touka as she smiled sweetly, but it was a little too sweet as if she was faking it.

Touka stared at the bride for a couple of seconds before turning her gaze to her husband. She didn't seem too happy, but she knew he would accept the dance anyway, so she nodded without saying anything.

"I'll be back." He gave her a peck on the cheek which caused her to blush slightly. Eto smirked as she witnessed the sweet affection occuring in front of her. After years of knowing the one-eyed-King, she could never imagine him displaying his feelings so openly.

Touka wasn't left alone for a long time as Nimura immediately approached her afterwards, as if in queue.

"I would like to have a word with you, Touka-chan. Or, is it Queen Touka now? My bad. I apologise." He grinned while bowing, she almost rolled her eyes watching his overdramatic action.

"There's nothing to talk about." She said, looking bored.

"Oh yes, there are a lot of things we could talk about. And I'm sure you will be interested in them."

"No, I won't be." She turned her gaze towards Eto who was dancing a little bit too close with her husband. But despite the closeness, his expression was too serious, as if he was interrogating her.

"Oh. Don't you want to know something about your husband?" Touka's ears perked up instantly, her head turned towards the cunning prince whose lips were spread in a sly smile.

* * *

"Congratulations on your wedding." Kaneki congratulated Eto, she placed her hand on his shoulder, while her other hand intertwined with his as they danced gracefully with each other.

"Thank you. Did you like my gift? I chose the best quality of red ginseng specifically for you and Queen Touka."

"I haven't used them." He answered plainly.

"Hm? Why? I tried it on Kishou one day, and guess what?" Her hand moved to touch her flat belly as she smiled. "I end up getting pregnant."

His eyes widened in realisation. "So that's why you-"

"Correct. He's such a gentleman, asking me to hold the wedding sooner so that no one could see my bulging stomach on our wedding day. He wants to avoid rumours as best as he could."

"He's a good man."

"Indeed. You should use it soon, you know? To save your kingdom." She winked.

"How do you-?" His brows furrowed hearing her words. "Kishou told you?"

She chuckled, her eyes appeared mischievous.

"Well, you can say so." She smiled deviously while watching the source of her information lead Touka away from the hall, towards the balcony.

* * *

"What is it?" Touka crossed her arms over her chest, impatient with what Nimura was planning to tell her. Ever since seven years ago, he had been proposing to her every single year. And she declined him every single time because Washuu families were always known to be cunning and would do anything to expand their territory. She was worried if he would kill Ayato afterwards, making him the new ruler of Anteiku.

"Have you seen your husband's left eye?" Her eyebrow raised at the ridiculous question.

"Of course."

"Hideous, isn't it?" A disgust expression displayed across his face, but she just gritted her teeth.

"Kaneki Ken is perfect in his own way, so if you dare calling _my husband_ or any of his features hideous again- I don't care if you're a Prince from another kingdom- I _will_ cut your tongue off." She warned him, but he seemed unfazed.

"Oooh~ Scary~"

Annoyed, she turned on her heels to leave.

"If there's nothing else-"

"If you cut my tongue off, how are we going to communicate once we're married?" She stopped on her track, turning around and stared blankly at him as confusion slowly etched on her face.

"What are you talking about? Why would I marry you? I'm already married."

"Oh my, Kaneki didn't tell you this?"

"...Tell me what?"

He let out an exaggerated fake gasp. It was so fake, she could've rolled her eyes if it wasn't about her husband. But she held back, and waited for his response.

"Don't you know? Wow, he's very good at hiding secrets."

"What secrets? Spill them out!"

"My, my. Don't be so feisty, Touka-chan. You're making me like you even more."

"Stop being so disgusting."

"I'll tell you. But not everything is free, you know?" He winked at her with a smug on his face.

"What do you want?" She started to get impatient with him.

"Hmm..." He placed his hand on his chin as if he was in a deep thought, "A kiss?"

"Wanna die?" Despite being a queen, the glare that she was giving him was deadly, she didn't care about their ranks at all.

"Ouch, I'm hurt." His hand clutched the front of his tunic melodramatically as if his heart was broken by her.

"Look, if you're just messing around-"

"How irony of you to ask me to die, Touka-chan." His expression changed drastically, he was grinning ear to ear now, the cunning vibe appeared more prominently by the second.

"Why?" His expression made her felt unease, as if what she was about to hear would change her life forever.

"Because the one who's dying is... _your husband_."

Time seemed to stop entirely as soon as the words left his mouth. Even her breathing seemed to stop too as she felt her body tensed, unmoved, no- she couldn't move at all. The sounds of the couples dancing in the main hall were deafened. Only the echoes of her own heartbeat were heard as her mind was heavily focused on processing the words she had just heard.

"What..?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"He's dying." The maniacal grin never left his face.

"You're joking."

"He's dying, Touka-chan. He only has a year to live. You think he married you because he loves you? Hah! So naive! You're wrong. You're just a tool to him. He needs you to bear his child so that Re won't be attacked by other kingdoms once he died. Because any kingdom can claim over an heirless one. That's why he married you. You're the chosen puppet to fulfil his selfish goal."

"You- you're lying."

"Why would I? Our Kanou is the one who treats him. That's why he always visits our kingdom. To have his check-ups."

Waves of realisation hit her. Kaneki went to Washuu Kingdom a month after their marriage. And when he was unconscious recently, Kanou was the one who treated him. The doctor didn't ask much, as if he was already familiar with his patient.

"No. No, no, no!" Her breath slightly ragged, her heartbeat started to pump faster. Her eyes were unfocused as more evidence flashed across her mind. She gripped the balcony rail so tightly, her knuckles almost turned white as she felt her knees weakening.

"Yes, yes, yes. He had a meeting with us last night, saying he wants to help us conquering V so that he can have his surgery."

She wanted to accuse the prince of lying but after putting things together, she knew that he was right.

Why Kaneki always talked as if he was going to die soon.

Banjou's plead to let him feel loved.

Kanou's familiarity with him.

The promises he asked her to keep.

His hand on his chin last night.

Each one of those led her back to that single truth.

' _Now everything makes sense.'_

She remembered the sadness in Kimi's eyes. Or Hinami's. Or Tsukiyama's. Or anyone's in the castle as they looked at her.

' _They knew. They all knew!'_

Her heart beat so loudly against her chest as if threatening to burst any moment.

Kaneki. Dying. One year to live.

She- just a tool to him.

Everything was too much to absorb.

"You seem very shocked. I'm not surprised. Say, are you pregnant right now? If you are, it means his goal has been accomplished. Because he only married you for that sole reason."

"Shut up." She muttered quietly as a surge of emotions overwhelmed her, hit her like a tidal wave.

"What? I can't hear you, Touka-chan~"

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

She stormed away, and she ran, as fast as she could, away from the main hall, away from everyone. She cried- anger, pain, sadness, betrayed- they were all piled up inside her. How foolish she was. Three months, he had lied to her for three long months, using her to gain his own goal. All his actions- teaching her about Re, making her happy, taking care of her, _touching_ her, they were all lies. Lies. Lies! And she was foolish enough to fall for those lies. She was foolish enough to fall in love deeply. She was foolish enough for planning to stay by his side forever, when he was just using her all this time.

* * *

When Kaneki returned to their guest room, Touka was lying on the bed, facing the wall with her back facing him.

"Touka, I heard you left the hall early. Are you not feeling well?" he sat on the bed, feeling her forehead with the back of his hand.

' _This is just an act. You're just acting. You don't even care about me.'_

"Hmm... seems fine. Do you need anything?" His voice sounded worried, she would have believed him if she didn't know the truth.

"I'm fine. I'm just- tired."

"Really?"

She nodded once, still facing the wall.

"Okay." He brushed her blue hair with his fingers, they had gotten longer now. He could see her profile from his spot, her eyelashes seemed long, accentuated by her slightly pouted lips. She was undeniably beautiful even from this angle, and the words from her letter flashed through his mind.

 _I want to look beautiful for you._

He sighed lightly, she was already very beautiful to him, ever since he saw her on their wedding day months ago.

"You're beautiful, Touka."

Her eyes widened, but her heart ached painfully hearing his words.

' _Liar.'_

He lay beside her, his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer as he breathed in her lavender scent. His planted a small kiss on the back of her neck, which made her tense up instinctively. His hand found hers, and he held it tightly, rubbing his thumb over the back of it.

"Today's wedding was lovely, it reminds me of ours. Do you feel the same?" When she didn't say anything, he continued.

"I... I want to say thank you, for accepting me. These three months... they are the happiest moments in my life. You were always there for me. Every time I woke up from having nightmares, I was already in your arms. You would soothe me and hold me close. You made me feel _loved_." He trembled slightly, his hand holding hers even tighter.

"You accept me for who I am and I- I am very lucky to have you as my wife. I'm sorry for taking so long to tell you this, but I..." There was a long pause, he took a deep breath before continuing, his face buried in her silky hair, "I love you, Touka." His eyes closed, and he felt her shudder against him.

Her eyes brimmed with tears hearing his confession.

' _Lies. You're lying. You don't love me. You're just using me.'_

If she didn't know the truth, she would have said she loved him too.

But how could she? When their marriage was based on lies?

She turned around so that they were lying side by side, facing each other directly.

"Why are you crying?" Worried spread all over his face seeing her cry at his confession.

"I'm- I'm so happy." She forced herself to reply. There was no hint of happiness displayed on her face but she smiled anyway, not wanting to worry him.

"Silly Touka." He lifted her chin up with his fingers, kissing her tears away, but she just sobbed even louder at his kind act. He pulled away slightly, his hands cupped her cheeks, trying his best to wipe the tears away from her beautiful face. Her shaky hands held his wrists, her eyes- they seemed hurt. But why? Seeing her cry made his heart wrench. He wanted to make her happy, to see her smile- especially when it had been a lovely day as they had just witnessed a beautiful wedding earlier.

And she witnessed him dancing gracefully with the bride.

"What's wrong? Is it because of Eto?"

She snorted. He heard her doing that numerous times ever since their marriage, but this time, it felt as if she was mocking him.

"No. It's not because of her. Don't worry, I'm just- too happy."

"Really?" His eyes gazing deep into hers, seeking confirmation. She nodded, and smiled, weakly.

"I love you." He whispered, his thumbs wiping her tears one last time before he leaned in, capturing her lips with his. He kissed her gently, so gently, conveying his feelings into the kiss. Her sniffles and soft gasps mixed together- his tongue seeking hers as the kiss turned deeper, his hands desperate to feel more of her soft skin. At that moment, he _knew_ he needed to pull away, like he always did.

 _Every time you kissed me, you always stopped halfway, holding yourself back._

He paused, the words from her letter crossed his mind again.

 _Is it wrong if I want more?_

He had always held himself back from advancing towards her, because he was scared of proceeding further- consummating their marriage. But after reading her letter last night, knowing that she loved him for who he was, that she wanted more than just a kiss- he felt as if he was given the permission to proceed further, and it made his heart ached at the thoughts.

' _Are you sure you want more, Touka?'_

Gently, he pushed her down onto her back, hovering over her. His eyes darkened slightly as he stared at her parted, swollen lips. Gathering up his courage, he wasted no time exploring her mouth again as his hands moved to her breasts, squeezing them lightly, letting her know his intention.

He was anxious, it hurt him to do this to her, as he had another purpose to fulfil. But he had to, to save his kingdom.

And because he wanted to.

With her.

She gasped loudly at the contact, and immediately pushed his hands away. His eyes widened, clearly taken aback by her action.

"Are you... are you still on your- uh..."

 _Period._

"No, but- I'm sorry, I'm- tired."

He was stunned for a moment, but sighed in relief afterwards.

"It's alright. I'll wait." He gave her a tender smile - _which she didn't return_ \- before his lips rested on her forehead for a lingering moment.

That night, her back was against him while his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

Her silent cries went unnoticed by him.


	16. Stay

This fic's cover art was made by kingkishou on Tumblr ahhhhhh I'm so in love! It's gorgeous! :)

Also, thanks for the 100 favs recently. Would appreciate more if you could leave a review once in a while, so that I know what's on your mind when you read this fic :)

* * *

Touka stared at the grey brick wall in deep silence, her tears had dried up, yet she could still feel the dampness on her pillow. It was hard to cry silently, especially restraining her sniffles, but she knew Kaneki wasn't aware of it.

The sound of the light snoring behind her, the strong grip on her small waist, the warmth that emanated from his body, his... _thing_ poking her through his pants. It wasn't the first time. In fact, it had been numerous times it happened. But Kaya had told her about this- saying that it was normal for a guy to have an erection while sleeping- a sign that the guy was healthy.

Nonetheless, she felt guilty for turning him down earlier.

If she hadn't, would they have gone all the way?

If she didn't know the truth, she wouldn't have minded at all, to be honest.

Her period ended before they even went to Aogiri kingdom. But Kaneki being Kaneki, always holding back whenever he kissed her, always hesitant to touch her in _other_ places, always wrapped his arms around her before they slept- but never proceeded further despite the occasional thrusting he made while he was sleeping- totally unaware of what he was doing.

Sometimes, he had nightmares- and she would always calm him down with soothing words and hugs, and he clung on to her _so tightly_ as if his whole life depended on her. Crying, and kept on repeating 'don't leave me alone' or 'don't hurt me' until he fell asleep again- his black tears staining her white chemise.

He was a fragile being, afraid of being left alone, and was never loved by his mother. Abused and tortured since he was a kid- he had never experienced a good childhood. Furthermore, he became a king at the age of 12, carrying such a huge responsibility on his shoulders at a very young age.

She turned around carefully, staring at his sleeping form through the dim light of the beeswax candle. He seemed so innocent, so serene- yet, he seemed troubled as well. Her delicate fingers brushed his bangs back in a soothing caress, running through his locks softly as if comforting him.

' _You're such a strong man... able to make it this far, hiding your pain from the whole world all this time.'_

She started to wonder, was he really using her? If he were, he would've tried to consummate their marriage months ago, wouldn't he?

But he didn't.

And it was actually her who made the first move, kissing him during their first sparring session earlier this month. He was always so hesitant- as if she wasn't his wife, as if he was having an inner battle with his own mind. In fact, tonight was the first time he made his first bold move, even so, he was still very patient with her, telling her he would wait due to her lame excuse of being tired.

He had been very kind to her, too kind that she was having a trouble analysing his motive.

And not to mention Nimura was such a cunning prince. But despite that it didn't seem like the prince was lying, with all the proofs and Kaneki's behaviour- he was definitely dying.

 _Dying._

Her heart skipped a beat, then plummeted into the pit of her stomach before thudding so loudly she could literally hear every single beat.

How could she forget that? She was too overwhelmed with the assumption that he was using her- that she had forgotten the biggest issue of all.

Her husband was dying.

And he only had a year to live.

A year... seemed like a very short time. They had been married for more than three months, yet it still felt like yesterday for her. He was right. The wedding today did remind her of their wedding. However, the way he danced with her tonight had improved a lot compared to their wedding day. There were no awkward moves, just two people enjoying themselves to the fullest.

Her eyes were wide in horror as black tears suddenly streamed down from his left eye, leaving a trail to the bridge of his nose before the liquid travelled down to his right eye due to gravity.

' _No. Don't come out, stupid tears!'_

She gently wiped his black tears using the back of her hand, but it was flowing non-stop that she had to tear the edge of her chemise to wipe it.

And he still hadn't woken up. This was normal for him. So normal that she felt scared. How long had it been that tears fell from his eye whenever he was asleep? She remembered waking up to see stains of black tears on his pillow, sometimes on hers because he shifted closer to her before they sleep.

After five long minutes, it finally stopped. And the worst part was never once did his eyes twitch or open. He was really used to it.

She bit her lower lip, trying her best not to cry as she wiped the traces of excessive tears from his face.

* * *

Being gone for a week, there were loads of approvals Kaneki had to sign. They were piling up, and the black tears falling from his eye were doing the same. He started to wonder if he still had a year to live due to the ridiculous amount of black tears his left eye had been producing lately.

He would need to talk to Touka soon. She was hiding something from him, and he could sense it with her unusual silence whenever they were alone, the sadness in her eyes whenever she smiled at him, and her silence response whenever he told her about his feelings- making him look a bit too desperate for her affection.

Putting that aside, he also needed to teach her about signing approvals, performing a quality check on their goats whenever necessary, and managing the army. Speaking of the army, he needed to check up on Nishiki and Miza about the preparation for their battle against V.

A long sigh escaped his lungs.

' _Too much workload...'_ His head was starting to get dizzy, but he forced himself to stay awake- he couldn't risk getting fainted again. Even if he was dying, he needed to save his kingdom. He needed… Touka in order to leave an heir.

The thought had always lingered at the back of his mind, making his heart ache with guilt and pain.

' _I don't want to use her…'_ was his final thought before he allowed himself to get some rest in his study chamber, black tears falling endlessly from his left eye.

* * *

Coming back from his king's study chamber, Banjou was surprised to see his queen was waiting for him inside his small room. Call it an instinct, but based on his 50-years of experience living and interacting with people, the sheer determination on her face and the crossing of her arms over her chest, he could foretell why his queen was here.

"I want answers."

At that moment, he was pretty much willing to risk everything. When he visited the study chamber earlier, seeing the black tears falling non-stop from his king's left eye, he had only one wish- to see his king experience happiness and love before tragedy befell him. But in order to achieve that, Banjou needed his queen to stay by his king's side no matter what circumstances they had. He knew he would be executed once his queen left his room with the answers she was seeking- but he didn't mind- he didn't mind sacrificing his life, as long as his king found happiness.

"Is Kaneki dying?" Her voice cracked slightly, she had always put up a strong persona in front of everyone- so when he saw her like this, he knew that she was deeply hurt.

He took a deep breath, knowing his answer would be the death of him.

"Yes, he is." _'I'm going to be executed for this. But it's worth it. I don't regret anything.'_

"Since when?"

"About a year and a half ago. Tsukiyama had begged him so many times to find a queen. But he didn't want to."

"Why?"

"He didn't want to hurt his wife's feelings. He- you _do_ know why he married you, right, Your Majesty?"

She gave him a nod as her answer.

"He felt guilty. But his remaining lifetime got shorter each day. His eye- it's killing him. Back then, he had 10 years to live. Now, he had only one year. Who knows, tomorrow he might have only one month left."

His last sentence shocked her- sending a pang of pain and sadness to her heart. ' _No. It couldn't be.'_

"Is that- even possible?"

"With the way his health is deteriorating, it won't be a surprise. Dr. Kanou said he has at most one year, so it could be anytime from today to next year."

She pressed her lips together- trying to hold back her tears. She didn't want to lose him. No. She loved him. Even though he lied to her, he hadn't done anything to her yet. He was actually waiting for her consent.

"The surgery is the only way. Dr. Kanou is an expert in this matter. But he said it's risky. His Majesty might die during the operation."

"So, there's no other way…?"

The older man shook his head. "We've tried everything. I mean, Tsukiyama and I have tried everything. His Majesty didn't even bother. He wanted to... _leave this world_ \- but- he's changed. He wants to live now, I can see it in his eyes. He loves you, Your Majesty. He wants to live on with you."

She just stared at him with a pained expression, he knew she was deeply hurt by the fact that his king was dying, and lying to her.

Touka had never forgotten her promise to Banjou, and her determination to stay by Kaneki's side. But surely, a confrontation wouldn't hurt. She needed him to be honest with her. To ensure there would be no more secrets between them.

* * *

Kaneki woke up in shock at seeing a pool of dried black tears staining his arm and paperwork, the beeswax candle illuminating the chamber indicating that it was already night time- Banjou must have lit it up for him while he was sleeping. His back and shoulders felt sore, he should've used the couch instead.

Using a newly folded handkerchief located inside the desk's top drawer, he started to wipe the dry, stubborn stain that didn't seem to come off as easy as last time… _'Is my eye getting worse?'_

Suddenly, the door was wide opened- revealing his wife with a deep scowl on her face before she stepped in and shut the door behind her.

"Touka…" He said as she walked towards him, "Why are you here-"

His mouth gaped open as he felt a stinging sensation on his left cheek. _Did she just… Did she just…_

 _She just slapped him._

His breathing went frantic- memories of his childhood flashed through his mind where he was slapped by his mother every time he wrote a character wrongly.

His mother's slaps were hard and forceful- accompanied by, 'make it perfect!' or 'is this how a future king writes?!' that made him took extra lessons from Banjou just to avoid getting tortured while studying.

"You were lying this whole time?"

The awful memories of his childhood quickly disappeared from his mind, replaced by the shocking question that came out of his wife's mouth. His eyes widened in panic, _'She knew. She knew. She knew.'_ Those words kept on repeating in his mind, alerting the warning that he tried his best to suppress.

"You proposing to me, you mentioning you want to fall in love with me, they were all lies?"

"Who told you this?" His voice was deep, as if he was about to get angry, yet, it was also as if he was about to cry.

"It doesn't matter! If no one did, you're just going to use me, aren't you? You're the worst, Kaneki!"

"I'm- I-" He seemed lost for words. It never crossed his mind that this day would come- he wasn't expecting this at all. "I'm- I'm sorry..." Was all he could mutter, even though he knew she wouldn't forgive him.

She laughed, bitterly- in exasperation at his useless apology.

"All this time I thought you married me because of my father- turns out there was a bigger reason behind it. I- I am just a tool to you."

"You're not..." He trailed off. He knew she was right. He married her for the sake of Re Kingdom after all.

"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry..." He apologised again, he knew how pathetic he must have sounded, but what else could he do?

"Guess what, Kaneki? Congratulations, I really did fall for you. All your sweet words, all your affections- I thought- I thought I was an idiot for feeling happy about it. But- I was right. I- I really _am_ an idiot. You made a fool out of me, Kaneki." Tears brimming in her eyes- they were red and puffy, she looked terribly hurt, disappointed, betrayed.

But it wasn't just her, it was hurtful for him too.

But how? How could he ask forgiveness? Would she even forgive him?

Should he try?

He should. He had lied to her for more than three months, after all.

Slowly, his knees fell to the floor. He was kneeling, his head hung in shame.

"I'm sorry, Touka. I'm _really_ , really sorry... I did it for Re. I don't want my people to suffer- or die when other kingdoms tried to claim Re after my death. But to save Re- I need to have an heir... I'm sorry... I was using you all this time... But I did fall in love with you." His eyes looking at her pleadingly, asking for forgiveness he knew he couldn't gain.

"Are you even speaking the truth? You could be saying all this just to make me stay."

Her words felt like a knife stabbing his frail heart over and over again. His face seemed lost, dejected even. How could he show her that it was true? How could he let her know that he wasn't lying?

"You're always so kind, Kaneki. No matter what you did, you always did it out of duties and obligations. You were just acting as a perfect husband, waiting for the chance to use me, weren't you?"

"I- I-" He was rendered speechless by her accusation. But she was right, she was totally right.

"I- I did it out of duties- but- I really fell for you. I'm sorry, Touka. It's alright if you don't believe me, I did hide a lot of things from you, after all."

Silence filled the study chamber. She had caught him, and she knew the truth. All his plans, all his dreams of keeping his kingdom safe... they were destroyed, gone within that moment.

Maybe he should be gone as well. Gone and disappear from this cruel world. After all, there was no guarantee that Washuu would let him stay alive.

Tsuneyoshi wanted to conquer Re ever since 30 years ago. What would be the easiest way than killing its King who was willing to have a surgery with his doctor?

If he died during the surgery, Touka might be forced to marry the new ruler- or become one of the concubines, or even worse- imprisoned, or executed in public.

But if he let her go now, at least, she didn't have to suffer. She could have a better future.

He loved her. He wanted the best for her, and for her to be happy- even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness. Even if it meant living the rest of his short life without her. Her smile, her voice, her warmth...

' _I'll miss you... but this is for the best...'_

A heavy, defeated sigh escaped his lips. Limply, he stood up, walking slowly towards his desk- his eyes never met hers.

"You may leave, Touka."

Her eyes widened almost instantly. Did she hear that right?

"Wha- what do you mean?"

"You may leave. I will declare that I haven't done anything to you. That this was just an arranged marriage. You're still pure. You're free to leave- and marry other prince or king. Find someone who will live long and have a family with you. Someone who will grow old with you."

"Kaneki..." Her heart felt as if it was shattered into a million pieces hearing his words. _'Are you serious?'_

She came here to confront him, to challenge him. She knew how genuine his feelings were. She just wanted him to apologise, to admit what he did was wrong, and to let him know how hurt she was due to the fact that he married her just for the sake of his kingdom.

She never expected it to be like _this_ \- she never expected him to let her go.

He sat on his chair, bending slightly to take out a brown papyrus scroll from the desk's lowest drawer.

"Re will continuously give protection to Anteiku even after we're divorced. So don't worry. But once I died and other kingdoms took over, could you please at least take Nishiki in? He's a great knight, he will keep Anteiku safe."

She didn't answer him. She _couldn't_ answer him as her mind was too shocked processing his words, taking in every word that had been said.

"Hinami told me about your proposal, I told her to accept it. But I still need her before I died. Do you think Ayato mind waiting for six more months?"

"Kaneki." She strode towards him, her hands shaking his shoulders- making his eyes finally meet hers. "What are you talking about? Stop it."

His eyes, however, appeared droopy and lifeless- as if he had no more will to live. As if he was accepting his death any moment now.

He managed to form a small, sad smile before he spoke.

"I'm _dying_ , Touka. Even if I had the surgery, they will still find ways to kill me." He opened the scroll, it was long and filled with black handwriting. "This is my will-" Her eyes widened in complete shock, her gaze averted to him briefly before looking back at the handwriting on the scroll. "-I've completed it before we went to Aogiri. But I have to amend it now, since- I'm letting you go." He took the quill from the inkwell and started to write something on it.

"Stop, Kaneki. Don't do this." She snatched the quill from his hand, and he almost glared at her. _Almost_.

"Give it back."

"No. I won't." She started to back away when he stood up from his chair, walking towards her slowly.

Eventually, she was trapped between him and the brick wall- the quill was safe behind her- in her hand.

Despite all that, he didn't seem angry. In fact, he seemed... in pain. A lot of pain. His hand raised- not to hit her or force her to return the quill- but to brush her bangs behind, revealing her covered right eye. He stared at her beautiful face with a painful expression before his forehead rested against hers. He was holding back his sobs. His voice cracked.

"I don't want to do this, Touka. But- I have to. I have to let you go. So please, let me amend my will for our sake."

She shook her head, hot tears brimming in her eyes. "I don't want to leave you."

"You must leave. I'm not sacrificing your future. You deserve to be happy."

"My happiness is with you." Her hand cupped his left cheek, he leaned into her touch before fluttering his eyes open again- his gaze fell to her lush lips momentarily. _He wanted to kiss her..._

"You should ask the servants to pack your luggage. You may leave anytime you want. The sooner, the better."

"Kaneki-"

"But before you leave, may I- may I have one last kiss?"

She couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face. Was he really doing this? Was he really letting her go without even trying to win her over?

He cradled her cheeks in his palms, wiping off her tears with the pad of his thumbs. He looked at her with guilt, along with yearning in his grey eyes. Trembling, he brushed a tender kiss across her lips. It was gentle, yet lingering- he was expressing his raw emotions to her through his kisses.

 _I'm sorry._

 _I love you._

 _Goodbye._

Her knees felt far too weak- she was shaking faintly yet she couldn't move. Despite the gentle kisses he had always given her- he had never kissed her as gently and softly as this. It was as if she was a fragile being. As if she would slip from his arms once he pulled away. As if he treasured her so much that this actually hurt him.

No, it _did_ hurt him. His shaky breath against her lips, his tears falling down- making her cheek wet with his black tears, his hands grazing her cheeks so tenderly- this was killing him more than his disease itself. He didn't want to let her go, but yet- _but yet_ \- he _had_ to.

The quill was long forgotten as her hands crept up his chest, but as soon as she started responding, as soon as she started kissing him back- he pulled away abruptly- even though it took every ounce of his willpower to pull away from her- _he had to_.

"Go. Go before I changed my mind." His voice sounded a little bit too harsh in her ears. He picked up the quill pen from the marble floor before turning around- heading to the desk again to amend his will.

Touka was still not moving, staring at his back in disbelief- unsure of what to do.

"I said go!" He said it so sternly without even looking back, knowing that he wouldn't be able to let her go for good if he did.

' _Goodbye, Touka. I hope you'll find happiness with someone else soon.'_ His hand clenched tightly, his eyes closed, waiting for her to leave this chamber- leave this castle- leave... _him_.

He wasn't given any chance to wait any longer as she strode towards him and embraced him from behind, completely intercepting his thoughts.

For a couple of seconds, he forgot how to breathe. He _couldn't_ breathe. Not when her arms wrapped around him so tightly, _so lovingly_ after he told her to go.

"I'm sorry, Kaneki. I was just... testing you. I know how genuine your feelings are. I'm not leaving you. I'm sorry..."

"What are you talking about, Touka? You have to go." But she ignored his words.

"I've thought about you a lot these days, about your... childhood. It must've been hard, all these years. With your mother, Hide, everyone. I'm sorry. I should've realised how lonely you were. I'm such a bad wife."

"Touka... But I- I lied to you-"

"I know. I'm still angry for that, but- I-"

She pulled away slightly, and he took the opportunity to turn around, facing her as her indigo eyes staring hard into his grey ones.

"I love you. _So much_."

He knew, of course he knew- after reading her letter that she wrote to him recently. But hearing it _directly_ from her mouth made his heart ache even more that tears began to well up again in his eyes.

"I- I know. I read your letter. I'm sorry, Touka. I'm sorry." He shut his eyes, blinking away the tears that blurred his vision.

She wasn't surprised at his honest reply- somehow, she could already predict it.

"Then, why did you ask me to leave?"

"Because- because I'm dying- I'm going to leave you one day. It's better if you-"

"Does it matter? You said you read my letter- you should know that I won't ever leave you, even if you force me to. I'll stay by your side forever, Kaneki."

"But Touka-"

She kissed him, it was supposed to be a reassuring kiss, in a way. Her mouth moved gently against his, soothing him, telling him, 'I won't leave you, I'll stay.'

The gentle kiss, however, turned into one full of emotions as they poured their feelings into it. He loved her, and she loved him. He was dying, yet it was hard for him to let her go. He needed her in his life, or else, he just felt like dying as he had no one else in this world. She, on the other hand, wanted to stay by his side, to show him he wouldn't be alone anymore, to show him he was loved- by her, by everyone in Re.

He felt himself getting lost in her kisses and caresses- her soft sighs filled his ears like a sweet melody, and this time- he didn't hold back, he didn't pull away. He weaved his hand through her blue hair, opening his mouth further, deepening the kiss as his other hand pulled her closer- feeling the curves of her body pressed hard against his.

It all seemed so fast as their legs brought them to the edge of the couch before their bodies stumbling, falling onto it on top of one another.

And their swollen lips desperately found each other, again. And again. _And again_.

* * *

Next chapter: Consummation


	17. Consummation

This is a long chapter, 6k words. I'm very sorry for the late update. I had three vacation trips in this month, and I was busy moving out of the country for my job (same company, different country). Believe it or not, it has been a year since I first started writing this fic, and I am very grateful for all the support.

It took me weeks to write this, I sacrificed my day offs to complete this chapter so if you're a silent reader, I'm really thankful if you could let me know what you think about it. Thank you so much.

Special thanks to Vidnyia on Tumblr/AO3 for the proofread :3

* * *

How do you explain the definition of true love, the definition of soulmate?

You just... feel it. It feels… right. It feels… complementary. It feels… peaceful.

You don't have any methods or procedures to make that person happy, you just follow the flow, follow your heart, follow your instinct.

And somehow, your heart knows it.

As the time passed by, the feelings became mutual. Two people caring for each other, wanting to make each other's happy, carrying each other's burden, sharing insecurities and vulnerabilities. At the moment, they both seemed selfish with their wishes. But sometimes, it was alright to be selfish.

Especially when one of them was dying, and they just wanted to spend the little time they have together as much as possible.

Trust. Acceptance. Love. They fell together perfectly. As perfect as the wonderful female in his arms.

They said if you loved each other, then you should get married to spend the rest of your life with that person. But the fate was cruel to them. Fate was _always_ cruel. Rest of their lives? _How_? When one of them was dying- counting seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, or months before his impending death?

Which was why it was alright to be selfish.

Even if it was only for one year, one short year- or one long meaningful year, depending on how they perceived it, it was alright.

As long as he was home- with her, as long as she was there- by his side, everything would be alright.

They would be alright.

Well, maybe not for him at the moment. Because as of now, he was intoxicated. Figuratively. Emotionally. Erotically. Intoxicated in her lavender scent, in her breathy moans, in her warmth as her skin felt hot yet so smooth under his fingertips, his palms.

His lips instinctively found her neck, gently nibbling on the soft spot there as she arched her neck, allowing him better access to the sensitive flesh. As his hands reached her plump, perky breasts, squeezing them through her velvet dress, a surprised gasp escaped her lips, which he muffled with his mouth immediately.

He sighed in pleasure as their mouths moved together. Their hot breaths mingled, searing his lungs. Her sharp yet velvety tongue stroked his; her fingers traced his lower abdomen under his tunic.

When her hips bucked up against his, causing a spark of pleasure running through his body, his clouded mind snapped back to reality. Quickly, he pulled away from her, eyes widened in shock at what just happened. He panted, catching his breath.

She seemed surprised as well at his sudden action. His eyes appeared unfocused, slowly registering what just happened.

"Kaneki? Why did you stop?" She asked, softly. Too softly, it made his heart ache.

"I- this isn't supposed to happen. I told you, Touka. You should leave."

"I told you I'm staying. You can't change my mind."

He swallowed hard, then shook his head.

"No. It's too risky. If I die- you'll be left alone." His lips clamped together in a firm, thin line as his eyes gazed upon her with concern. "I don't want to make you sad." He said, remembering her words back then. _"If you died, I would be very sad."_

She flashed him a small smile as she caressed his left cheek, her thumb drawing circles on his cheekbone.

"Then let's make an heir right now." She said it without any hesitation in her sweet, angelic voice- her indigo eyes showing hope and affection towards him.

The fact that she was so willingly offering herself to him left mixed feelings in his heart. He was tempted, especially with their current position, and because his heart really wanted to do this. With her.

But this was wrong.

 _So wrong._

 _So selfish._

Her long fingers danced around the front laces of her dress, slowly untying them. His eyes widened in realisation- _he needed to stop her_. He grabbed her tiny wrists roughly, pinning them to her sides.

His sudden action startled her. But seeing his expressions - horrified, scared, guilty, she just smiled warmly at him.

"Why did you stop me?"

His hands gripping her wrists so tightly he didn't realise he was hurting her. She could feel her pulse in each of her wrist beating harder than usual, but her face showed him no hint of pain or discomfort.

Instead, she waited for his explanation.

"I can't. I don't want to use you to have an heir. It's not right."

"You're not using me, Kaneki. I want this." She emphasized her words by wrapping her legs around him- pulling him closer, making him groaned at the contact and his grip on her wrists loosen up. She could _feel_ him, his mouth breathing out irregular pants as she repeated the motion over and over again.

"Touka, stop." He panted. He looked perturbed, as if he was battling with his inner mind. His heart was telling him to take up the offer to ensure the line of Re, and also because he had wanted to do this with her for quite a while now, but his mind was telling him the harsh future of his wife once he died.

"I can't leave you raising our child alone. That may be my purpose of marrying you, but- I realised how selfish I was. I wasn't considering your feelings at all. I really _am_ a monster, Touka. I'm destroying your life, your future. I'm sorry, Touka. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." His eyes gradually shutting as he muttered those words, but they flickered open when he felt warm hands cupping his cheeks lovingly.

She didn't even say a word, instead, she pulled him down towards her, giving a soft, lingering kiss on his lips.

"I love you. And I love Re. I'll do anything to make both you and Re survive. Mark my words."

"But- what if they kill me during the surgery? You should leave, Touka. I can't promise to stay by your side. I only have one year left. You should find someone to spend your whole life with."

"Kaneki."

Her grip on his cheeks was strong, forcing him to look at her straight in the eyes.

"I'd rather spend one short year with you than fifty years with someone else."

His breath hitched in his throat as she said that. His jaw clenched tightly, guilt started to creep in his veins. What had he done in his life to deserve a kind angel like her? _Nothing._

"You _will_ move on, Touka. And you _will_ love your new husband. I'm sure of it. So please-" His eyes begging her. "It's not too late for you to leave." He shifted to pull away from her, but before he could unwrap her legs from him, her arms locked around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss but he stopped her- his elbows resting on the couch- each beside her shoulders, preventing her from doing so.

"I'm not leaving you. I'll stay with you until the end."

"You deserve someone better than me... I don't deserve you. Let me go, Touka."

She simply ignored him. She had enough of him trying to push her away- lying, and hiding what he truly wanted. All this time, he was always holding back. Restraining himself even though their feelings were mutual, even though there were no rules stopping them. But his kisses, his eagerness, his hardening desire proved how much he wanted this. But then again, he was always hesitating in the end.

"Kaneki. For once, can you please be honest with me?"

He didn't answer her, but his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat while he waited for her question.

"Do you- don't you want this? Not because you're dying, not because you want to save your kingdom. I'm asking you- Kaneki Ken, not as a king, but as a man, just a man- _my_ _husband_ , do you- do you want me?" She ended her question with a gulp, her indigo orbs searching for answers within his grey one.

"Touka- I-" A momentary pause slipped between them, the silence was deafening as he struggled for words. Hot tears brimmed in his eyes, his vision blurred and his lips quivering as if he was scared. The fate had always been cruel to him, preventing him from getting what he wanted the most in his life.

Experiencing horrible tortures throughout his childhood by the person who should have loved him the most- he just wanted to be loved, to be needed, to be accepted- as a man. Not because he was a king.

But didn't she say she would stay? Didn't she say she loved him?

Didn't he love her as well?

He did.

So, did he want this?

Of course, with all his heart.

But, was this fair to her?

No.

Not at all.

He swallowed, hard, the lump in his throat felt awfully painful.

" _Yes_. I- I want this- I want you." He stared at her- in adoration, in guilt, in self-loathing. "If I could, I want to grow old with you. Have children with you. But I _can't_. I can't, Touka. I'm _dying_." The tears started to fall uncontrollably from his eyes, his whole body trembled as he sobbed. "I want you- but I'm dying. I can't be selfish and just use you. _I'm sorry_."

She wiped the river of tears falling down his cheeks. Her right hand was stained with his black tears but that was the least matter she cared about at the moment.

At least, he was being honest with her. She couldn't be grateful enough.

She would be honest with him too. So she kissed him, tasting the salty tears as their lips moved together- though there was less force from his side.

"I want you too, Kaneki. I _want_ you to be selfish. It's alright." She muttered softly. Her hips rolled again, his eyes shut tight as the pleasure spiked through him and this time- despite his better judgment- he ground against her repeatedly, low groans escaped his throat.

"Are you- are you _really_ sure? Do you still want me even though I'm dying?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation in her answer, no trace of regret, or pity. She wanted him, as simple as that. He bit his lower lip so hard, he didn't care if it drew blood.

"There's no going back, Touka. You can still leave if you want to. I'm not forcing you to stay."

" _Kaneki_." She said it a bit sternly, startling him slightly.

"Y-Yes?"

"I'm yours, okay? I've always been yours. Just take me." Her voice was soft, so soft that it came out like a whisper. The gaze in her eyes was full of love, welcoming, slightly alluring.

It seemed that no matter how much he wanted to avoid this- he couldn't. There was nothing he could do to change her stubborn mind. She would stay, no matter how many times he asked her to leave.

In the end, no matter what, this night- their consummation would take place.

As much as he wanted to make it special- to make it memorable for her, he was actually very, _very_ scared. What if he couldn't give her pleasure? What if he hurt her? What if he ejaculated too soon?

He was suddenly reminded of the scars on his abdomen, thighs, and back as his mother would sometimes whip him with cane or birch, leaving him bleeding and gave him terrible, nasty scars for the rest of his life. She had seen the big scar on his right abdomen, but she had never seen the ones on his back and thighs, they were long and red and _hideous_.

Touka seemed to notice that he went quiet, not moving- his brows furrowed in concentration but yet he looked so vulnerable, as if he would burst into tears any moment.

"Kaneki? What's wrong?"

"I'm _hideous_. You- you haven't seen my other scars. Mother- she-"

"Shh…"

She sat up, making him sit up as well- then she embraced him, rubbing his back, whispering soothing words to him like she always did whenever he had awful nightmares.

"You're beautiful, Kaneki."

He pulled away from her, shaking his head vigorously. "I'm not. I told you I'm a monst-"

She kissed him, deep yet soft and gentle, then rained tiny kisses on the small scars on the inner part of his arms. She wondered why she hadn't noticed them before, but she was glad to be able to notice them now. He had deep scars on both of his wrists, they weren't that long, but there were several of them, protruding slightly and had a lighter colour compared to his skin.

"I'm sorry… I should've realised these sooner…" She muttered as she gently kissed the scars on his wrists, his breath hitched in his chest as he received her kind gesture.

' _I really don't deserve her.'_ The depressing look on his face said it all. Throughout these three months of being his wife, she could somehow read his expression, little by little.

She decided to ease his insecurities.

Taking a deep, long breath, she stood up from the couch, removing her already loose dress, and the rest of her garments. They fell onto the marble floor, leaving her totally bare in front of him.

Kaneki almost choked at the sight of his wife. It wasn't his first time seeing her upper body, she had bared herself to him the night he fainted two weeks ago. But this time, she was _completely_ bare.

"T-Touka. You-" She removed her clothes to make him feel better, to let him know that she didn't care about his scars at all. She still wanted him. Some stupid scars would not stop her from wanting this, from showing him how much she loved him.

But little did she know, she wasn't as confident as she thought she would be. Even _she_ had insecurities, not just him. What if she wasn't beautiful enough? What if she looked fat? What if he didn't like her breasts' size and shape?

Her right arm covered her breasts immediately, while her left hand covered her private part. She looked down, embarrassed with herself, her cheeks reddening with every passing second.

But slowly, Kaneki stood up and walked towards her, trying his best not to look at her body- especially her bosom, but failed. How could he not, when his wife was so beautiful both on the outside and on the inside? He was such a fool for trying to court Rize years ago, when Touka had been loving him since then - since seven years ago.

And she still loved him even _now_.

And he loved her too, very much.

His fingers traced the curves of her delicate skin on her shoulders- slowly, ever so slowly, down her arms, letting them fall to her sides, exposing her fully to him. He stared at her in awe as he took in her every feature- from her shoulder-length silky blue hair that had gotten longer in these three months- giving her more feminine look, her dusky pink areolas that seemed to contrast her breasts- that cleavage of hers teasing him in every dress she wore, her tiny waist that he loved to wrap his arm around every night, the small patch of hair at the lips of her womanhood, her fleshy, supple thighs- all the way to her cute little toes.

For him, even the word beautiful could not describe her ethereal beauty.

Eventually, his sight fixated on the enticing mole on her right breast. Gathering his courage, his finger carefully pressed and circled around it. He looked up at her, as if asking permission, but she just nodded timidly. The moment the pad of his thumb brushed her nipple, she involuntarily let out a pleasured gasp, and that triggered him.

The result of his hands fondling, massaging, playing with her breasts resulting in high-pitched moans he never knew she was capable of. He noticed his pants felt incredibly tight now.

" _Touka_."

She looked up at him with a flushed face, her eyelids drooping and her lush lips slightly parted.

' _So beautiful_. _'_ He wanted to kiss her, but her next question surprised him.

"Aren't you… going to take your clothes off?" She asked, panting, then he did- with no hesitation. Perhaps because she had let him see her first, that it made him feel less insecure to bare himself in front of her.

An awkward silence filled the study chamber as they were both equally bare, standing in front of each other. She noticed the scars on his thighs- they were long and red, but they didn't make him any less beautiful than he already was.

 _Something else_ intrigued her instead.

"Kaneki. They're... white."

"Huh?"

"Your… _hair_... they're white. Why?"

If it was someone else, they would have been embarrassed by her question since it wasn't normal for someone to comment on your pubic hair. But for him, it looked like his eyes were about to spill tears again.

Determined to not let him cry again on that night, she swiftly closed the distance between them and comforted him as best as she could. Her bare breasts pressed against his ribs, his hardness poked her lower belly. But she- or even he, didn't seem to care that much.

His head hung low, and for a moment, he didn't say anything as she kept rubbing his back soothingly.

Perhaps it was time to tell her the truth.

"I'm... I'm _aging_ , Touka. Remember when you asked me about my hair back then? I'm sorry... I didn't dye my hair. It turned white when I was 19… And so does... every other hair." He explained, his forehead eventually rested on her shoulder.

"So, physically you look 24 but your hair looks 50… something like that?"

He clamped his lips together and nodded.

She did the calculation in her head, the result shocked her greatly.

 _Five years_.

He had been aging for _five years_.

He had undergone the process of dying for _five years_.

Touka couldn't imagine him going through this alone, and living the rest of his life alone had she obeyed his order to leave him. No, she couldn't. He had suffered too much in his life. She wanted to ease his burden, to let him know that no matter how tragic his life may be, she would always be there by his side.

Unwrapping her arms around him, she lifted his head up to capture his lips with hers. So lovingly, so gently. Her tongue traced his lips before delving into his mouth for a long, deep kiss.

"I won't ever leave you. No matter what your condition is, no matter how old you may look, I'll stay."

"Touka…"

"I love you, Kaneki." His heart ached again after hearing her confession. Her right hand stroked his left cheek. He leaned into her soft touch- she watched as his eyes fluttered closed, savouring the tender moment. Then, she kissed him with just the merest brush of her lips.

"I love you." She repeated again, in a softer tone. Her left hand crept up his body, tracing his scars soothingly. She felt the ridges of his sculpted muscles bunched under her curious touch.

"I love you." She whispered. Her previous actions and her warm smile, accompanied by her soft gaze before she claimed his lips once more- was _too much_ for him.

He pressed her closer- their tongues danced together, swirling around each other and the feeling of flesh meeting flesh was warm, raw, _intimate_. This time, he could really feel her accepting him, loving him, wanting him that their hips reflexively ground against one another and he ended up pinning her onto the couch again. Finally, all his resistance broke down.

Despite having no experience, he had Eto's books as his primary reference. The cheeky princess never failed to include an intimate scene in her horror books, yet they _never_ seemed out of place. That was how talented she was as an author. She must've used Kishou as the reference to her writing, but Kaneki tried not to think too hard about that.

But then again, even though he had read them, he didn't really rely on them. He relied on his pure instinct. Desire. Because right now, all he wanted was to be closer to his wife. To feel her nude, soft body pressed against his. To learn more about her body in order to touch her in a way that would make her feel good, content, pleasure. To kiss her senselessly, and to feel her kissing him back- knowing how much she wanted this too.

As their bodies moulded firmly together, his hips instinctively rolled against hers- once, twice, which she responded with a needy whimper. Her legs automatically wrapped around him- her hips bucked up, wanting to feel him against her again.

He could feel her wetness as he rubbed against her. "T-Touka."

The darkened flush of his face, the sound of his ragged breath, the bead of liquid that had formed at the tip- along with her wetness slightly coating it- he was hard. Too hard that it was unbearable for him, that he needed release- by becoming one with her.

' _It's alright.'_ He calmed himself, reassuring himself that she wanted this too, that this was mutual, that whatever happened after this- he would take responsibilities and tried his very best to live as long as possible with her- and with his future child or children.

He just needed one last confirmation before he proceeded further, taking the next step of their marriage.

"Are you _sure_?" He asked, breathlessly. His cheeks tinted red from anxiousness and the obvious _aching_.

Ah, what a fool he was.

He didn't even need to ask.

They both knew her answer to that question before she even gave him one.

Nonetheless, Touka still nodded, bracing herself for what was coming. This was it. She would bear him his child. She would save Re from being conquered by another kingdom. Moreover, she wanted to save him too. From his loneliness, from his depressing thoughts, from his pessimistic mindset about not deserving her when he very much did.

He shifted several times- she could feel the bulbous head pressing against her. Biting her lower lip, she closed her eyes, and waited.

And waited.

…and waited.

Nothing happened.

"Touka, I can't-"

For a moment, she thought he was going to pull away. So she crossed her ankles behind his back, locking him.

A look of absolute panic spread across his face.

"-I can't find it."

"...what?" She asked, bewildered.

"Your- I can't- it doesn't- go in." His whole face was red with embarrassment and shame. He couldn't even _penetrate_ her- it made him feel extremely idiotic, useless, pathetic.

"Hold on." She held him, and he hissed- feeling the exact same searing sensation as the night when she touched it for the first time.

"It's supposed to be here..." She was not a hundred percent sure as well. It was her own body, but she was as clueless as him in that area. Kaya did teach her a lot of things- such as the importance of foreplay or how intercourse happened between a male and a female but she wasn't taught in _that_ much detail.

The illuminated light from the beeswax candle was dim, but she could clearly see his red ears- standing out against his snow-white hair. A small sigh escaped her lips before she stroked his cheek gently.

"Hey. Let's learn together, okay?"

He felt a tug at his fragile heart. Despite his incompetence, she still accepted him, giving him- and herself- another chance at this.

He nodded, and Touka pondered. How was she going to carry his child if they could not even consummate their marriage?

On the spur of the moment, Kaya's teaching crossed her mind.

"Maybe, you should- um, use your- fingers first?"

Kaya had also taught her about how to pleasure a man, and how to enjoy lovemaking more. But it took a lot of courage for her to ask him that question. Nonetheless, it seemed like it would help them to proceed to the next step.

"Uh... Okay."

She held his hand, guiding him to her opening where one of his fingers carefully slid in, stretching her- her face showing obvious discomfort.

"Are you- are you alright?"

She nodded, biting her lower lip. It was clear that she was not used to this. But so was he.

"We can stop this if you want to."

Instantaneously, she shook her head. "No! I'm alright."

He gulped worriedly. "Really?"

"Yes. Continue."

He stared at her for a brief moment, then agreed.

"Alright…" He inserted his second finger not long after, stroking her with his digits that it reminded him of the intimate act she performed on him earlier this month. He had been thinking about it- and wanted to return the favour. Plus, in Eto's books, that scene seemed to please the female characters greatly.

"Can I... return the favour… from before...?" He stopped moving his fingers, but they were still sheathed inside her.

"From... before?"

"You know... that night. When you- um-"

 _Oh_. The night she gave him pleasure. "W-won't it make you... uncomfortable?"

"No. I- I don't think so. I want to... I want to try. Unless, unless you don't want to."

"I... I don't know."

Silence filled the chamber again as they looked into each other's eyes, their expressions uncertain, hesitant.

Kaya had told her about this- saying it would be a great pleasure to have a man performing this act on a woman but she felt… scared. Even though she did give him pleasure on the other night, to think that he wanted to return it made her feel a bit too overwhelmed at the moment.

Perhaps, she should let him. She did kind of force herself onto him that night.

"Um, okay."

"Really?" His eyes widened in surprise.

"Mhm."

"Let me know if you don't like it, okay?"

She nodded.

If there was one word that could describe them at the moment, it was awkward.

Kaneki was obviously very nervous, and Touka was too tensed. It was even more awkward as he couldn't stop staring at where his fingers were, and her face blushed intensely from _his_ staring.

Subconsciously licking his lips, he gathered the courage within him. Started by kissing her inner thighs, rubbing her nub, curling his fingers- following the guide in Eto's books just to see her reaction but her response astonished him. To know that he was able to make her writhe wantonly, to make her _this_ drenched, her fingers weaved into his hair- it boosted the pride within him. So, he kept on going. And going. To hear more, to taste more despite how painfully hard he felt down there.

All the stroking, the rubbing, the pressure of his tongue on her- he drove her _crazy_ , making her lost in a sea of exquisite sensation- that she was unaware that she yanked his hair too hard when she reached her high, moaning loudly as the surge of pleasure coursed through her body.

Realising that she was being too loud, she covered her mouth with her hands, but her expression stricken with grief when she felt strands of hair in her hands.

She could literally hear the wild beating of her heart in her ears, roaring so loudly as she took a closer look at them- her eyes couldn't get wider.

White hair.

A lot of them.

Separated from his scalp.

He really was dying, wasn't he?

' _I need to get pregnant. As soon as possible.'_

"Kaneki."

"Hm?"

"Enough of that. Just take me."

She tried her best not to cry, she needed to stay strong- to not show him that it bothered her so much to know that he was dying and she _couldn't do anything_ about it. She felt useless, weak. She wanted him to live longer so badly. To have a family with him, and watch their children growing up. But she knew- _she knew,_ her wish was just a hopeless wish.

He had one year.

Or even _less_ than that.

She would cherish each moment to the fullest. With him.

There was no time to waste.

"Touka, what's wrong?"

"Just take me." She pleaded. He seemed taken aback by her answer, his eyes blinked in confusion.

"You didn't like it? I'm- I'm sorry!"

"No. I mean- yes." She shook her head. "I liked it, but, just take me. Please. I'm ready." She pulled him up towards her, wrapping her arms around his neck as she helped him to get into position. Her eyes filled with tears- threatening to spill over but she wouldn't allow them to. Luckily, he didn't seem to notice them.

"Then, I'll- try again." Kaneki informed her. The feeling of his tip kissing her entrance made him groan, his eyes shut tight.

"Kaneki."

His eyes fluttered open, the deep red flush on his face was prominent as he stared into her indigo orbs.

"You don't have to be so gentle with me. It's alright." She squeezed his cheek tenderly, reassuring him with her words, her smile.

He gave her a small nod, then he tried again. Less gentle this time, but still cautious of the discomfort he may cause her.

Bracing himself, he pressed forward.

All the torture he had endured, the loneliness he felt all these years- thinking no one loved him, she would prove him wrong. He, out of all people in this world- needed this the most.

Because he didn't have much time left.

And because he deserved happiness after all the things he'd been through.

But even so, it felt... uncomfortable. And painful. She'd never had something inside of her before, and it definitely felt as if her body had just detected something foreign.

"Are you… alright?" Kaneki was in no better condition either. The feeling of being inside of her was unbearable for him as well- and he wasn't even halfway in. But still, Touka nodded. Despite the painful expression on her face, the sound of her laboured breathing, and the convulsion of her walls opening around him, gripping him- eventually taking him.

He paused momentarily, then kissed her- rubbing her neck, her breasts, her hips- trying his best to ease her pain.

After a moment, she seemed to relax a bit, her breath steadying therefore he started to move, but was afraid of releasing too soon. The warmth and tightness were too much for him. It was definitely a new sensation, different from the one she gave him almost two weeks ago.

He couldn't think straight at all.

Probably because she was taking him in so willingly, her arms wrapped around him with the deepest affection, and her eyes gazed at him with intense love, adoration, yearning- showing him that she wanted this as much as he did. Knowing that she accepted him- even when she had other options, that she chose to stay by his side- even when he asked her to leave, that she loved him for who he was- and her feelings remained the same no matter what his status was. All these thoughts and overwhelming emotions swirled, twirled then merged together inside of him. Tears welled up in his eyes, and at that exact moment, even if his eyes were blurry due to those tears, she still looked so beautiful- like an angel.

His grunts and moans filled the warm, summer air with each hard thrust. He held her close, so close to him that he could feel their bodies moulding together perfectly as if they were made for each other. Her arms and legs tangled around him so tightly as if she didn't want to let go, ever.

In that moment, all he could see through his one eye was her- her half-lidded indigo orbs, the glistening sweat on her skin, the rhythmic bouncing of her breasts from her heaving chest. All he could hear was her whimpers, her moans, her gasps- and the slick sound of their hips slapping together- filling his ears- travelling to his throbbing groin as they drove him on. All he could smell was her sweet lavender scent, her arousal- sweet and pungent in the air, mixed heavily with his own. All he could taste was her swollen lips, her sharp tongue and the salty sweat on her butter soft skin. All he could feel through his body, his hands, his skin, was her and her alone.

She, his loyal and dedicated wife- filled all of his senses, making him drown and intoxicated even more in the inexplicable sensation of being inside of her- clenching him tightly, taking him deeper with every thrust.

Touka, was all that was on his mind.

Did he moan her name out loud?

He might have.

He could feel the tight knot forming in the pit of his stomach, his thrust became sloppy and desperate, his moans getting louder and louder.

"Touka, I'm-"

She held him tighter, tighter, wanting to feel him close to her, feeling the rapid pounding of his heartbeat as they moved together in sync. Kissing him, nipping his lower lip and locked her legs tighter around his waist until a foreign warmth flowed inside of her, filling her until he softened.

He apologised, for coming sooner than he intended to, for unable to hold back. But she hushed him, kissing him gently when it was over.

"Thank you." ' _For staying. For loving me._ ' He murmured between the kisses. She wiped his tears away with the pads of her thumbs, kissing both of his eyelids, lingering longer on his left one.

"Thank you too." She spoke softly as she pulled away, her thumb grazing over his bottom lip before they kissed once again, his lips then found her forehead.

Being in his wife's arms had always felt like home. He felt safe, wanted, _loved_. He couldn't thank her enough for being stubborn, for choosing to stay and showed him what he really needed in his life. Had she obeyed his order to leave him, he wouldn't have experienced this ethereal moment with her, he wouldn't have realised that he was loved despite his disease, despite his ugly, selfish self.

"I love you, Touka." He muttered into her chest, holding her closer to bask in her warmth and softness before his eyes getting heavier and sleep overtook him.

"I love you, Kaneki." She whispered- stroking his hair with a small smile on her face.

But the smile faded as his hair kept on falling with her caresses. Pulling him closer, she swallowed hard to keep her tears from coming out.

She would ask the servant to prepare the red ginseng from tomorrow onwards. She knew she should wait a bit longer to recover- but she couldn't care less about it. Not when her husband was dying, and she needed to get pregnant as soon as possible to save their kingdom. She would bear the pain- it was truly nothing compared to the pain he had suffered throughout his life.

At the very least, she wanted him to meet their child before he left this world, eternally.


	18. Calculation & IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT** : Okay, so I've lost my motivation to write this fic these days. But as a reader myself, it makes me really sad when the story I'm following has been abandoned. But you see, writing this fic is tiring. I'm not a fast writer. English is not my native language. It takes me weeks to write a single chapter which contains about 4k words because I wanted it to be perfect (even when I know it's far from it). In the end, it drains my energy. I feel dread writing this fic. Writing is supposed to be fun, but it's not like that anymore for me (at least for this fic).

I hate to say this but I'll be posting halfway edited (or not edited at all) drafts starting from this chapter onwards. By drafts I meant only dialogues with very little actions and descriptions so the pace might seem a little too fast. You will notice a huge quality drop in this chapter, and from the next couple of chapters onwards. Well, screw descriptions or beautiful words or correct grammar usage. I'm tired. This fic still has about 16 chapters to go so please understand. I might be posting short drafts just to keep this fic going, I don't know. I have written some future scenes already, and for some scenes, I haven't written a thing.

Dear readers, especially the ones who have been following this fic for more than a year, I'm really sorry to announce this. At least, (I think) I'm being considerate enough that I want to finish this despite not in a beautiful way. You may choose to unsubscribe or unfollow if you want to, I don't mind really. This is for readers who want to see this until the end. Thank you for the support that you guys have been giving me so far. I really, _really_ appreciate it. Without you guys, I wouldn't have made it this far with 50k++ words. Again, I'm sorry. I really am. Please forgive me.

P/S: I'm continuing my other fics as usual. The drafts thing is only applied to this fic.

* * *

Morning light streaks illuminated the study chamber. The melodious chirps of the birds filled the air, as if singing joyously. But they flew away the moment Tsukiyama's squeal echoed throughout the castle, obviously way too excited at hearing the good news from Hirako.

The One-Eyed-King was not excluded in hearing Tsukiyama's loud squeal, making him wake up – only to find he was in his wife's arms. Carefully, he sat up. His eyes gazed lovingly at the sight of her beautiful sleeping form. The soothing sound of her light breathing, the way her eyes were not fully closed while she was sleeping, and her cute little nose that seemed a little red, as if she cried herself to sleep.

He poked her cheek. He didn't know why he felt like teasing her, but her eyes squinted and she looked _so cute_ that he did it again until she eventually woke up.

"Good morning." He greeted, blushing slightly. She blushed too remembering what they did last night, also due to their lack of clothing.

"Morning." She replied, smiling warmly as she looked at their surroundings. "We should've done it in our chamber..."

"You're right. We should have." He smiled. But gradually, it faltered.

They weren't able to reverse last night. What had happened marked the consummation of their marriage, and she might get pregnant from it, if his seed found her egg of course.

Silence filled the study chamber as he was contemplating his words. But before he could even ask, she managed to beat him to it.

"I don't regret it. Not a bit."

His breath hitched, how was she able to understand him so much in these few months? The fact that she chose to stay by his side despite his impending death, chose to bear his child to save their kingdom when he had given her nothing but sadness made his heart ache with guilt. How could he do this to her?

"Touka... You're also suffering, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Eight years ago, I stole your dad from you... and now I'm stealing you from Anteiku. I- I'm really happy that you chose to stay but I've always troubled you, Touka."

She watched him as he finished his sentence, his head looking down, his fists clenched on his thighs. He was trembling.

Slowly, she lifted his chin up.

"Kaneki. Here is my home, with you. It doesn't matter where we end up, I just want to be with you."

He embraced her, the tug in his heart becoming more and more painful. She hugged him back despite being aware that they were naked and sticky with dried sweat and _something else_ last night. It didn't matter.

Kaneki pulled away slightly, his fingers traced her soft skin carefully as if she was a glass doll, as if he was touching her for the first time. Even after what happened between them, he still couldn't believe that this was real, that this was really happening.

The back of his palm brushed her cheek and she leaned into his touch reflexively.

"You're beautiful." He whispered, staring at her lush lips for a brief moment before leaning in, capturing them with his own in a sweet kiss. He could feel her nipping his upper lip, her hands weaved into his hair, pulling him closer – then she remembered about his hair fall – so she wrapped them around his neck instead.

She gave him a sad smile as he pulled away, stroking his cheek and shook her head slightly.

" _You're_ beautiful, Kaneki."

He chuckled. She said he's beautiful even with his scarred eye.

"We're both beautiful?"

"Yeah." She pulled him in for a kiss again, but his mouth somehow made its way lower to her jaw, her neck, then eventually the valley between her breasts.

Then, he stopped.

She looked up, he was staring at the mole on her right breast sheepishly.

"It's… enticing."

"You can touch me, you know?"

"Yeah… but – um, okay."

He gently poked it a few times, as if experimenting before leaning in to plant a small kiss on it. Suddenly she remembered his mole on his Adam's Apple. An idea sprung into her mind.

"Kaneki?"

"Yes?"

"Let's count all the moles on your body."

He blinked in confusion.

"What? What for?"

"Come on. I'm curious."

"Uhh… Okay…"

Kaneki didn't have that many moles – one on his Adam's Apple, two on his left elbow, one behind his left ear, several on his back – where he flinched whenever she traced his old scars, accompanied by a soft kiss – and two on his right ankles.

"Are you satisfied now?" He asked, embarrassed to have her inspected his whole body from head to toe just to count his moles which he unsure why she wanted to. Well, whatever his queen wants, she'll get it.

"Yes." She sprawled on her back, smiling as her eyes glinted up at him. "You can count mine now, if you want to."

Except, he got distracted as he counted and they ended up doing something else.

* * *

Nishiki and Miza sat in peaceful silence, having their coffee while watching their soldiers training. Push-ups, shooting arrows, melee fight, they were the ones responsible for improving these soldiers' skills.

It was supposed to be a nice afternoon for Nishiki, but Miza's request bothered him.

"Hey, Nishiki."

"Yes?" He answered as he lifted his cup, planning to sip some more.

"Are you a virgin?" The coffee spilt on his lap.

"Are you drunk?!" He yelled.

"I'm serious."

"Why are you flirting with me when we are both taken?"

"I'm not flirting with you, dumbass!" She kicked his shin.

"Ow!"

"Naki proposed to me two weeks ago… I said yes but I don't think he knows how to, um…" She blushed, unable to continue her sentence. Nishiki smirked in amusement.

"So you want me to teach him? Why don't you ask our king? He was the one who gave education to your fiancé after all." His smirk grew deeper.

"Are you out of your mind?! There's no way I could ask our king to teach him _that_. Come on. You're not a virgin, are you?"

"…"

"I knew it. Come on, help me."

' _Ah, this is troublesome.'_

"Teach him yourself."

"No, we-", she paused, whispering, "we haven't even _kissed_." Nishiki smacked his own forehead hearing that.

"Gosh, you guys are even worse than our king and queen!"

"S- Shut up!" Another kick.

"Hey, shitty Miza! Stop kicking me!"

"Teach him, will ya?"

"Yeah yeah, I'll teach him. Whatever."

He let out a long, heavy sigh.

* * *

"Hey Naki." Nishiki greeted the Head of Public Relations in his chamber.

"Nishiki." Naki grinned widely. "How may I help you?"

"Let me just cut to the chase. I heard you wanna know how babies are made?"

"YES!" The excitement on his face was _priceless_. "I've been waiting for this moment to come! Please, Nishiki! I want to know!" He clasped his hands together and gave the knight a pleading look.

"Well, you just need to hug Miza when she's sleeping. That's all. The baby will come out in nine months."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"That sounds so easy. Thank you, Nishiki! I owe you!"

"No problem."

' _Sorry Miza, I'm not teaching your fiancé about this. Do it yourself.'_

That night, Nishiki lay on his bed, his teeth gritted hard. _Family_ , he would never achieve those with Kimi. He loved her too much, but she was infertile. Even so, he didn't want to leave her. He was determined to stay by her side, growing old with her, protect her until he dies. He fell asleep thinking about her. He missed her _so much_.

* * *

The day has come where Kaneki met Washuu royal family to discuss his surgery agreements.

"I have stated all of my terms and conditions. I hope Washuu could attend to them."

"I can't give you my word, King Kaneki. I need to take a look at them first. Have a look at ours too." Tsuneyoshi said. Kaneki nodded.

The old King's eyebrows furrowed in bewilderment as he read them line by line.

" _'If I died during the surgery, Washuu is not allowed to conquer Re.'_ what nonsense is this? Do you think so lowly of us?!" He snarled, clearly unhappy with the agreement contents.

"I'm trying to be safe. I'm leaving my life in your hands."

"And we have the _best_ doctor in this region." Yoshitoki interjected.

"As if I'm the only one who's spitting nonsense." Kaneki retorted. " _'In case I die, I will let Washuu keep my body for research purposes'_. This is outrageous. I will _not_ let you keep my body." He scowled.

"Please don't get us wrong. The parasite living in your eye is rare. We would like to inspect it for medical purposes, in case someone has a similar disease in the future." Kanou spoke for the first time since the meeting had started.

"I got this due to an injury-"

"An injury that was not treated properly. How many times did you wake up to see stains of black tears on your pillow? How does it feel like to be aging this quickly? You know how the suffering is – if you could sacrifice your body for the future it would greatly help-"

"I will _not_ sacrifice my body. I will _live_." He spoke each word determinedly with high confidence despite his doubt towards these people.

"You can trust us, King Kaneki. We will not kill you." Nimura grinned. Kaneki replied him with a death glare. Out of everyone in that meeting room, he doubted Nimura the most.

"I am a doctor, Your Majesty. My oath is not to kill a person, but to save them instead. I will not go against my oath." Kanou reassured him, though it did not sound very convincing to him.

"I hope you're a man of your word then."


End file.
